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Description
(i know it's extreamly long but it's importent for me)
Hello again..
i know i've been gone for so long but i'm back i guess....
well the reason i was gone is because i had really bad case of depression, i feel kinda awkward talking about it but i also feel like i need to share and it'll probably make me feel better about myself too.
since the start of this year i was dealing with a lot of things at once; being at 5 points math group (the highest rank of math here in Israel), being in two classes that i chose but i suffered at and trying to be happy and social as best i could. neturally it came with a lot of stress. my grades went down and i really feared of disappointing my parents and grendma, i stopped doing stuff i liked to do like drawing or playing Maplestory (yes i like this game i don't care if you think it's old ok?) because everytime i did my grendma said "you did enough of that, go do some math and arabic" and when my mental strength and health went down my parents thought i was just being lazy. i foght my best of being the perfect daughter but everything i did felt like a failure for me. as the year went i started becoming really suicidal and depressed and i was so sick of everything but whenever i told my parents about it they just shook it off as it was nothing. one week in Februray i became sick, and after a very stressful year i felt free for once but when the week ended my mom told me i should start worrying about school as i missed a whole week. when she said that my mind went through all the hardships i had this year and how am i going to leave the freedom i had for the first time in forever. the same night my mom cought me crying myself to sleep and for the first time she was willing to listen to me and to how i feel. after i openned up for her my depression became worse. i felt like a failure and that i'm disappointment to everyone and everybody in my life. my motivation to do anything went down and i felt hopeless and weak and i just couldn't help myself anymore. i felt like i was falling and that i can't hold on to anything.
i won't get further into that (i can't do this to myself amymore) but to sum up i almost tried to kill myself and fortunately i was too scrared to do so, i'm now under a lot less stress and i have medications and therapy and i'm doing a lot better then i did before. my motivation started to come back and this is the first drawing i drew in months so i didn't try to make it look better cause i'm so proud in myself for getting this far. i wanted to let you know how i fell even though you don't know me or anything about me but that's a start. maybe i'll tell more about myself when i'll be better then now.

but i don't want to talk only about depressing stuff cause i have a lot of things i thought about while becoming better. first of all i'm thinking about taking requests, even though i'm not as popular as some people are but i think it will help my motivation and inspiration grow. i also thought about making a youtube channel and make some speedpaints and talk about life and what i think because i love doing so.

last but not least i wanted to say a couple of things, they are unrealted but i felt it's importent to say so.
i wanted to say sorry for Skyilere because you've been so nice to me and i just disappeared without saying anything, thank you for being a good friend
and thank you for Bukubird cause your drawing competition was the first thing that i've ever won (i consider this as a win at least) and it made me feel better about myself and my art skills, it's actually something that helped me keep on going. not only that, but your drawing you did for me is absolutely perfect and i really liked it. it kinda became my goal to who i want to be when i'll get healthier in like half a year from now. (i actually hope that we can talk some more if you don't care) so again, thank you.

as for the comics it was mostly because i wanted to make myself laugh. i'm not really going to get depressed again but i was extreamly overwhelmed with this number of notifications.

Description
(i know it's extreamly long but it's importent for me)
Hello again..
i know i've been gone for so long but i'm back i guess....
well the reason i was gone is because i had really bad case of depression, i feel kinda awkward talking about it but i also feel like i need to share and it'll probably make me feel better about myself too.
since the start of this year i was dealing with a lot of things at once; being at 5 points math group (the highest rank of math here in Israel), being in two classes that i chose but i suffered at and trying to be happy and social as best i could. neturally it came with a lot of stress. my grades went down and i really feared of disappointing my parents and grendma, i stopped doing stuff i liked to do like drawing or playing Maplestory (yes i like this game i don't care if you think it's old ok?) because everytime i did my grendma said "you did enough of that, go do some math and arabic" and when my mental strength and health went down my parents thought i was just being lazy. i foght my best of being the perfect daughter but everything i did felt like a failure for me. as the year went i started becoming really suicidal and depressed and i was so sick of everything but whenever i told my parents about it they just shook it off as it was nothing. one week in Februray i became sick, and after a very stressful year i felt free for once but when the week ended my mom told me i should start worrying about school as i missed a whole week. when she said that my mind went through all the hardships i had this year and how am i going to leave the freedom i had for the first time in forever. the same night my mom cought me crying myself to sleep and for the first time she was willing to listen to me and to how i feel. after i openned up for her my depression became worse. i felt like a failure and that i'm disappointment to everyone and everybody in my life. my motivation to do anything went down and i felt hopeless and weak and i just couldn't help myself anymore. i felt like i was falling and that i can't hold on to anything.
i won't get further into that (i can't do this to myself amymore) but to sum up i almost tried to kill myself and fortunately i was too scrared to do so, i'm now under a lot less stress and i have medications and therapy and i'm doing a lot better then i did before. my motivation started to come back and this is the first drawing i drew in months so i didn't try to make it look better cause i'm so proud in myself for getting this far. i wanted to let you know how i fell even though you don't know me or anything about me but that's a start. maybe i'll tell more about myself when i'll be better then now.

but i don't want to talk only about depressing stuff cause i have a lot of things i thought about while becoming better. first of all i'm thinking about taking requests, even though i'm not as popular as some people are but i think it will help my motivation and inspiration grow. i also thought about making a youtube channel and make some speedpaints and talk about life and what i think because i love doing so.

last but not least i wanted to say a couple of things, they are unrealted but i felt it's importent to say so.
i wanted to say sorry for Skyilere because you've been so nice to me and i just disappeared without saying anything, thank you for being a good friend
and thank you for Bukubird cause your drawing competition was the first thing that i've ever won (i consider this as a win at least) and it made me feel better about myself and my art skills, it's actually something that helped me keep on going. not only that, but your drawing you did for me is absolutely perfect and i really liked it. it kinda became my goal to who i want to be when i'll get healthier in like half a year from now. (i actually hope that we can talk some more if you don't care) so again, thank you.

as for the comics it was mostly because i wanted to make myself laugh. i'm not really going to get depressed again but i was extreamly overwhelmed with this number of notifications.