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3luvingGreen — Forgotten love
Published: 2010-07-23 21:52:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 238; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description I wish we could go back to that place
That place where you could run to my rescue
And wipe the tear off my delicate, young face
But we were only children at the time
And everything was innocent and new
You were bold and your mind sublime

But that's far behind us now
It's just a memory that only I can hold on to
Do you remember it at all?
Do you remember that girl when she wasn't small?
The girl you would kiss if she would allow?

Can you recall the girl who stayed with you, when you couldn't think?
That girl that held back your hair, when you had too much to drink?
I'm the foolish girl that you mislead
One of the many who's innocence still remains in your bed

I know you've forgotten me, and our past
With time, I might forget you
Maybe your tears for me were at some point true
But these tears I shed now will be my last
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Comments: 9

IIIXII [2010-07-24 00:04:32 +0000 UTC]

Kudos for forgoing the fairy tale ending. Truth is this is how it usually happens.

I appreciated the structure you used. It works really well to deliver the poem. With the first paragraph being the wish/memory set, the second being the questions set, And then in the fourth splitting it between questions and answers/revelations and then bringing it into a realization of the present in the final paragraph. The title pretty much sums it all up. (sadly) But its still good nonetheless.

The only flaw I saw was that 4 words in I think you meant to put the word (go). Other than that its great.

Nice job.

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3luvingGreen In reply to IIIXII [2010-07-24 02:28:24 +0000 UTC]

Eeeep! didnt even notice that. *fixes*

thanx for that, and thank for such a nice review.

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IIIXII In reply to 3luvingGreen [2010-07-24 02:48:24 +0000 UTC]

No problem. (:

You're always welcome.
A friend of ze Goddess is
a friend of mine.

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SilentHillHeaven123 [2010-07-23 23:00:53 +0000 UTC]

Its beautiful and yet terribly sad. You can clearly she the deception and the pain that its caused. In a way I can relate to it. It reminds of someone that I know, he was really sweet and stuff to me, and I was back. Just when things started to get interesting, he just lost interest and went on to the next person.....I don't think he was getting enough out if it if you get my meaning. great writing Its really lovely to read

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3luvingGreen In reply to SilentHillHeaven123 [2010-07-23 23:05:33 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much. i was worried about it not flowing very well since the rhyme scheme is a bit unique, but im really glad you liked it.

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SilentHillHeaven123 In reply to 3luvingGreen [2010-07-23 23:24:22 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome! Nah, it flows just fine despite it flowing differently its still understandable and you know whats happening

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3luvingGreen In reply to SilentHillHeaven123 [2010-07-23 23:27:14 +0000 UTC]

sweet, my job is done then. nap time?

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SilentHillHeaven123 In reply to 3luvingGreen [2010-07-23 23:29:07 +0000 UTC]

Job done, nap time it is

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3luvingGreen In reply to SilentHillHeaven123 [2010-07-23 23:32:29 +0000 UTC]

sweeeeeeeeeeet!

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