MercenaryBlade [2018-01-02 07:23:43 +0000 UTC]
Okay not a bad start and I got a good glimpse of her character here. I can definitely see where she'd need help. I like the way she speaks directly to the reader, makes sense cause she's a god.
My one critique the battle with the elemental was a bit anticlimactic you basically told us from the start she'd win. Maybe add the fact it was a foregone conclusion at the end of the fight?
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CrownedCloud In reply to MercenaryBlade [2018-01-04 04:38:54 +0000 UTC]
That's good to hear. And yeah, all of my other protagonists can't break the fourth wall, so i figured to mix it up a little.
And yeah, i can see what you mean, even though i don't know what foregone means....
Honestly, i was more focused on Teagan herself and the conflict that leads up to what she was doing next. I should have had it happen at the same time to make it a fair fight against the Familiar, but what can you do?
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