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DeceitOfTheMind — Thinking of You
Published: 2011-11-14 03:56:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 1223; Favourites: 39; Downloads: 13
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I have to wonder; why am I thinking of you so much lately? Even as I ask that question I know the answer.You gave me back my hope.
What exactly caused it to return? Was it when you said –
"You're jealous, aren't you?"
- with a smile that made it seem like you knew everything, even the one secret I've kept so carefully hidden?
Or maybe it was those teasing eyes of yours. I'm still so marveled by their remarkable beauty that I stare at them longer than I should, and this time, it felt like you gazed back.
Regardless of the reason, you pushed me off a cliff I was climbing up, just when I was nearing the summit.
Perhaps this time, I can make you fall with me.
After all, it's quite unfair for me to be the only one with unfinished math homework because my thoughts of you take my other responsibilities and hide them. They especially like feeding my jobs to the monster in my chest.
It's irksome, dealing with the beast day after day. It wants you so badly it will do anything, be it clawing at my heart when you mention your lover's name or trying to force words into my mouth. At times it almost succeeds in convincing me it would be easiest to simply confess, but I'm strong enough to stop it.
No… that's a lie.
I'm weak. That's why that repulsive thing exists in the first place. I fear someday I'll lose control and do something I'll regret. Then there will be no turning back.
Wait. That makes me sound ashamed, and I'm anything but that. I'm not embarrassed to love you. I just don't want to face a worse heartbreak than this.
I'm scared.
I'm frightened of a life without you, and that fear is slowly becoming reality. You'll be leaving me soon. I don't think I can make it on my own. You're the only anchor that held me to the earth until now. I want to say –
"I need you."
-but I can't. I want to say –
"I love you."
-but I'm unable.
Someday I hope I can find the courage to confess. I hope that when I do, you will accept my feelings. I know it's probably impossible,
But I'm nothing if not hopeful.
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Comments: 32
You've captured the sentiment so perfectly here. I remember going through this too! It's not fun but it creates a lot of poetry. 
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i made the mistake of being honest and she didnt talk to me again.. now i've done the same thing over and i'm stuck :/ especially since she's dating my brother..
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Oh wow, that's a rough situation. =/ I hope things get better for you.
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Thats beautiful and true
if we cant be hopeful that what are we?
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Exactly.
Thank you
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This describes my current situation pretty much down to a T, frickin awesome piece here(:
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so u did wright this? it absolutely describes my situation with a friend of mine its like wow, amazing!
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Yes I did, thank you. 
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This piece is is acutely on point. Conversational with out response. Even though that feeling is terrible it is commanding of wonder and excellence too b/c every fiber of your self is hunting the cause of it. You are painfully aware of how alive you are with out her. Anyway, this is amazing.
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Wow, thank you for the wonderful comment! 
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No problem, thanks for writing it,I enjoyed the infusion of depth in my day!
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i read down to "those teasing eyes of yours" and i was just like im faving that lol
im so fucking glad i watched you, just sayin.
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Don't be sad! 
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This is so beautiful.
It legit, just a perfect capture like you can see whats going on in your mind.
And man, i feel you right there now...
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That's what I was aiming for.
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