HOME | DD
91816119 — august's skeleton.
#bone #bones #child #childhood #children #dream #friendship #innocence #lit #literature #love #memory #nostalgia #poem #poet #poetry #skeleton #summer #verse #91816119
Published: 2015-08-10 12:47:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 1876; Favourites: 67; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Sunburnt freedom of Julywe come tumbling in the auburn joy of boredom
down the spine of summer.
And spelled in the scabs on your knees
is the innocent insolence
scuffing the corners of your memory:
all hyperbole, grinning toothless bravery
swallowed in your father's coat,
whipping around corners and slipping
out of a chiaroscuro childhood.
Related content
Comments: 36
Hi there!
I'm leaving this comment for theWrittenRevolution and as part of BeccaJS 's project: Critmas 2015!
This was an enjoyable read! And I learned a new word, chiaroscuro. Beautiful choice there. 
1. The sense of youthfulness is very clear. If anything, the vernacular helps to emphasize the nostalgic tone by creating a permeable barrier between the subject of the poem and the narrator. It is a delicate balance, and you walked the line well.
2 & 3. The flow is mostly alright, though I did trip up over the second line. "we come tumbling in the auburn joy of boredom" has no clear image for me. Tumbling is a great choice as it immediately makes the reader envision someone young, but auburn joy of boredom feels far too abstract for a poem that's so concrete. What exactly are you trying to say there? I would also remove "and" at the beginning of the fourth line.
On a stylistic note, you might consider rewriting this poem without the use of -ing verbs and seeing if that helps condense the imagery and reduce the verbose feeling that comes with the word choice. Additionally, I wonder why the second line states "we" tumble, but then everything switches to "your" and "we" is never mentioned again?
I hope some of these thoughts are helpful. It was a lovely poem to read. Thank you for sharing. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much, I'll definitely look into some of those suggestions!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is such a gorgeous, evocative, nostalgic poem- you've managed to fit so much feeling and imagery into a fairly short number of words, and honestly, it's beautiful. I really admire your skill here. Nice work
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much, I'm very very flattered.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh wow. This is gorgeous. Such great imagery. Reminded me of the end of summer and growing up. Beautiful job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hit the nail on the head! Thank you.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
YAS. I got it right. I usually interpret things far differently than what the writer intends.
AND You're very welcome!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Not this time, my dear! 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
It is very exciting indeed!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow, powerful imagery there. That was beautiful!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you ever so kindly.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh. My. Squash.
This poem is not only beautiful, meaningful, and vivid, but also just the right length and amount of confusing that it can be read again and again getting something new out of it every time.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You too! I propose an imminent catch-up chat
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
WE SHOULD DO THE THING WHEN I'M FREE
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm free tonight (even though it's probably sleepytime for you by now xD) and all of tomorrow! c:
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
As if I sleep! I might be around in a little bit, got some more reading, etc. to do, but if not, tomorrow sounds just dandy!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Welp. Life got crazy. :C
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Apparently so! Fear not, I have now got time aplenty, so just hit me up whenever you want to chat.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I've been good, thanks ^__^ Pretty busy too; I started a podcast!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ooh, that's exciting! Going well, I assume?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yessss
You can listen to the first episode here:
Some DALit Thing: S1E1: chromeantennae Some DALit Thing is a not-at-all-scheduled podcast, in which AyeAye12 talks to various members of the DeviantArt Literature community, asking them about their work, their lives and the community they're part of.
To start off this project, I've interviewed recently-appointed head of LitRecognition , chromeantennae . I asked him about sonic fanfiction, his favourite DA writers, race in America, community, collaboration and literary criticism.
FEATURING:
FLUCTUATING VOLUME
AN AWKWARD INTERVIEWER
OCCASIONAL LAG
VOICE BREAKING
A WEIRD PREVIEW IMAGE(it's meant to be a minimalist Fella listening to headphones made out of DA logos kay)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0