zubbymcgee [2019-04-07 01:31:12 +0000 UTC]

You'll fall all the way to the pavement. Hehehe.

You know what I'm gonna go find that one poem I did and post to my page now.

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LeoniseGale [2019-02-07 03:51:31 +0000 UTC]

I love the reflection (literal and metaphorical) this brings to mind.  Lovely use of imagery, pure and focused.  

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ThornyEnglishRose [2019-01-02 14:02:53 +0000 UTC]

You say this is thrown together, but I am extremely impressed (like other people who have commented). The image is highly relatable yet entirely original (as far as I'm aware), and the theme is sort of scary and haunting. I did have to remind myself of the tanka form (at which point I remembered I've used it myself at least once ), and I admire your rigidity with the syllable rules (I'm kind of a purist when it comes to that).

In the spirit of Critmas (you're worth extra points today ), I'm trying to find a suggestion for improvement, which I hardly like to do when you're restricted by syllables as it is; but then, restrictions can make one go a little off-kilter, and someone else can see another way to make it work when the writer has been pretty much blinded. The one word for me that didn't seem as smooth and flowing as all the rest was 'attempt'; it just sounds a little jarring to me surrounded by those quick, one-syllable words in an atmospheric and rather frightening line. Another possibly could be 'if I try to climb down them/there', which might be worth considering.

I do love it, though. And just when I was about to sign off, I really took in 'the orc pits outside Isengard' in your comment (not that I didn't read it before - just didn't absorb that bit); I'm not a Tolkein fan (but I only want peace between us), but you really don't have to be to appreciate this poem - and you don't have to have been near your house either (which I'm certain I haven't). Maybe I'm very ignorant, but I find it hard to imagine a reader with no experience of iron railings or some idea of an underworld. Looking at a lot of pieces over the past few days, I've come to be impressed with works that I consider to be widely accessible, and this is one. This poem can call to mind any number of places the reader has been without losing any of its impact.

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dwindt [2018-12-07 16:09:11 +0000 UTC]

A Canadian
presently from down under
wrote me a tanka;
Since then I have been trying
not to embarrass myself


Okay, enough now...sorry. lol

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dwindt [2018-12-07 15:44:18 +0000 UTC]

The water be flat
reflects a bottomless void
that yearns me in deep




Oh sorry...is this a haiku. I only know that because I stumble across a Haiku challenge a few years ago. I thought it sounded fun and entered. I came 2nd. I wondered how I could confuse someone in 3 lines. It must have worked on the judges...lol.
 

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dwindt [2018-12-07 15:22:24 +0000 UTC]

That luring puddle will refract you into a million orbs,

mirror your existence, distort it and wave you laterally.

It’ll lap you through diminishing altitude to it’s extremes,

then swash your shimmer back to it’s origin…. until still.

The unseeing, transparent reflector from below sees no reflection.

From it’s depth, it sees you.

It doesn’t see your imagination.

It sees your reality.





A million orbs
distort across the surface
to the outer extreme;
swash you back to origin.
is this your reality?  



I can't believe i'm freaking goggling what a tanka is. Lol....thanks for that. I know I screwed it up anyway. Thanks for the Lama. 

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nielsphoto [2018-12-02 15:51:43 +0000 UTC]

going into or through a reflection is an  interesting concept. love the imagry 

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PennedinWhite [2018-11-28 18:24:39 +0000 UTC]

Quite lovely. Everything I would say, has been said already.

I really like this, and the reference to Isengard. A great way
to consider it.

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Lycaenyx [2018-11-25 15:08:10 +0000 UTC]

I like the imagery in this.  It's really quite interesting. 

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THE-EDGE-WATER [2018-11-24 00:49:02 +0000 UTC]

To me it sounds like someone looking into a portal to a new world full of possibilities and danger and wondering what will lie ahead on the otherside for them.

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CatGuy2746 [2018-11-24 00:14:16 +0000 UTC]

That depend's on the depth of where you are falling.

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RJBG [2018-11-23 17:37:14 +0000 UTC]

Brilliant work!

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JessaMar [2018-11-23 16:25:39 +0000 UTC]

I like the image.

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PrecariouslyPeculiar [2018-11-23 10:56:48 +0000 UTC]

Oh, this is fantastic! There aren't enough poems like this on Deviantart. Actually, this is the first one I've come across. The imagery takes my breath away  

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MidnightDaybreak [2018-11-23 10:44:50 +0000 UTC]

I usually skip over poetry in my Notifications, but I really liked this one!~

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Memnalar [2018-11-23 06:19:18 +0000 UTC]

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