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Description
"DAD! DAD! DAD!" I blinked awake, shapes and colours blurry in front of me. The voices sounded familiar, but who were they talking to..?
"Dad, you fat bastard, get up!" I sat up, wiping my eyes and sniffing, blinking to take in my surroundings.
Ah, my room. Scott sleeping soundly beside me, undisturbed.
"Hmmm?" I groaned, gazing at the creature in front of me.
He had a stunningly woman-like glare, with thick brown hair like mine and soft brown eyes.
Sebastien.
Or… was it Kirk?
"Gwen's sick. Again." He stated abruptly when he was sure I was awake.
"Ok." Gwen wasn't a baby. She wasn't even a young child. She was well over twenty by now. "Your point?"
"She threw up all over the bathroom and won't clean it up! She's just lying there, moaning." He crossed his arms and huffed a sigh. I fell back into my pillows and shaded my eyes.
"Just leave it for a second. I'll get it." I told him. He stomped away, closing my door with a soft click.
A chuckle, and Scott strapped his arm tightly across my chest, nuzzling into my neck.
"And good morning to you, too." He purred.
"I was thinking the same thing."
"Kids are shit heads."
"Especially mine." I sighed and sat up again, sliding out of bed. Scott looked disappointed, getting up only to slap my ass and run out of the room giggling like a child.
Oh yeah, I've got four kids, I forgot. Gwen, Kirk, Seb and Scott.
I pulled a shirt over my head and combed my hair as I stepped carefully down the hall to the bathroom, peering inside.
Gwen had, indeed, been sick on the floor, apparently just missing the toilet, because that was where her head was now.
"Heeeeey." I whispered. She gave a whimper and nothing else. "Not feeling too hot… um… want me to bring you anything?"
"A shot gun." She garbled into the bowl.
"Alright, whatever you want, princess." I shut the door and shrugged, walking down the stairs.
"Daaaayummm, that's a stank." Kirk shook his head, punching his identical twin hard in the shoulder. "Called not cleaning it up." Sebastien sent him a hot glare.
"Well, neither am I."
"Ah, you're all a bunch of wusses. I'll clean it up." Scott snapped playfully, pouring a bowl of cereal.
Ever since Amber had left, the house had gone… well, no other word for it but shambles.
I mean, she wasn't the usual house-wife, but she definitely kept things organized, and usually cooked our meals.
Now poor Gwen was stuck with us, a cocktail of… well…
Scott was currently trying to coax the last drops of milk out of the bag with his tongue.
Kirk was perched on the counter-top, muddy high-tops and all.
Sebastien was petting the dog the same time as he used his fingers to feed them both sausages.
I sighed.
"Why so serious?" Scott growled, a pretty good Heath Ledger impersonation. He flicked the dirty knife from the counter towards me in a threatening manner.
"He misses Mom." Kirk explained. I gave him a 'say it again, I dare you' look and he quickly looked away.
"Here she comes, Miss America…" Scott started singing in a throaty voice as Gwen picked her way into the kitchen, eyes nearly shut, face pale as I had ever seen.
"How're we feelin`?" I wondered. She leaned against the fridge and groaned as her forehead pressed against the cool freezer door.
"Ew, Gwen, you stink like shit." Kirk plugged his nose and waved his air frantically in front of his face.
Kirk and Sebastien are seventeen.
Gwen wordlessly gave him the finger and slumped to the floor.
"Maybe you should take her to the hospital." Scott offered. I scoffed.
"I ain't never went to the hospital. For nothing`." I was indifferent. It was just a bug. It would pass.
"Yeah… and you're fine…" Seb and Kirk giggled. I rolled my eyes and shrugged.
"Gweniffer, do ya wanna go to the hospital?" I asked. She moaned.
"I think that means no." Scott offered.
"I don't speak teenager. Do you wanna go?" I crouched by her and parted some of her hair.
"Nooooo…" Her moan was clear now and I shrugged.
"Orright, then, no hospital needed."
"Well, take her back upstairs then, she stinks." Kirk objected. "Even Bee thinks so." Beezus, the large dog I had been coaxed into adopting, barked at his name. "See?"
"Don't be rude to yer sister." I growled, bending down and picking up tiny Gwen. Ok, she did stink a little. Just a bit like vomit and unwashed hair. Wasn't her fault. "Ah'll take her upstairs, orright?"
"OR-right!" Scott mocked me ceaselessly. I frowned.
"Suck it." I tried my Yank accent. It didn't sound so bad, and Scott seemed to agree, for his face twisted into an amused yet irritated smile. I climbed back up the stairs and set Gwen in bed, tucking her in like I used to.
I grimaced and suddenly missed having little kids.
"There ya are. Want some chicken-noodle-soup?" I wondered. She shook her head, still not having opened her eyes, and rolled over. I was still perched on her bed.
A thought hit me.
Oh dear god no.
I pounded down the stairs and slid into the kitchen, narrowly avoiding the beast that was Beezus and confronted Scott.
"Scott. You'll never guess what I just thought o`."
"Hm? Wha?" Scott had a mouthful of buttered toast, a golden dribble trickling down his chin.
"I just thought o` the best way to make us seem like the gayest people from here to… uh…" I bit my lip. "A really gay place." Scott raised a brow, slowly chewing and waiting. "Adopting."
He snorted and nearly choked on his toast.
"You crazy fucker!" He gasped when he had forced the starch down his throat. "You genius! I knew I loved you for a reason!" He threw his arms around my neck and kissed me heartily, smearing butter all over my face.
"Whoa, Dad… take it easy." Kirk's eyes were wide and Seb was giggling, amused.
"Oh. My. God. We are gonna adopt a little African kid and name him-"
"Hey, what, you're serious? Ah, fuck off. I'd rather live with Mom and Guido." Kirk jumped off the counter.
"Of course we're serious." I enjoyed how Scott had jumped right on, laughing at his outraged expression. "You can leave. You've lost your novelty, I don't care for you anymore."
"Well, gee, thanks, just throw me away like a broken toy!"
"That's… what kids are for, right? Jer? Right?" I was too busy laughing to answer.
It was funny.
Then we met Ezekiel.

Description
"DAD! DAD! DAD!" I blinked awake, shapes and colours blurry in front of me. The voices sounded familiar, but who were they talking to..?
"Dad, you fat bastard, get up!" I sat up, wiping my eyes and sniffing, blinking to take in my surroundings.
Ah, my room. Scott sleeping soundly beside me, undisturbed.
"Hmmm?" I groaned, gazing at the creature in front of me.
He had a stunningly woman-like glare, with thick brown hair like mine and soft brown eyes.
Sebastien.
Or… was it Kirk?
"Gwen's sick. Again." He stated abruptly when he was sure I was awake.
"Ok." Gwen wasn't a baby. She wasn't even a young child. She was well over twenty by now. "Your point?"
"She threw up all over the bathroom and won't clean it up! She's just lying there, moaning." He crossed his arms and huffed a sigh. I fell back into my pillows and shaded my eyes.
"Just leave it for a second. I'll get it." I told him. He stomped away, closing my door with a soft click.
A chuckle, and Scott strapped his arm tightly across my chest, nuzzling into my neck.
"And good morning to you, too." He purred.
"I was thinking the same thing."
"Kids are shit heads."
"Especially mine." I sighed and sat up again, sliding out of bed. Scott looked disappointed, getting up only to slap my ass and run out of the room giggling like a child.
Oh yeah, I've got four kids, I forgot. Gwen, Kirk, Seb and Scott.
I pulled a shirt over my head and combed my hair as I stepped carefully down the hall to the bathroom, peering inside.
Gwen had, indeed, been sick on the floor, apparently just missing the toilet, because that was where her head was now.
"Heeeeey." I whispered. She gave a whimper and nothing else. "Not feeling too hot… um… want me to bring you anything?"
"A shot gun." She garbled into the bowl.
"Alright, whatever you want, princess." I shut the door and shrugged, walking down the stairs.
"Daaaayummm, that's a stank." Kirk shook his head, punching his identical twin hard in the shoulder. "Called not cleaning it up." Sebastien sent him a hot glare.
"Well, neither am I."
"Ah, you're all a bunch of wusses. I'll clean it up." Scott snapped playfully, pouring a bowl of cereal.
Ever since Amber had left, the house had gone… well, no other word for it but shambles.
I mean, she wasn't the usual house-wife, but she definitely kept things organized, and usually cooked our meals.
Now poor Gwen was stuck with us, a cocktail of… well…
Scott was currently trying to coax the last drops of milk out of the bag with his tongue.
Kirk was perched on the counter-top, muddy high-tops and all.
Sebastien was petting the dog the same time as he used his fingers to feed them both sausages.
I sighed.
"Why so serious?" Scott growled, a pretty good Heath Ledger impersonation. He flicked the dirty knife from the counter towards me in a threatening manner.
"He misses Mom." Kirk explained. I gave him a 'say it again, I dare you' look and he quickly looked away.
"Here she comes, Miss America…" Scott started singing in a throaty voice as Gwen picked her way into the kitchen, eyes nearly shut, face pale as I had ever seen.
"How're we feelin`?" I wondered. She leaned against the fridge and groaned as her forehead pressed against the cool freezer door.
"Ew, Gwen, you stink like shit." Kirk plugged his nose and waved his air frantically in front of his face.
Kirk and Sebastien are seventeen.
Gwen wordlessly gave him the finger and slumped to the floor.
"Maybe you should take her to the hospital." Scott offered. I scoffed.
"I ain't never went to the hospital. For nothing`." I was indifferent. It was just a bug. It would pass.
"Yeah… and you're fine…" Seb and Kirk giggled. I rolled my eyes and shrugged.
"Gweniffer, do ya wanna go to the hospital?" I asked. She moaned.
"I think that means no." Scott offered.
"I don't speak teenager. Do you wanna go?" I crouched by her and parted some of her hair.
"Nooooo…" Her moan was clear now and I shrugged.
"Orright, then, no hospital needed."
"Well, take her back upstairs then, she stinks." Kirk objected. "Even Bee thinks so." Beezus, the large dog I had been coaxed into adopting, barked at his name. "See?"
"Don't be rude to yer sister." I growled, bending down and picking up tiny Gwen. Ok, she did stink a little. Just a bit like vomit and unwashed hair. Wasn't her fault. "Ah'll take her upstairs, orright?"
"OR-right!" Scott mocked me ceaselessly. I frowned.
"Suck it." I tried my Yank accent. It didn't sound so bad, and Scott seemed to agree, for his face twisted into an amused yet irritated smile. I climbed back up the stairs and set Gwen in bed, tucking her in like I used to.
I grimaced and suddenly missed having little kids.
"There ya are. Want some chicken-noodle-soup?" I wondered. She shook her head, still not having opened her eyes, and rolled over. I was still perched on her bed.
A thought hit me.
Oh dear god no.
I pounded down the stairs and slid into the kitchen, narrowly avoiding the beast that was Beezus and confronted Scott.
"Scott. You'll never guess what I just thought o`."
"Hm? Wha?" Scott had a mouthful of buttered toast, a golden dribble trickling down his chin.
"I just thought o` the best way to make us seem like the gayest people from here to… uh…" I bit my lip. "A really gay place." Scott raised a brow, slowly chewing and waiting. "Adopting."
He snorted and nearly choked on his toast.
"You crazy fucker!" He gasped when he had forced the starch down his throat. "You genius! I knew I loved you for a reason!" He threw his arms around my neck and kissed me heartily, smearing butter all over my face.
"Whoa, Dad… take it easy." Kirk's eyes were wide and Seb was giggling, amused.
"Oh. My. God. We are gonna adopt a little African kid and name him-"
"Hey, what, you're serious? Ah, fuck off. I'd rather live with Mom and Guido." Kirk jumped off the counter.
"Of course we're serious." I enjoyed how Scott had jumped right on, laughing at his outraged expression. "You can leave. You've lost your novelty, I don't care for you anymore."
"Well, gee, thanks, just throw me away like a broken toy!"
"That's… what kids are for, right? Jer? Right?" I was too busy laughing to answer.
It was funny.
Then we met Ezekiel.