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angel-blue — not the same [NSFW]
Published: 2003-12-11 16:37:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 33; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 8
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Description It's not the same...
Not the same without you..

Thoughts keep running through my head,
Thoughts of me and you.
Thoughts of sultry movements,
And seductive touches...
Of my love for you,
Oh the hollow love I still feel for you...

A perfect angel when all was light,
A perfect demon when all was dark.

Your virgin whore,
Your innocent slut.
The child you made moan,
To satisfy your eager stare,
To satisfy your eager rapture.

That child whimpers still,
She whimpers deep inside.
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Comments: 16

putrefy [2004-06-02 18:21:57 +0000 UTC]

...very interesting work

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-blue In reply to putrefy [2004-06-03 00:14:55 +0000 UTC]

hmm thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

scion-of-light [2004-02-28 02:19:27 +0000 UTC]

I like this one a lot... I love the oxymorons and sharp contrasts. Really makes the poem engrossing, like you don't know what direction it'll go in next, although it's a little short for that to really kick in. The only thing I have to say is that the last two lines of the second stanza are a little redundant, and the second one kind of loses impact, which is a shame since it's so pretty.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-blue In reply to scion-of-light [2004-02-28 12:38:21 +0000 UTC]

thanks for the crit ^_^ ya right it does loose impact...hmm I'll try and fix that when I can. thank you again

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

eMiNaTiC [2003-12-13 04:30:33 +0000 UTC]

poo poo thats wut i get for not commenting earlier everyone took what i was gonna say...but i really like this especially cuz i can relate to it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-blue In reply to eMiNaTiC [2003-12-13 11:03:51 +0000 UTC]

thanks hunny

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

captainpugwash [2003-12-12 22:12:25 +0000 UTC]

I love the lines:
Oh the hollow love I still feel for you...

A perfect angel when all was light,
A perfect demon when all was dark.

Your virgin whore,
Your innocent slut.

They're filled with so much emotion it's unreal. This is definately a

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

angel-blue In reply to captainpugwash [2003-12-13 10:42:12 +0000 UTC]

oops gah sheesh cant believe i spellt blowkiss wrong >.<

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

captainpugwash In reply to angel-blue [2003-12-13 13:45:32 +0000 UTC]

Bugger it didn't fave when I told it to *shakes fist* Damn you dial up modem I can't believe you spelt spelt wrong Oh and thankyou for the kiss, heres one or two for you

Don't forget that my is with you

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

angel-blue In reply to captainpugwash [2003-12-19 22:52:44 +0000 UTC]

ack *been a bad day for my* god *hits self*

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

angel-blue In reply to captainpugwash [2003-12-19 22:49:28 +0000 UTC]

gahhhh god it must have been a bad my for my spelling >.<

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

angel-blue In reply to captainpugwash [2003-12-13 10:41:24 +0000 UTC]

:blosskiss: thank you my dear

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Deaths-mistress [2003-12-12 04:02:24 +0000 UTC]

Yay for you! I love it! It has wonderful imagery, and one can kind of feel some emotion!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-blue In reply to Deaths-mistress [2003-12-12 16:00:53 +0000 UTC]

^_^ well one is very greatful for such a nice comment

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

katamount [2003-12-11 21:09:51 +0000 UTC]

Interesting use of oxymorons (I think that's what they're called) in this poem. "Virgin whore, innocent slut". You have a stunning use of contrasts in this work.

Good job.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

angel-blue In reply to katamount [2003-12-11 21:28:38 +0000 UTC]

thank you I was worried that no one was gonna comment on this let alone like it thankkkkk you again

👍: 0 ⏩: 0