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NarfoOnTheNet
♂️
[31024837]
[2014-04-25 21:56:36 +0000 UTC]
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 80; Deviations: 7; Watchers: 2
Watching: 45; Pageviews: 3803; Comments Made: 476; Friends: 45
# Interests
Favorite movies: Wall-E, Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist, Twelve Angry Men (1957), The Longest DayFavorite TV shows: CARTOONS
Favorite bands / musical artists: Neither: just any song that piques my interest
Favorite books: Plenty
Favorite writers: Terry Pratchett, Larry Niven, Brian Jacques, H.P. Lovecraft, Dennis L. McKiernan
Favorite games: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, Okami
Favorite gaming platform: WHO GIVES A CRAP!
Tools of the Trade: Pen and paper, but usually anything I can get my hands on.
# About me
Born during a storm in the dead of night - with dire wolves howling, children crying, and an internet connection inexplicably dying causing a random nerd to cry himself to sleep in the fetal position (this was back in the 80s kids) - I had come into being with a quill in one hand, parchment in the other, and screaming like some jerk smacked my ass. From there, I wrote plays, sonnets, ballads, and grand epics that made people weep with excitement, and cry out in praise... Until a freak and suspiciously localized fire caused by a racoon with a blowtorch had destroyed all traces of my great endeavors.For the next my-age-is-none-of-your-business years, I suffered a horrible, debilitating depression, during which I would spend days at a time locked in my four-story, twelve bedroom, eight bathroom castle with an Olympic-sized swimming pool, private shooting range, and inter-dimensional gateway I was tasked with guarding to keep the Outer Things from invading our world - where did you think Glenn Beck came from? Not even my adored mother, still bearing the mark where God had placed his hand before my birth, could convince me to venture out and solve world hunger with my prose.
It would only be until last year, after being forced to leave by a pink haired, overenthusiastic and disproportionately well-endowed young woman who brought me to her magical kingdom to save it from the Darkness, did I finally defeat my depression, as well as WWE champion Daniel Bryan in a pitched battle that nearly destroyed the French Quarter (so many discarded muffulettas *shudder*).
And so, here I am, venturing tentatively out into the world in hopes that, once more, the world will chant my names to the heavens, begging me to share even one sentence of my genius!
And if you believed any of that: Bill O'Reilly is the second coming of Christ; the government does control your mind with flu shots but only to get more flu shots; and I have some beautiful ocean-front property in Arizona you might be interested in.
# Comments
Comments: 9
EEEEEEEEEEEE, THANK YOU!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1