HOME | DD
Araahiel — Man
Published: 2007-11-08 22:38:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 131; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
Redirect to original
Description
See that Man?That Man, a
Man standing alone.
Standing there,
There alone and unaware,
Alone without a care,
Without a Dream,
A Man that could be -
Friend, see that Man?
See that Dream?
That Dream, a
Dream dying silent,
Dying there,
There absent of grief,
Absent without a care,
Without a Love,
A Dream that could be -
Friend, see that Dream?
See that Love?
That Love, a
Love drifting away,
Drifting there,
There afraid and quiet,
Afraid without reason,
Without a Man,
A Love that could be -
Friend, see that Love?
Related content
Comments: 2
Is it just me, or is part of the pattern:
"That" followed by the last word of the first line, then in the second line, the second word is the first word of the third line. And in the third line, the second word is the beginning of the fourth line; so on and so fourth? And when it says "Without a ___", the ___ is the next main focus of the next stanza?
It's very well written and each stanza flows nicely, the last line and the first lines match well, but when you read it out loud the last lines stand out the most.
I feel the last line of the whole poem could have been a bit stronger overall, yet it did have a ton of meaning, which is great.
There is an error in spelling though, "dieing" should be "dying".
The capitalization of the main concepts in each stanza was a good addition as well.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yes, you found the main pattern.
Good, I got the effect on the last lines of the stanzas that I wanted, that's good to know, thank you.
I agree, I don't like the last line of the whole poem. I wanted it to be "Friend, see that Man?" but I couldn't work out a way to get the first stanza as the last one and it have the same effect... it is a problem...
Opps... thanks for the spelling catch!
Well, thank you. I appreciate the feedback. ^_^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0