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10art1 β That's What She Said
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Published: 2012-11-04 19:14:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 54322; Favourites: 979; Downloads: 518
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Description
Ugh, I have been working on this comic entirely too long. Anyway, it is finally done and I can move on to something else, something less time consuming. Like Flash, for example. I be finally obtaining me adobe flash cs6, yarr
Big thanks to and MLPDrawingSchool for helping me out on this comic! Don't forget every little bit helps, so favorite and comment, and if you really like it, please drop me a watch! There's more like this coming!
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Comments: 532
Sooo, time for a proper request from your art teacher.
Starting with vision. Remember how I said I didn't have anything to do with the jokes in this comic? Well, I take it back. But all glory to you! After reading this a 100 times throughout the fabrication process, it may have lost some of its funnyness, but the majority of the people seem to enjoy it, so good job!
Originality: old joke, known characters but you managed to pull it all together. Keeping in mind that I am a culprit to this I give it one star less.
Technique: wow, you have come a long way. From your first Dashie sketch to this... I take my tacohat off to that. And as I said, you don't have to copy other people when you take the time to discover your own style. And just look at that telescope!
Impact: Last panel punch line and a uranus joke, enough said. What gets me most is the cute Dashie faces throughout the whole thing, wich adds to the impact quite a lot and keeps your attention in the form of a healthy dose of d'aaaw.
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Progress, progress, progress
Let's start with the vision. It's pretty clear here that you knew the comic you were going to make before you even started. From the beginning, one get's the feeling that silliness is soon to ensue. So great job on that.
Next, originality. I don't think I've ever read a comic with more than one punchline. As far as I can tell, you included three, not including the cool book easter egg.
Technique. You have a definite style developing. It's similar to canon but with your own little twist. Don't be afraid to go crazy with it. I absolutely love some of Dashy's facial expressions :3 here. And Molestia. Sweet mother of Equestria O_O
Nice work.
Finally, there's the impact. I love it. The people love it. Equestria Daily loves it.
Honestly, I don't know what more I can say. This is a well done comic that doesn't seem rushed at all. You took your time, and it really shows. Great job, 10art1.
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I'm glad you made it onto Equestria Daily, and this looks really greatβbut! It's not perfect. And that's what I'm here to overexamine and tear to shreds.
There's two things I'm critiquing here, the art and the joke. I'll begin with the joke.
The punchline is a little funny, but there's two jokes going on here, and they both want the limelight. There's the good ol' "that's what she said" joke, and this seems to command the comic up until it hits. Then the Molestia gag comes in and hijacks the wheel, throwing off the pacing and the balance. I think you should make only one of them the primary joke, either axing one entirely or making one just a support. To make the "that's what she said" joke the primary focus, the the punchline should be the last panel. Molestia, if she's there at all, should be relegated to an easter-egg style cameo at most.
If you prefer the Molestia aspect, put way less weight on the buildup of the "that's what she said." Finish it quickly, maybe even in the very first panel, before having Twilight ask who "she" is and Molestia walks in. You can choose one or the other, but you can't have both in there, vying for attention.
You also have a lot of buildup that feels somewhat disconnected. You have Twilight mention the extremely specific measurements of the dowel, then she just complains that it's "wrong." I think your humor could be helped if she complains that it's wrong by announcing its incorrectβand preferably similar-soundingβmeasurements, to which Rainbow asks "what's that mean?" or something to that effect.
Panel 1 and panel 2 could probably be combined into one, since the dialogue in the first isn't really necessary at all.
The insertion of the "one job" meme feels shoehorned, distracting and, dare I say, tired. Try to avoid sticking little allusions in here that could distract from the primary purpose of the joke.
If you're going to use this much setup at all, you probably want to mention more elements of the punchline before it happens. Take Stephan Pastis' Pearls Before Swine. In strips like this one (the title is a link), it spends almost the entire time setting up every element of the pun, whereas the only setup you make for the "Uranus" gag is passing mention to the telescope. Since "that's what she said" jokes are more or less puns, it would help to have the same kind of setup that Pastis does.
Now, the art frontier. In general I like it, that doesn't mean I don't have some bones to pick. To start off with, everything here looks like a trace from a show pose. I'd encourage you to improvise and come up with your own postures and angles, rather than copying what's already established and fairly well-recognized.
What's up with Rainbow's cleft upper lip? It may happen on a cat, but cats aren't horses. Their lips are single strips like ours.
Molestia's smile looks a little stiff, same with her eye. Make her pupil smaller and her smile wider and more curved to up the creep factor.
In the third panel, Twilight's hair is very high, and that makes her head look like the one on Frankenstein's monster. Shift it down so it sits more logically on her ball-head.
Not a fan of the enormous space you've relegated to your watermark, which most artists only have a small black strip for. It's overly commanding and a little obnoxious.
Well, sorry if I was too blunt in here, but you did ask for a critiques in here. Hope I was able to help any way, and if you have any questions you can send me a note or something! Can you comment on critiques? I don't think you can...
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Rainbow Dash, you better pray i end up in the hospital..
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I wish they actually made a joke like this in the show!
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Β : oh..............I'm dead
Β : Ur problem
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hehe oh gosh I miss that blog so much
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BRONIES, ATTACK THIS MONSTER! DESTROY MOLESTIA!
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I don't think you understand how "love and tolerate" works
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Why does Molestia even exist?
I mean she doesn't act like this.
This is just wrong.
I understand 'love and tolerate'.
It's just that when Lauren Faust created Celestia, she didn't want it to go this far.
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I bet when Faust created all the ponies she didn't quite think most thing bronies have done would happen. Molestia isn't actually as bad as people make her outt o be, she doesn't really rape ponies, she just gets them into uncomfortably suggestive situationsΒ i.ytimg.com/vi/I4-hNwJ9Xxs/maxβ¦
I've seen far worse things come from the brony fandom...
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Yeah, can't agree with that....
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that's fine 
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ah yes, back when penis jokes were funny...
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Yes,Yes. We can all remember that~
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Hahahahaha nice ending‘‘ Molestia likes this
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And yet I dont.
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danm the only thing this one needs is a sound where molestia sais `got ya`
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That was my reaction to the "That's what she said."
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Saying "the" instead of "yours" would make the joke work better i think
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thanks for the feedback :3
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lol, typo, i mean "your" not "yours", but yeah, "the stick"
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ok, ok, "that stick is two big for me to study Uranus" part had me lafting for howers.
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Where did you find that picture, I recently saw that episode and I cant find a picture of it anywhere
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oh it's Pinkie gasping from the episode when she cloned herself, I think it's called "Too Many Pinkie Pies", one of the earlier episodes in s3
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actually it's Molestia :b but it can be trollestia too
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AHAHAHAHAHA that was funny XD!!!!!!! I'm on EqD too... Well... The EqD Forums.
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