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AngelJaganshi — Darkened Luliby
Published: 2008-06-07 03:14:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 139; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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By: TamashiRewritten/revised by: Kairen
So now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
‘Cause no one wants me by their side
To hear my darkened lullaby
To those, who want to end my breath
I pray you’re late for I’m with death
Can’t hear my dying breaths I take?
For I am drowning in the lake
You’ll see my body floating there
In a place I can’t breathe air
So leave your sin, so I can see
All of the hate you hold for me.
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Comments: 7
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
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Should credit the original prayer, then this should be fine.
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what did you not like my poem?
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You didn't credit the original prayer you used in it.
I really don't fancy thieves.
So far, you haven't been really original. You either barrow from something, and pile your version onto it, or out right claim something - from what I can tell. You removed most of your art - which I've only pointed few to be outright copies.
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You don't read very well do you...I had put up there that it was wtriten in rythem to the prayer but I didn't know what it was called.
If you read you would have seen 'This is written to the rythem of the prayer you say before you go to bed.'
But I guess you were so stuck on rubbing it my face that "I'm not original to read snything else. You have such a one track mind that you don't know how to think differently. And I guess you haven't read anything else of mine so again. Stop degrating my poetry because you don't know what's you are messing with.
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'Stop degrading my poetry because you don't know what you're messing with'? Please. I'm moving my reply to a note, out of respect. Read it, please.
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wow that's good. i like how you used yhe prayer to give it rythem and a sence of betrayal.
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That was very good. and DARK
Raito: ^^ I like dark
Tyrus: No, I like dark, you enjoy evil....
Tenshi: O.O
Israfel: Did you have to use an innocent little childrens prayer to make it though?
Cameron: *silent;thumbs up*
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