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Amertie — soft.
Published: 2009-07-10 02:01:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 4540; Favourites: 188; Downloads: 31
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Description
you saidthe sky is a canvas,
and i have written
your heart
with its candles
(i love you)
and this truth
is soft, a whispered
confession, painted
in petals;
this promise
is fragile, a run
away cloud, a porcelain
child -
so please,
tread softly.
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Comments: 135
Oh god, I remember this. This feeling. With words like soft, promise, whispered, fragile, and porcelain, I think you've truly captured the delicate state one is left in after confessing to love, the perfect balance that could be broken any second, the need to speak quietly like clouds at twilight, so scared that the balance may be overthrown against your favour, internally cringing at the thought, pleading with the Universe to let things stay perfect and... I'm getting ahead of myself.
In other words? This is beautiful.
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you are beautiful. <3
and your comment is beautiful.
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apparently mushy is awesome because THIS POEM IS AWESOME.
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TYPING IN CAPITALS IS WINNN.
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Well, I think the second stanza's slightly awkward, but overall it's quite nice. It seems like you tried to push the idea of candles too much there. Maybe something like "and I have written/on your heart/with its colors" or something like that, which would relate more to the canvas idea of the first stanza?
Still, I really liked the tenderness that comes from the metaphor of the "porcelain child," of something so beautiful and special, and yet so fragile.
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i'm not sure. i think changing it would change the meaning, since candles is stars, and colors aren't.
i'll play with it some, though.
and thanks. =]
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oooh, ok, I didn't see the connection between candles and stars. well, now that you mention that, that works too
no problem, always willing to give criticism/advice to other writers on dA.
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beautiful. the first words that strike me after reading this are: soft and poignant and wisftul (not sure why though 
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those are lovely words. =]
thank you.
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I love mush. In fact, it's my favourite thing in the world, next to the dark and the light.
This made me stop for the first time in a while.
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i think i have to agree with that.
and
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i felt gushy and happy reading this. you are amazing
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ah, this is so....
i need to make up a word for it....
sarenisa<3 -completely random-
sweet and loving and caring and
really just makes you smile
and makes your heart slow a little.
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sarenisa.
epic word. <3
i'll have to use that sometimeee.
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teehee, if i could describe what this felt like to me, it'd be like cotton candy. or a really fluffy cloud.
it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
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that's what writing it felt like. =]
thank you.
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I like it. People need to remember to tread softly much more often than they do!
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the most beautiful thing i've read in a long while. damn you and your poetic-ness.
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haha, that's okay. i wish i could write as well as you.
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Aw. Everyone deserves some mushyness in their lives. =]
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agreedd. =]
except too much is overkill?
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Hmmm, the petls part almost made me think of classic romance stories or fairytales, the rest of it felt very original.
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