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anmshane — I Need A Serious Reevaluation
Published: 2005-06-16 07:41:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 188; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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I need a serious reevaluation.I need a serious reevaluation.
I need to be torn apart, and then built up again
With all the right parts. Nothing that squeaks,
Everything that works, no replacements next week.
Split me open like a Campbells can,
They’ll look inside, say: “I’ll do what I can.”
Then pull this out and shove in that;
As I stare into space, flat on my back,
Asking the stars 'why I need this overhaul,'
'What I did wrong,' 'where did I fall?'
From the gracious gift I was to be;
Now a burden on our society.
Will these changes make me whole again?
Or is this only the beginning?
The parts are in place but I feel cast out.
No longer complete. I’m filled with doubt
That wasn’t there before I had myself fixed;
Before I was opened up, filled with tricks
Bits and knick knacks, which I can’t use;
That I’m stuck with and can’t give back.
They're pieces of myself forever.
They’re my burden to carry long past heaven.
-By Shane M
A few years ago
Comments: 29
"Split me open like a Campbells can" Best. Line. Ever. 
Anyways.
It's not terribly angsty at all. At least you weren't like the youth of today.. Sheezuss. Those angsty little angst muffins.
You can tell you're younger, but still, it makes a statement. Only 'advanced' critique i can give ya is that "Bits and knick knacks, which I can’t use;
That I’m stuck with and can’t give back. " sounds awkward after the flowy flowingness of flowingosity.
Oh oh.. "That wasn’t there before I had myself fixed" I like that line too. Thinking of animals, though.
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Yeah I agree. Kids today! I don't care how old and bitter I sound when saying that. Kids today are crazy!
I was always troubled by that knick knack line! I like it, but hate it. Overall I'm kinda proud of this just because of the message it conveys about myself and one could say social mentality as a whole. But then again "there's no genuis here"... so what do I know, eh? And... now I sound like a crazy old poet who thinks his shamble of words should be dissected in colleges.
What have I become?!
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You've become a serious writer. Sheezuss. I hope I never get like you. Next you'll think of your pieces as babies and start hooking them up.
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Soon my incestual army of cliche metaphorical poems will be complete... Not even Bond can stop me now!
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Oh... I'm crushed.
So what going on? Something is up. You're writing has changed and so have your responses!
I'm also still waiting to read some serious ranting and a new piece of poetry that just blows me outa the water. I've elected you as "that other writing person who inspires me to improve," that's quite an honour! You should be ecstatic!
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My writing has changed? 
Serious ranting will have to wait til monday, possibly tuesday. I'm just way too exhausted to even TYPE these rants, let alone perfect them. And I think I'm on a short hiatus from poetry.
... "other" writing person? I thought there was only me to begin with.
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I guess that was a bad choice of words. What i meant to say was: "that random person who rarely posts anything." And you are the only person who actually reads this stuff so make with the crits!
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It's about QUALITY not QUANTITY, my friend, so don't get huffy at me posting anything. Besides. I could always NOT comment on your pieces, and leave you feel alone and scared. So there.
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Well you've got a point there, and what sounds to be a bit of a threat! But you could never stop reading my writing peices! They're too wonderfull! Besides, then I'd be forced to get pat-on-the-back comments from angry 15 year olds. You wouldnt do that to me!
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That's true.. And I wouldn't have anybody to comment on, because I'm not much of an art expert so there goes my whole list of watchers.
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I bet they are all friends of your mom and she's just told them all to sign up! hehehe. So send me something really really good. I am expecting it! No... I DEMAND it.
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Well I'm heading off to my fifth soccer game of the day.. So sorry.
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have fun, good luck! hope you win, Pip pip cheerio and all that sort of the thing!
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Well we lost.. But I almost needed to get stitches
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Well almost isnt good enough, get back out there and GET THOSE STICHES.
Anyways, im off work and at home, and still on this site. I've become addicted I think.. and its terribly unhealthy. But ok, because it gives me an excuse to sit here and practice guitar (which I suck at).
Im gonna respond to a small culmination of posts.. 1. you hate marriage eh? Broken home? or just bitter about only getting to sleep with one person? (personal question, I know. haha) 2. Pictionary? ... ok... im gonna skip past that one. 3. Soccer eh? Sounds fun, and that sucks you lost but im sure you gave it your all! (If you're good I'll share a quote with you that you can live by, it really clarifies how you should feel about losing)
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At least you're addicted to something reasonable, like dA, instead of.. Pogs?
Guitar.. I used to play.
1. I hate marriage because there aren't any upsides to it.. Name one, and I'm sure I'll find something wrong with it. (Wow. I just read that. It sounds pretty deranged. 
2. Pictionary.. well.. lol. It's the only way to describe isketch.net 
3. Soccer.. Well I'm sure I gave it my all too, considering I played games for all three teams I'm on today.
And in closing.. "if i'm good" ...?
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That sucks you gave up guitar. I've been off and on for a couple years and I've finally decided to go on all the way. As for marriages, there are plenty of upsides, depending on who you are. Pictionary... ok whatever. Soccer, good job. And by 'good' i mean posting something good. If you play so much soccer where exactly do you find the time to spend so much time on the computer? I hate going on the comp after work because it feels like it's sucking away my life.
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Eh guitar wasn't my thing. I think I may start up drumming.
As for soccer and computer-ing.. I have no idea. I wake up in the morning, usually finish whatever assignment I was working on, so I just .. dawdle on the computer. Then school, soccer practice, come home for two hours, soccer practice/game, and that lasts pretty much throughout the whole week. Weekends I don't go out til at least eleven. Or I have a tournament. So that big void at the end of the week is where I fit in most of my computering.. I feel kind of pathetic to have such a routine early on in life. But at least I cover every aspect that's require-.. Damnit. I forgot to schedule in my eating and sleeping periods. 
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Wow. You have a very busy schedual. You must by able to run miles and miles with all that soccer. You're life is almost as busy as
mine!
Wake up at about 8. Drag my sleep deprived ass outa bed. Drive to work, and do whatever it is im supposed to have been doing for the last few months. get home at about 6 (if they don't make me work a 12 hour shift). Do whatever the fuck i want until whenever I decide I wont be able to function in the morning unless I fall asleep. Repeat 6 times a week. (hehehe, I need to grow up but don't know how)
My roomates pretty good with guitar, so I've been learning/ trying to write my own stuff. Maybe one day we'll need a drummer, and I'll go "wait a minute, I know someone who plays the drums! if I knew someone good..." hehehe. Do you go to college or uni?
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Eh, I think you have it worse. You actually do work, where as all I do lately is play soccer.. (When I really should be studying for exams.. Oh well. I'm sure I can wing it. Cough.)
And speaking of school.. I'm in my last year of high school, actually. My birthday is early, so, yeah. Only a week or so before I'm officially DONE. And yes, for some reason these damned Ontario schools get out freakishly late. Grr. But next year, I plan on going to university, unless I die in a tragic hot air balloon accident first. Knock on wood.
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High school. Wow. We'll, that is awesome that you are graduating! Congratulations, have fun, drink a lot and begin forgetting everything you know. A soccer playing writer in highschool who isn't a complete dits. You'll go far kid... you'll go real far.
I'd give you some advice for after grad but the only thing I'd advise is to not listen to other's advice (especially mine). I was out walking around Vancouver yesterday and a friend and I were discussing the importance of 'knock on wood.' you have just gotten a point in my cool book. That puts you at 1 point, wow!
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Well I'm heading off to my fifth soccer game of the day.. So sorry.
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an 18 year old poem writing soccer playing generally amazing condescending deviant art pimp. I have seen it all. It's only downhill from now on.
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Hey, sounds like a good idea for a poem.. "An ode to coolmodern - the condensed version"
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Ok Ok, I promise I will either post something or say something that'll be really inspiring. But when you're as old and senile as me, sometimes great works like that are hard to come by.
As for your list of watchers... what the fuck?! you have like 3000 people
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Well, ya see, I'm a dA pimp. I'm just throwing my poetry on top of everybody!
... And fifteen is HARDLY 3000.
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Aw, your poems aren't cliche. I wish they were; It'd give me something to DO, as opposed to just being nonchalantly impressed. And please. Army? Not with poetry as weak as yours, my dear.
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um... i screwed up and replyed to myself... so yeah
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um... i screwed up and replyed to myself... so yeah
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