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~Toxic Waste of Space~

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ATTENTION: This story contains sexual themes and mentions of self harm/bad mental health, do not read if you are sensitive to these topics!

_________________________________________________

He could feel the hot lips and needy hands on his body, he couldn't remember who's idea this was but it wasn't the same, how did normal people do this? All the time? With strangers no less…
He couldn't…
"Jun-Seo … enough."
"What's up? Heyy I was getting to the fun part- have you done this before?"
"Yes." How could he tell him, 'sorry i'm not interested, it's not the same as before'
"Then just let me… "
He could feel his body tensing more as the man's hands creeped lower below the belt, do normal people let this happen all the time? What was that like? They enjoy this?
"I'll show you who's better… "
He felt the heat of something close to him, he wanted to escape, this wasn't familiar at all…
"Jun-Seo."
The Korean man shot back up, "Are you ok, Lukas ? Should I do something else or… ?"
" No… I don't… "
Jun-Seos face fell slightly and he put a hand up to stop Lukas, " It's ok…You don't have to explain… " he did take opportunity to slip between his legs to plant a kiss on Lukas's pale lips, "I'll be around if you want to continue, you know where I live after all… "
Lukas watched him grab his things and leave quickly, he must feel dejected…
He did feel bad, sure but it was too foreign, weird. Strange how Jarin was plastered all over his mind, Not healthy. He knew that much.
Lukas sat a few more minutes, feeling heavy, his head rolled back until it met the cushion of his couch, looking up to the wooden ceiling, following the herringbone shape design…
“So you’re telling me the thoughts come back?”
“Yes, that's what I mean, I feel like I need too again but-”
“Lukas you don’t have to anymore, you’re in a better place now, back with the people who make you feel safe, those who love you. If you have any suicidal thoughts please contact me or a friend first. I promise the thoughts won’t be as bad as us losing you.” the voice of his therapist tolled in the chasm of his mind...
Lukas paused for a bit, he listened to her words but never really heard her…
“Of course…I have plenty of people I can talk to it about you’re right. Thank you…”
There was his reward, the relieved look on her face. He was so good at lying, he watched his mom lie all the time as a kid, she did it so naturally why couldn’t he do it too? Nikolas always believed him too. It was a little treat every time he passed the look on their faces…
“So, I’ll send you some tips and numbers you need to call if you have any more bad thoughts, you know mine, you have Nikolas and your other friend as a contact right?”
“Yes, Ma’am”
“Great! So-”
He wasn’t going to bother them with this, he didn’t want to be a burden but it's what she wanted to hear so…another lie didn’t hurt right?
Lukas' head turned toward the dining table where he'd left the printed papers, some on the floor he didn’t really care about, Jun-Seo had come over to discuss something about a mare he had and suddenly they were touching each other, yeah that's where they left off…
But he couldn’t do it.

It was late now, had he really sat there all that time? Heh, what a loser right? Should have gotten up to do something productive. Instead of sulk.
Right, Lukas sat up and stared off into the distance. He could hear a familiar voice in the distance, What is the point again? Everyone leaves you behind eventually Lukas, you’re too slow.
He put a hand on the sink and stared through the mirror, just like last time , what if he did it? What would change exactly? Evie would take Fame and his other horses and do good with them, Jarin wouldn’t have to burden himself, Jun-Seo could move on, Nikolas could focus on his relationship as well, Leon would have both departments. People would be happier wouldn’t they?
No, they would be sad. But still happier? His therapist mentioned that even though he’d think it would make them happier it wouldn’t. Lukas didn’t know if that was true, maybe some alternate dimension where he didn’t exist is out there, Nikolas is happy, Jarin is happy, Evie, Leon, Jun-Seo they’re all happy and they don’t even know him, maybe even… his parents would be happy? Anya?
“It’s my fault anyway.”
...
A soft trill of a phone rang through the silence
It rang a few times before going to voicemail…
Tap
“Sorry Sunshine, I was busy…Isn’t it late where you are?...and you binge watched another series….again?...” a small but grateful sigh, “Sure you can tell me about it. but y'know I have a show tomorrow...nah nothing that involves a plane thankfully so tell me about the show is it good? should I check it out?"
Lukas threw the band-aid wrapper away, and shut the light off.
One day he wouldn’t be so weak…
_______________________________________________

Notes: It's not good times in paradise :' D my boi is struggling something fierce out here thinking people would be happy without him I WOULDN'T <3333 ugh I want to smush him until he yields to the love someone come grab his face and tell him he's loved until he accepts his fate.

Lukas/Fame/JS/Other Acetoma Staff are all mine
Jarin mentioned here is owned by Drasayer

no refs were used~

Description

~Toxic Waste of Space~

Previous || Next

ATTENTION: This story contains sexual themes and mentions of self harm/bad mental health, do not read if you are sensitive to these topics!

_________________________________________________

He could feel the hot lips and needy hands on his body, he couldn't remember who's idea this was but it wasn't the same, how did normal people do this? All the time? With strangers no less…
He couldn't…
"Jun-Seo … enough."
"What's up? Heyy I was getting to the fun part- have you done this before?"
"Yes." How could he tell him, 'sorry i'm not interested, it's not the same as before'
"Then just let me… "
He could feel his body tensing more as the man's hands creeped lower below the belt, do normal people let this happen all the time? What was that like? They enjoy this?
"I'll show you who's better… "
He felt the heat of something close to him, he wanted to escape, this wasn't familiar at all…
"Jun-Seo."
The Korean man shot back up, "Are you ok, Lukas ? Should I do something else or… ?"
" No… I don't… "
Jun-Seos face fell slightly and he put a hand up to stop Lukas, " It's ok…You don't have to explain… " he did take opportunity to slip between his legs to plant a kiss on Lukas's pale lips, "I'll be around if you want to continue, you know where I live after all… "
Lukas watched him grab his things and leave quickly, he must feel dejected…
He did feel bad, sure but it was too foreign, weird. Strange how Jarin was plastered all over his mind, Not healthy. He knew that much.
Lukas sat a few more minutes, feeling heavy, his head rolled back until it met the cushion of his couch, looking up to the wooden ceiling, following the herringbone shape design…
“So you’re telling me the thoughts come back?”
“Yes, that's what I mean, I feel like I need too again but-”
“Lukas you don’t have to anymore, you’re in a better place now, back with the people who make you feel safe, those who love you. If you have any suicidal thoughts please contact me or a friend first. I promise the thoughts won’t be as bad as us losing you.” the voice of his therapist tolled in the chasm of his mind...
Lukas paused for a bit, he listened to her words but never really heard her…
“Of course…I have plenty of people I can talk to it about you’re right. Thank you…”
There was his reward, the relieved look on her face. He was so good at lying, he watched his mom lie all the time as a kid, she did it so naturally why couldn’t he do it too? Nikolas always believed him too. It was a little treat every time he passed the look on their faces…
“So, I’ll send you some tips and numbers you need to call if you have any more bad thoughts, you know mine, you have Nikolas and your other friend as a contact right?”
“Yes, Ma’am”
“Great! So-”
He wasn’t going to bother them with this, he didn’t want to be a burden but it's what she wanted to hear so…another lie didn’t hurt right?
Lukas' head turned toward the dining table where he'd left the printed papers, some on the floor he didn’t really care about, Jun-Seo had come over to discuss something about a mare he had and suddenly they were touching each other, yeah that's where they left off…
But he couldn’t do it.

It was late now, had he really sat there all that time? Heh, what a loser right? Should have gotten up to do something productive. Instead of sulk.
Right, Lukas sat up and stared off into the distance. He could hear a familiar voice in the distance, What is the point again? Everyone leaves you behind eventually Lukas, you’re too slow.
He put a hand on the sink and stared through the mirror, just like last time , what if he did it? What would change exactly? Evie would take Fame and his other horses and do good with them, Jarin wouldn’t have to burden himself, Jun-Seo could move on, Nikolas could focus on his relationship as well, Leon would have both departments. People would be happier wouldn’t they?
No, they would be sad. But still happier? His therapist mentioned that even though he’d think it would make them happier it wouldn’t. Lukas didn’t know if that was true, maybe some alternate dimension where he didn’t exist is out there, Nikolas is happy, Jarin is happy, Evie, Leon, Jun-Seo they’re all happy and they don’t even know him, maybe even… his parents would be happy? Anya?
“It’s my fault anyway.”
...
A soft trill of a phone rang through the silence
It rang a few times before going to voicemail…
Tap
“Sorry Sunshine, I was busy…Isn’t it late where you are?...and you binge watched another series….again?...” a small but grateful sigh, “Sure you can tell me about it. but y'know I have a show tomorrow...nah nothing that involves a plane thankfully so tell me about the show is it good? should I check it out?"
Lukas threw the band-aid wrapper away, and shut the light off.
One day he wouldn’t be so weak…
_______________________________________________

Notes: It's not good times in paradise :' D my boi is struggling something fierce out here thinking people would be happy without him I WOULDN'T <3333 ugh I want to smush him until he yields to the love someone come grab his face and tell him he's loved until he accepts his fate.

Lukas/Fame/JS/Other Acetoma Staff are all mine
Jarin mentioned here is owned by Drasayer

no refs were used~