HOME | DD | Gallery | Favourites | RSS
| wirtdaddy
wirtdaddy
[44542701]
[2017-12-26 19:15:21 +0000 UTC]
"mammmaaaa uwuuu- Freddie Mercury"
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 117; Deviations: 9; Watchers: 3
Watching: 8; Pageviews: 1310; Comments Made: 35; Friends: 8
# Interests
Favorite visual artist: LavenderTowneFavorite movies: Carrie, The Shining, Halloween
Favorite TV shows: Over The Garden Wall, The Office
Favorite bands / musical artists: Metallica
Favorite books: Carrie
Favorite writers: Stephen King
Favorite games: Portal, Overwatch, The Sims, TF2
Favorite gaming platform: PS4 and Computer. NES
Other Interests: memes, clarinet, piano
# About me
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.There can be only one
# Comments
Comments: 9
I'm dying lmao the M&M duels, this is true literatureΒ
π: 0 β©: 2