Comments: 40
Holy-Kittens-Batman [2009-07-23 20:45:21 +0000 UTC]
Absolutely gorgeous. I'm a violin player myself and you captured the feeling of what it is to play and enjoy the instrument: especially when watching someone more experienced yet being the only one who truly understands the worth of the song.
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Moonrosa [2009-03-05 01:30:39 +0000 UTC]
This is a brilliant piece, it's at once a little sad as well as calmming and serene. Though I'm sure you alreaddy have enough praise, I will add that this is an amazingly thought provoking piece, and that I adore the detail of fire within the story.
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inisangelous [2008-05-29 02:30:59 +0000 UTC]
I love this so much
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BethlehemLights [2008-02-10 17:41:40 +0000 UTC]
"...serving as a period to end the sentence of the street behind her." That part was fantastic; the entire story was moving. I think I could maybe appreciate it more if I played an instrument, but I definitely understand that feeling of wonder and pride that the girl felt just listening to him. Now I want to read more of your writing.
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sometimenotime [2007-09-12 18:15:23 +0000 UTC]
MMmmm....wonderful piece!
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zeekkers [2007-07-17 06:21:54 +0000 UTC]
Very very well written. calming.
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bluewriter [2007-07-15 06:43:08 +0000 UTC]
this was most beautiful....it made my heart beat faster as i read long, and i was almost for some odd reason reminded of Heathcliff....but at the same time a real life person....man i'm not even sure if i know what i'm talking about any more...but ....just wow.
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zephyr-rizing [2007-07-15 05:49:18 +0000 UTC]
Wow. This is the kind of piece that really reminds me why we live. I love your imagery and the complex, descriptive, satisfying sentences. I think that this has been said, but it feels like a song, in every way. Well done, and congratulations on the DD!
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TwilightBlade [2007-07-15 03:52:22 +0000 UTC]
Shakespeare. King Henry V.
O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention,
A kingdom for a stage, princes to act
And monarchs to behold the swelling scene!
Then should the warlike Harry, like himself,
Assume the port of Mars; and at his heels,
Leash'd in like hounds, should famine, sword and fire
Crouch for employment. But pardon, and gentles all,
The flat unraised spirits that have dared
On this unworthy scaffold to bring forth
So great an object: can this cockpit hold
The vasty fields of France? or may we cram
Within this wooden O the very casques
That did affright the air at Agincourt?
O, pardon! since a crooked figure may
Attest in little place a million;
And let us, ciphers to this great accompt,
On your imaginary forces work.
Suppose within the girdle of these walls
Are now confined two mighty monarchies,
Whose high upreared and abutting fronts
The perilous narrow ocean parts asunder:
Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts;
Into a thousand parts divide on man,
And make imaginary puissance;
Think when we talk of horses, that you see them
Printing their proud hoofs i' the receiving earth;
For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our kings,
Carry them here and there; jumping o'er times,
Turning the accomplishment of many years
Into an hour-glass: for the which supply,
Admit me Chorus to this history;
Who prologue-like your humble patience pray,
Gently to hear, kindly to judge, our play."
Azriel, your writing is truely superb. I enjoyed this very much. The only things that threw me off, although the flow was wonderful, were the loooong sentences. And then, there were the many adverbs. lol. I'm sensitive to those because I often overuse them. However, no matter how many there were, you worked most of them in so seemlessly that they just fit. There were only a few that kind of caught my attention.
I can understand that they lend a certain impact when used all in a row, like "slowly, softly, clearly." but at the same time...it can be a bit much. lol.
Please, don't get annoyed with me for this critique. I appreciated the story and it's power very much! It has a definite life of its own. And the characters were also very alive. The only thing that disappointed me about them was that I couldn't 'see' the girl except through her thoughts/emotions/actions. I would like to be able to 'see' what she looks like...
Again, thanks for such a beautifully written powerful story.
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theAnti-Bambie [2007-07-15 02:29:23 +0000 UTC]
you had me by the first line
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Chuquita [2007-07-15 02:26:33 +0000 UTC]
That was very well-written. I really enjoyed it. :3
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AlakaZenStudio [2007-07-15 00:56:30 +0000 UTC]
what a magnificent piece of literature!!!! its the best pieces ive read so far!!!!!excellent job!!!
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Birdee-Blake [2007-07-14 19:19:35 +0000 UTC]
Holy crap this is awesome XD. When I was reading this, I had that kind of feeling in the back of my head, the one you get when you listen to a really beautiful song.
The rest of it, though, was a little to deep for me XD. I'll fave it so I can come back and read it again :>
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Skellington13Rose [2007-07-14 17:14:23 +0000 UTC]
That is so beautiful. I love the flow of the words, you can see that this is brimming with the great amount of effort put into it. This really made my day. ^^
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x-Pointless-x [2007-07-14 16:58:52 +0000 UTC]
This reminds me why I started playing music in the first place.
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Winterfang [2007-07-14 16:47:25 +0000 UTC]
This is beautifully written, with a very strong grasp of character and language.
"She paused. Then, slowly, she nodded.
"For someone very special.""
I'm not sure if those were intended to be two separate paragraphs, or part of the same one.
Although this is about a violin player, it makes me want to go listen to a solo piano playing something kind of mellow.
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General-Thor [2007-07-14 15:30:31 +0000 UTC]
I'd die before wasting time with a stupid analysis. It's beautiful, and that is all there is to it. Good Job.
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ObsidianGauntlet [2007-07-14 14:49:12 +0000 UTC]
I am left short of words at the amazing beauty of this story.
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sarahmm [2007-07-14 12:36:52 +0000 UTC]
Wow... I am a violinist. Well, I was once. It has greatly troubled me since i put the instrument down. My fingers itch and burn. I once wrote a poem about it.
My heart fluttered as he broke the violin. A breath taking piece, I love it.
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parchmentheron [2007-07-14 08:15:30 +0000 UTC]
I am a musician.
My entire life - short as it may be - has been devoted to playing, creating and listening to music as much as I can.
You have accurately depicted the relationship between a man and his instrument - the way we as musicians view things...
I wish I could be more eloquent, but this is stunning and equally inspiring.
Gorgeous, gorgeous work.
Thank you for sharing your talent with the rest of us.
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OllieTeo [2007-07-14 07:50:07 +0000 UTC]
Beautiful, incredibly well-written.
A muchly-deserved DD. I only wish I knew how to say more about it.
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christwriter [2007-07-14 07:07:51 +0000 UTC]
...this has just made me cry.
I do not think I have ever, in my entire life, read anything that beautiful. Ever. I can't even find the words to explain how it made me feel. There's all the analytical BS you can pile into it, but...I wouldn't want to degrade it that way.
Aside from all the fancy things I could say about the imagry and the word choice, the only thing that really matters...at least, to me...is that when he smashed the violin I felt like the bottom dropped out of my stomach.
This is mastery of language and story-telling, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing it with me.
CW
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zephyrchaser [2007-06-26 00:27:48 +0000 UTC]
I'm finding time in bits and pieces to go through your writing. I tried to start at the beginning of the gallery, but you'd mentioned this one, so I changed my habit and read it first.
And... well... damn. This is really good.
I have to disagree with Sammi up there--the writing style didn't even register for me, and I mean that in the most complimentary of ways. One thing that's been on my mind of late is that some of the point in writing, at least for me, is just to be able to get the story across. The best writing doesn't even strike you as words, because as you read it it's spinning images or emotions in your head. It's where writing ceases to be writing in favor of becoming a story.
If I read it as a journalist I might think differently--I've been both a creative writer and a journalistic writer. The point of a journalistic story, as I see it, is to get as much information across as you can, in as interesting a manner as you can, in as few words as possible. And I applaud you for not going that way.
You have to find a balance between the two, I think. Between ornate writing and bare-bones writing. It's a challenge that I've faced in my prose and I'm sure plenty of authors have. I think you did an excellent job of it; there are enough details to provide the skeleton and flesh it out a little, and the reader's mind easily takes that and paints in the details where they're needed, without even realizing they're doing it.
The one thing here that sort of sticks up the gears is when he smashes the old violin. It surprised me, and maybe that's a good thing. It made me sad. But I'm thinking of my own guitar, and thinking if I sat and played with the guitar as my sole company for so much time, I'd be hard pressed to destroy it. Maybe it's good. Maybe it's in keeping with the man's personality. I'm not sure. But I thought I'd mention it.
Over all, it left me with a good feeling, without that nasty syrupy aftertaste that so many happy endings have.
Um... I think this is the longest comment I've ever left. Cheers?
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Koolaidmaid [2006-11-08 06:40:27 +0000 UTC]
Well I finally was able to sit down and read your latest Azy. I must say you had me reading from one sentence to the next. Your previous stories are just as colorful yet this one seemed to delve deeper into a flowing mood from one sentence to the next. I really liked you're prose of Toredor as well. Its been one of my fav's because you can play with words and weave them beautifuly together. I don't know much about writing or proper form so I can't critique as I know you would like. Its where I have very little talent. *chuckles* I'm very glad that you have this wonderful gift and others like you. I love reading. ^.^
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AngelicAzriel In reply to Koolaidmaid [2006-11-08 15:37:16 +0000 UTC]
XD As always Ari, I look to you as one of my main sources of encouragement - it's great to know that someone who reads so prolifically likes my stories so much. Thanks tons for all your compliments - they mean a lot.
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Koolaidmaid In reply to AngelicAzriel [2006-11-09 02:32:09 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad. I really would like to see you published soon. Keep at it my freind. You have a wealth of idea's and one hell of a vocab with awsome's play on words.
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sammehsweet [2006-11-03 10:10:50 +0000 UTC]
Beautiful, thoughtful piece. It makes you sit and relax and just want to turn on some classical music, or only just pausing to -stop- and make sure you witness one beautiful thing each day. It's a message for the soul.
Congrats on your use of imagery, you've got some nice use of figurative languaged weaved into your work which sets it out from the common. It's a real strength of yours, as well as producing an empathical link and rapport between your characters and audience. Thumbs up on these two!
Something you may want to watch (and its hard for me to admit because I do it so easily too) is that when you have such a command of words and good vocabulary to let things get complicated and lose your audience in the complexity. In no way am I saying that you should cut out -any- description - do not cut any out - but it might make things alittle easier if you broke down some of your sentences - some are alittle long!
Good work! Keep writing!
Sammi
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AngelicAzriel In reply to sammehsweet [2006-11-03 15:19:51 +0000 UTC]
Good lord, an actual critique! I don't think I've EVER seen one of these on any of my peices - thanks so much for taking the time to think about what I wrote! I'm very glad you enjoyed it, and I'll certainly take your ideas under consideration.
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