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Admantina — Waves
Published: 2008-11-23 17:56:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 468; Favourites: 17; Downloads: 7
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Description If love were like
water
to be measured,
in precious crystalline
drops

I wonder
what the beaches of your
heart

would look like.
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Comments: 18

kabirawhisper [2009-03-31 04:51:36 +0000 UTC]

I love the end question. it's all very beautiful. XD

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Admantina In reply to kabirawhisper [2009-04-01 00:29:24 +0000 UTC]

aw.. thanks

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TheCoalMineCanary [2008-12-24 04:17:34 +0000 UTC]

Mmmm, lovely.

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Admantina In reply to TheCoalMineCanary [2008-12-24 04:34:59 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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TheCoalMineCanary In reply to Admantina [2008-12-24 05:12:24 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome!

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shadowgriffen [2008-11-30 16:53:16 +0000 UTC]

very intriguing, for a second there, i thought i had to answer, then figured out it was rhetorical XD

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Admantina In reply to shadowgriffen [2008-11-30 17:08:29 +0000 UTC]

XD What would your answer have been?

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shadowgriffen In reply to Admantina [2008-11-30 17:12:47 +0000 UTC]

XD i'll tell u when i figure it out XD

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RianuWally [2008-11-25 04:19:17 +0000 UTC]

oh my, I am not the first one to critique this time I guess, but should I stop being evil and try to attack the poem, no, I will still continue some rampage
-umm slightly stuck on this one, I dont know what to say but, try using "would be like" ... umm, might sound awkward still =s ahh the ending is a tough one
There isnt much for me to say, oh ya you forgot a comma after water in the first stanza second line =]
Thatis all to be said tfrom this person T^T sorry I couldnt say more critiques about your poem
I hope you get it to the way you wish it to be =]

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Admantina In reply to RianuWally [2008-11-28 02:27:37 +0000 UTC]

Yes, still awkward =S
Truth is I was thinking bout something and got really inspired and wrote the first stanza. But then... it didn't seem complete.
So I tried to make something to go with it. T_T.. Oh well~ Perhaps one day I'll fall in love and find the perfect second stanza. ^__^
I'll change that comma.. soon. XD

Thank you for critiquing yet again.

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RianuWally In reply to RianuWally [2008-11-25 04:20:15 +0000 UTC]

I thnk I just accidentally stole aznbordergirl's critique =s sorry

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aznboardergirl [2008-11-24 22:57:26 +0000 UTC]

i love how you used the metaphor

"the ending feels awkward"... um try changing look to be? so that its "would be like"... idk, you know best

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Blueskye27 [2008-11-23 19:56:11 +0000 UTC]

I like this. I had to read it a couple times to sink in...lovely.

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Admantina In reply to Blueskye27 [2008-11-24 00:05:47 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

I think this was partly inspired by your writing style too.

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Blueskye27 In reply to Admantina [2008-11-24 00:09:18 +0000 UTC]

I'm honored if I proved any inspiration at all. Thank you.

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LoveLinhdor [2008-11-23 18:16:40 +0000 UTC]

*reads poem*
*ponders away absorbed in thoughts*
i like this one. ^_^ mhmmm

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Admantina In reply to LoveLinhdor [2008-11-24 00:05:19 +0000 UTC]

Yay Thanks!

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LoveLinhdor In reply to Admantina [2008-11-24 00:22:38 +0000 UTC]

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