Comments: 17
oneortheother [2013-03-03 08:49:22 +0000 UTC]
And finally I get to your latest series! Though it is a bit disturbing how AV is a fan of soft rape
First thing I noticed was typos: atask and asouthern . Not a good start ):
Also and maybe it's stylistic thing, but I'm not especially fond of the use of dialogue to open up a brand new series. Like it feels a little abrupt with the introduction of Aidan. I don't know. I would just have started with a description of the location, then cut to the weary couple then etc etc. Maybe I'm not picking, but yer. You kind of just dive into the characters, no descriptions, no idea of their ages, don't really know the time, the location, their professions, we just know their names, just Aidan and Lani. Just Aidan is the artistic one
So yeah. Pacing.
It's not unless the mamano appears (and even the term mamano would confuse non-ToG players) that we get a description of Lani and much later till we get one of Aidan. Having the mamano describe Lani was an interesting stylistic choice, but I think you missed a trick where you could have had the mamano describe Lani with her ticklish spots in mind (which is something I plan on doing in one of my later chapters).
Like "she was wearing a sleeveless gray jerkin that left plenty of skin exposed, if the woman was ticklish there this would be too easy, the Werecat thought. She was also wearing durable boots that the Werecat wanted to rip open as soon as possible to see how ticklish the feet hidden inside were."
Just think that maybe you missed a trick there with a standard description. The mamano are tickle freaks, show that in their thinking xD
(oh and Shethumped typo)
I did like your "bitchy ones are always fun to tickle", as I'm sure Nadya would testify!
Also the Werecat goes Nyan? Bahahaha, LIKE THE NYANCAT OF COURSE. [link]
I've also noticed AV like playing with fire. Hehe, I mean that in he loves to say "firestorm in her loins", "insteps set her feet on fire with sensations." It's an interesting figure of speech that I don't see associated with tickling that much (electricity and jolts seem to be more commonly associated with it).
Oh, and Lani is quite the vengeful ler. Hell hath no fury like a woman tickled, eh?
After the juicy tickling scene I admittedly skipped ahead. I have read this story fairly recently and this comment already feels too long xD
This exchange was hilarious though. LANI IS SO MEAN.
After three run-ins with this type of mamono, Lani felt as though she had a unique and unbiased grasp of their disposition.
“Cunty.”
Aidan shook his head.
“No, we have to make it professional.”
Lani put a hand to her face and furrowed her brow in thought.
“Professionally cunty?” she offered.
Oh, and of course Lani sticks her feet in Aidan's face to end the story. It's an AV story xD
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oneortheother In reply to AnnalsVotary [2013-03-06 02:09:27 +0000 UTC]
A very ticklish sides/underarms/thighs have yet to investigate further. Chinese girl with adorable British accent (studied abroad). Always wears short shorts/dressed, flip flops and an anklet (though tragically no nail polish).
May have been friendzoned, but playing poker with her on fri and then going out for boozing. Letcha know, bro.
How are you? HOW IS YOUR LUCKY LADY? Insteps still ticklish? How did she react to your 'investigating' this btw?
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oneortheother In reply to AnnalsVotary [2013-03-07 00:53:23 +0000 UTC]
See how it goes! Been crazy busy with schoolwork these days (I have to go from 8-4 and I have tuition duty as well).
YOUR FIANCEE SOUNDS SO CUTE.
Was it when you realized she was feather ticklish that you decided she was the one xD
BECAUSE THATS WHAT IM DOING TOO : DDDDD
But yes. So how goes things, AV? Most interesting thing you've done in the past week? For me it has to be tutoring this jailbait girl with a fiery temperament and a tendency to wear very short shorts and flip flops.
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oneortheother In reply to AnnalsVotary [2013-03-08 02:06:07 +0000 UTC]
Studying to be an English teacher, so my teaching practice is really really bad. 8-5 a day, for the next three weeks and no pay. It's terrible.
Thankfully the money I make off my tuition helps it feel like I'm not just wasting all my time.
How goes the writing?
And getting dinner with her today. Will see if I can investigate further.
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AnnalsVotary In reply to oneortheother [2013-03-08 02:23:38 +0000 UTC]
Ah, damn, that's a career path I was considering and then left entirely. At least there's the tuition.
The writing is picking up a little bit, but still too slow for what I would prefer. I have another request to do too, something shorter than the last so it won't be as intensive I think.
Also dinner! Not bad at all :3. Hopefully things will pick up from there.
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oneortheother In reply to AnnalsVotary [2013-03-08 04:23:39 +0000 UTC]
Now tuition is good money, make no mistake! Thank god I have my tuition still going. My teaching practice is 3 weeks of 'experience' which means absolutely no pay. So my tuition is what gets me up in the morning, (that and a bit of light kleptomania). I've got 30 animals (all boys) in my class and an idiotic mainland girl (with bastardized English) as a partner. I've heard my students make fun of her English, and to be honest, it is completely justified. She says the word 'Smile' and "Smell". Ugh.
Oooh, what's the request?
And dinner isn't much... it's only interesting if it's dinner followed up by a quick bondage and worship session. AMIRITE.
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oneortheother In reply to AnnalsVotary [2013-03-09 04:17:38 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, I'm not actually sure I want to be a secondary school teacher as much as I want to be a university lecturer/professor/private tutor but I need this degree to do that and I have to do a ton of Teaching Practice in order to do so. But yeah, I really don't want to talk about it.
Oh, but I justify the kleptomania in that I feel that me slaving away for 3 weeks sucks. So thus I take a few trinkets, books, umbrellas, badges, that kind of thing from the storerooms that I know won't be missed (: Damnit, I want to feel like I've earned something for all my trouble! If nothing more I would have gotten Orwell's 1984 out of it (:
THE REQUEST SOUNDS JUICY. And the longer the better, AV, so I'm surely not complaining!
And haha, if only a light dinner could build up to that. I casually mentioned my foot fetish to one of my good gal friends the other day (I usually tell most of my good friends about it just so I can make comments like "check out that solecandy in the short shorts"). And it turns out this girl has actually had her feet worshiped before and described it as "good tickling". Hmmm, I wonder she would be up for being friends with worshippy benefits...
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