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Aranel-Elensar β :|: Suicide Note :|:
Published: 2012-06-18 17:23:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 1922; Favourites: 128; Downloads: 38
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Kyle Spratt - Suicide Note I got cocky.
But I wanna die, not gonna lie,
Thoughts of suicide keep crossing my mind on a regular basis.
Going crazy cause I'm going through bullshit on a regular basis.
Look me in the face, I'm sick in my eyes cause I'm sick in the mind.
I've been wishing to die ever since I was 9.
This isn't a lie.
I don't bitch just to whine or bullshit just to rhyme about it.
I don't cry just to spit, just to try to quilt trip...
Cause I could give two shits about your pity.
I ain't trying to get everyone to feel bad for me,
I'd rather dis everyone and make y'all mad at me.
I ain't a happy person and I ain't that liked.
Not even by myself.
I know I ain't that nice,
But people don't understand how much I hate my life.
Cause if they did they`d know how bad I want to take this knife and be...
Killing myself,
Taking matters to my own hands.
I can't picture myself as a grown (wo)man.
I don't wanna grow up.
I hate change and everything's just so rearranged.
My life's nothing but a disaster,
And time keeps going by faster,
But in a second all that shit wont matter...
Fuck this Imma kill myself.
--
Before anyone who sees this freaks out, chill out, itβs just a song. Iβm not going to kill myself. I appreciate your worries but I don't need another speech about it. I don't take suicide lightly but seriously, sometimes this is how I feel.
Even though I usually hate rap with a passion, this song explains how I feel mostly all the time, even the end of the song, though obviously I'm not dead, lol. Listen to it all if you want to understand or just want a good depressed/angsty song to listen to. I was down in a deep pit when I found it but after listening to it, I felt stronger. You have to listen to the whole song to get what I mean.
But, anyway, it explains my feelings and blah blah emotion shit. Rough times. I hate everything. Woo.
--
About the picture.
This is Ricochet, who got a design change that I haven't posted yet. You know, I realized that I draw a lot of stuff that doesn't even make it to deviantART, ff. I don't know why.
Anyways, Chet has had rough times too and anyone who knows her knows how hard it is for her to keep it together. Well, her in the comic is a bit different, but for the RP's she's been in, they know.
Enjoy.
--
Ricochet (C) Me
Shading (C) My wonderful bb.<3 *CrossHound213
Because I can't shade worth shit...
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Comments: 75
I really like this. I think your art work and style is lovely. I like the hood.
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Thanks so much.<3 c:
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Of course. You are very welcome. Please continue creating lovely art. I look forward to your work.
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Its a good picture.... To bad the title and Lyrics are so depressing...
Maybe it's only me though.
Recently my best friend killed himself so maybe i am a bit sensitive to it.
Or not, it's the 5th of my closest friends to do it within a 4 year period. I have had 8 people die in that time... unfortunate.
Just a bit depressing because it reminds me of my friends.
___
Regardless of that though, Unbiased opinion is that it is a really good picture, i love the clothes, and the body language is good too.
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Thank you, though I do apologize that it made you feel depressed by bringing up personal things. I was feeling rather depressed and very emotional at the time, so I suppose it could rub off as well as the song lyrics itself. Though, the song, even if a rap, is empowering at the end, if you wanted to listen to the whole thing. It made me feel better, at least.
Thank you again.<3 I love drawing cloth and fabric. c: And thank you for the watch!
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Ohhh Chet is so sexay ;D I absolutely envy your art dlsfjsd'lfjds you're so good at clothing, too, just sjlafdjs ;w; That sucks that you're upset, I wont' go nosing where I'm not supposed to, but I'm free for notes and shit, we're all here to support you 
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Hnnnnng, thanks Ana.<3 Dx
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Sexay skillz. Unfunf.
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This looks great, everything from the pose to the expression in her face and eyes. I like the hoodie as well. This is very deep and you can tell you put your heart into this.
And great job on the shading CrossHound. You both did amazing with this.
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Hnnng, thank you, Ookami.<33 I love drawing clothes, pifft... I'm glad you can tell because a lot of emotion went into her.<3 Dx I think I like her face the best. Especially her eye, unf.
And yes.<33 Muh bb knows how to shade like a BAMF. D:< Lol... our comic shall be epic.
COMIC, OOKAMI, COMICCCCCCC. /flails
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You really can tell. Which is why I like it so much, it kind of reminds me of how I feel most of the time and it is a gorgeous portrayal of your emotion.
Yes it shall! You're getting me overly excited now! Haha you should know better than to pump me up, the results are ridiculous lol. I should practice so I can get as epic as you two, but with my own heart and soul to it. Than maybe I can do fan art of what will be an epic comic. ^_^
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Hnnng, I'm excited too! I wish Courtz and I weren't such procrastinators! xDD Well, we're really busy now anyway, especially her. College and church stuff for her and work and moving into my own place for me, fuuu. Such work. Dx
Ohhh, yes. 8D You should draw more and practice~ Even on paper is great practice. Heart and soul drawings are always great.<3 c: And yay, fanart.<33 I shall forever flail in happiness. xDD
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You guys are better than me. I'm terrible at doing anything and I don't even have a reason not to. >.<
It has been a while since I've practiced with a good old fashioned pencil and paper haha. I don't do a whole lot of anything anymore. v.v
And yes, flailing in happiness is good.
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Fff, why haven't you been doing stuff? :0 If you don't mine me asking. I haven't drawn on paper in forever either. Not since I joined dA. xD All digital, ff.
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Well.. it's pathetic really. I think it's just that I've been too depressed and it makes it hard to do anything that actually matters to me. And then I get frustrated and depressed that I'm not doing it anymore which only makes it worse. I hate it. >.<
Awe I'd like to see some of your traditional stuff sometime then, see the difference from your digital work. It's always cool to see.
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If I can find any of my traditional stuff, I'll have to scan it sometime and upload it to see. xD
And fff, it sucks when you have depression block. :c That's what Courtz gets all the time. Me being depressed actually fuels my art stuff, which makes me draw more, lol. I'm thankful for that.
Maybe just try to draw or write or whatever you want to do? If it doesn't work out then just try again later, if you want.
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You should indeed! Haha
Yeah sometimes it helps me do more, and it at least inspires ideas. But for some reason it just gets in the way sometimes. Right now I'm being stubborn and forcing myself to practice. Sadly even though I felt open to draw things were coming out crappy, but it's getting better as I go haha.
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Well, all I can say is just to remember that even if you think your art looks crappy right now, as you practice it will get better~ You should see some of my old old art. xD I never would've thought I would make it this far on my own. I've been thinking about taking college art classes like Courtz has been doing but I'm stubborn to prove that I don't need school to be a better artist like my family says I do.
What are you drawing now? :0
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Well you're coming along well. I have a hard time deciding whether I want to take classes for it or not myself. But you're even younger than I am and so much better, so no worries. That and both of you are improving and I expect some great stuff out of both of you.
Well I'm just doing wolf practice right now, getting the sketching down and building it from there so I can sketch without heavy reference again. I'm not saving any of it, just doing it over and over until I get the needed shapes down so I can teach myself what I need personally as a ground piece to work with and build on.
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Huh, how old are you then? I'm going to be 20 this year, lol. And thank you.<3 I hope our first comic goes well so we can do the other ideas we have stored away also. Though, we need to stop being lazy, ff.
Ah, that's a good and smart thing to do. It helps with anatomy and such~ Using references is a good thing to learn though, so maybe find some wolf pictures if you wanted to do so~ It's how I learned my anatomy. xD
I'm glad you're practicing too, though.<3 I hate it when people bitch and complain that they can't draw but won't PRACTICE to get better. D:< Just bitch some more. Makes me want to flip tables.
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That would be great to see, I bet you two have great ideas. I'll be 21 next month, so I'm not a whole lot older or anything but you already have such a big step in front of me as far as your art skill goes.
Yes I am trying to practice. When I say shit I'm not getting better I straight up get mad at myself for not practicing more. >.<
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Hm, well, I know it's not glorious to hear but some people just need to practice more, I guess. Just like with singing. I watch X Factor all the time and all of those 16yr olds with the singing voice of a 30yr old woman is just amazing to watch and listen to. Makes me want to practice singing more. xDD I always try to remember that practice makes perfect, even if the way there is hard, long, and somewhat depressing, ff.
Lol, you're not one of those people.<3 xD And, well, now you are so that's good. 8D I'm trying to find my traditional stuff, pifft.
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Ohh yeah I've been practicing my singing more lately just because I enjoy it. It feels good when you can do well, but that goes for anything. ^_^
I'm glad i'm not one of those people.. I'm enough of a pain in the ass in other ways, like filling up your beautiful deviation with my nonsense. >.<
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I love to sing.<33 8D I'm just too damn shy to do it in front of anyone but Brian, lol.
And fff, I'm sure some comment stalker (LIKE COURTZ, EHEM >u> I know you'll read this.) will enjoy seeing what we're talking about. xDD I don't mind anyway~ I never see you anywhere else so I take the chance to talk to you through dA comments. xDD
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The only person I sing in front of is my best friend Reyes haha. Other than that I like to sing in the shower or in my car... or when I'm alone in the house.
Lol I've already figured Courtz would read all of this which is why I haven't talked bad about her.. er I mean. Lol I'm just kidding I love you both.
Well even if I were in chat it kicks me out all the damn time so I gave up. And I like you and Courtz and your art so I try to be supportive and anything that catches my eye I comment on. Otherwise I'm kind of sluethy haha.
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Haha I knew it! Stalker! That's ok it's an honor to have you comment stalking.
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>u>
what is this stalking you speak of fff
tell Laurz to pay attention to me D:< i've been sitting at our chat forever sounding the Courtzdar fuuuuu and i sent her a text
FOREVER ALOOOOONE
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Awe she's not paying attention? Have I been distracting her too deeply? I can't see how, I'm not all that exciting. >.<
And she can't ignore the Courtzdar! There could be shenanigans afoot!
Nooo, not alone.
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there will be major mischief and shenanigans afoot if she doesn't notice me D:< I SHALL CAUSE CHAOS
pfffffft i was going to stream but i can't get her to notice me
i hope she didn't go get food D:< that takes her 239847293847 years
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Ohh chaos! I like this! Let's cause mayhem and chaos either way, like the great Goddess Eris! [link] *drools* She's so amazing!
Awe I love streams! Twilittiger is doing a traditional one right now. ^_^ I'm the only one talking though >.< Everyone else are a bunch of wusses... WUSSES!
And she did say she hasn't eaten all day so that may be the case.
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ooooooh she looks cool XD reminds me of Fate >u> Fate likes to do that too
GLORIOUS CHAOSSSS
pfffft i was right, she went to eat XD
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She's amazing... me and my friend Reyes (Our duo is much like yours and Laurz, including having awesome ideas and never getting around to them) like to quote her a lot. We want to (another thing we aspire to do and probably never will) find all the clips of her best quotes and make a vid of them to put on youtube. And this one won't be dubbed... almost all the vids of her are fandubbed and I hate it! lol
Haha brilliant deduction, my dear Courtz.
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I used to be like that about the shower until my ex told me I had a good voice, and when I asked how she knew she said she could hear me sing in the shower. Now despite the fact I was told I had a good voice I'm still too scared to really go all out in the shower anymore. >.<
Well I'm glad. As long as you actually like them and they help you realize the good points of your art and how awesome you're doing I'll keep commenting. And if I ever fav anything I very rarely leave without commenting because I feel there should be a comment for every fav. If I have a reason to fav it I have something to say about it. I love livestreams haha, haven't been in any for a while though which sucks.
Oh by the way I was wondering, is your signature a reference to a Zelda flute song?
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Yep, same for me~ xD Or when I'm just in my room. I'm sure everyone can hear me but I can't see them so they're automatically not there. >u>
Bahaha, we would never say anything bad. >u>
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I used to be like that about the shower until my ex told me I had a good voice, and when I asked how she knew she said she could hear me sing in the shower. Now despite the fact I was told I had a good voice I'm still too scared to really go all out in the shower anymore. >.<
Well I'm glad. As long as you actually like them and they help you realize the good points of your art and how awesome you're doing I'll keep commenting. And if I ever fav anything I very rarely leave without commenting because I feel there should be a comment for every fav. If I have a reason to fav it I have something to say about it. I love livestreams haha, haven't been in any for a while though which sucks.
Oh by the way I was wondering, is your signature a reference to a Zelda flute song?
(grumbles about accidentally replying to own comment)
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Pifft, that would scare me too. I'd be like WUTUCANHEARME? Never again... xD You should make a video of you singing and put it on youtube. >u> I would watch it. 8D
One day I was feeling brave and sung while I was in the kitchen and my grandma Bard told me I had a beautiful voice and I'm like Fuu, thanks. /scurries off back to room
Lol, I love your comments.<3 As I said, they make me feel better about myself and my art. xD So, once again, I thank you. And I almost never fav anything, ff. It has to be amazing, a stamp, or something for me to fav. xD No offense to any artists, but that's just how my brain works. I don't watch anyone either, just creep and stalk. >u>
Lol, well, if Courtz streams tonight, I could note you if you're around? xD I don't know if she will or not because of her school stuff but if she does, I can let you know~ It'd only be us 3 then, though.
FFFF. I was wondering if anyone would ever notice! xD It's Epona's song.<3 I grew up on Zelda and ohmyfuck I love it. xDD I've been actually wanting to get an ocarina and learn to play, though it looks really complcated, fuu.
And trololol, I've done that before. xD Though, because of confusion, I just reply straight from my message center thing because I'll end up replying to my own comment. Like someone else. >u>
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I'm exactly the same way... two girls at a concert (again I had no idea anyone could hear me and I was singing my heart out to Evanescence because it is my favorite band) said I had a beautiful voice. I hope I can still sing all out at concerts because I loved doing that.. I howl too so I wonder what they thought of that considering they had to have heard that too. >.<
Awe well it is an honor to do so. And I'm the same way. I'm more likely to comment on things more if I like and want to support the person and their art but it still has to be something I like. And I only fav if I really like it. I comment way more than other people comment on my stuff though just because I think people should get some good feedback if their work is good. I checked the stats today and it said I give about 75 comments for every 10 recieved rofl. Oh well I like to do that for people, just makes me feel fail. v.v
I would love to join you guys if neither of you mind. If I didn't suck I would set up my own or something but I'm nervous for anyone to see me,especially when I'm in this phase where little skill is involved, just brain training.
Well I saw it and I was like... wait a second that looks like a flute/ocarina song from Zelda. So I counted and sure enough there were 6 arrows so I had a feeling it was so! Haha. How much are ocarina's? I think it would be an awesome instrument to play, I've always wanted a flute and I like rare instruments. Which is why I want to play the koto lol. But you should go for it!
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Pifft, well at least they're complimenting you saying you had a beautiful voice. 8D That makes it a bit better but I know the feeling where you're like, "Errr... Thanks. /runs away" xD You howl? Like a dog howl? xD I do that too, pifft. I apparently sound like a dog because the neighbor dog will howl with me. xDD Patch just looks at me like a grumpy old man and waddles away, ff.
Lol, wow that's a lot of comments. xDD But yeah, I only comment/fav/and such if I really like it~ You need to draw more for me to comment. D:< Lol. You know, I could always redline for you if you wanted to practice like that. I don't mind and it'd only take a second. xD I find watching streams of people help me learn things, which is why I always like to have Courtz stream, pifft. I want to vacuum in her art class skills. xDD And okay, I'll note you if she does~ Let's hope I remember, pifft.
Zeldaaaaa.<3 Fff, I have no idea. xD I think you can actually make your own. I've seen videos for that on youtube, also videos of people playing them.<3 This chick ( [link] ) is really good at the Zelda songs. She cuts off notes sharply sometimes, but I know I wouldn't be able to do that. xDD
Pifft, maybe someday I'll try. Or I want to learn to play the violin.<33 I fecking love violins, hnng. I've actually never heard of a koto. xD What is it?
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Haha yes indeed. With more practice I'll be ready for Evanescence when they come around again lol. And no... I howl like a wolf haha but I always have ever since I was a kid. I think the dogs in my neighborhood are used to me because they rarely respond anymore.
Well what I've been doing more lately is writing poems. But yeah I should draw more... Right now I'm just practicing though, and considering I'm trace sketching (just taking the general shapes not complete tracing) I don't consider that counting so I won't save or upload any of it. I do have a couple sketches I did freehand that turned out ok that would be cool to finish though. I love livestreams for the same reason amongst the fact that is just enjoyable to watch a good artist at work and have conversations with some cool people.
That is so cool! Holy pop tarts the one she is playing is expensive! I like the violin but I haven't touched one since I was a kid. Love Lindsey Stirling because she is amazing and she is a sweetheart, she has even replied to a couple of my comments and I had the pleasure of being there for a live online interview of her, it was great. A koto is a japanese instrument, there are a couple different versions the two I know of are the one that is a lying down instrument and one that looks more like a guitar. Behold awesome koto playing! [link]
I do play around on the piano some since I can pick things up by ear and found a koto function on my grandma's keyboard haha. I figured out how to play something that is similar to the traditional folk song Sakura, which is this. [link]
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Dog, wolf, canine.. I howl too. xDD
Ohh, poems are cool.<3 I've never gotten into poems much, seeing as I'm horrible at them, pifft. And, well. tracing is a good way to get anatomy stuck in your mind, lol. Yes, livestreams are usually really fun to go to~ cx
FF. How much is it? I never looked/noticed. I fucking love Lindsey Stirling, ffff.<3 Makin' Courtz jealous with my fawning, bahahaha trololol. xD That's awesome when a popular person, let it be an artist or a youtuber, replies to your comments.<3 Always gets me excited, pifft. And that is awesome, I would have loved to see her in an interview. Dx
Ohhh, those things! I've seen them but didn't know what they were called. xDD They sound awesome though.<3 Probably hard to learn too. The only thing I can play on piano is London Bridge is falling down pifft. That song is really cool, though.<3 :0 You're lucky to be able to do that. xD Instruments hate me.
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I'm just saying my howl isn't a dog howl. But it's awesome you do too! That makes me happy. ^_^
I love writing poetry. My last three deviations have been poetry because I haven't been submitting any drawings. Oh sweet Twilittiger is streaming, something traditional too. Don't see those often. And I'm not tracing ever detail... I don't like to do that, I hate that. Just trying to figure out anatomy shapes and what works best for me. [link] <<
The one she was playing is 115 dollars. I love Lindsey too! And I didn't actually get to see her but I heard her talking and one of the guys that hosts those mentioned one of my comments I typed and it was awesome to hear her reply personally.
I think a koto would be very hard to learn... so we shall see. I'm still trying to teach myself to play piano again, which I don't practice that enough either. I'm such a fail artist lol. I'm glad I can do that though, I've picked up on quite a few things and every now and again I'll accidentally play the first two or three notes of something and figure out some of the song from there.
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Ohh, I've never watched her. Well, seeing as I don't watch anyone, I rarely go to any streams. xD Only if I'm told about them, lol. Yeah, I don't like it when people completely trace a picture either. Dx It seems they don't understand the line between referencing and outright tracing, ff. What you got there looks pretty good, though. :0 Some anatomy is wrong but it still looks good. xD
Holy monkey. Expensive little piece of porcelain/plastic. D:< Hnnng, that's so awesome. Dx What was your question to her?
Fff, I tried to learn how to play the guitar by myself and that was a nogo so good luck with a koto. xD Pifft, you're not fail, you're just apart of the procrastination team. xDD Lazyyyy. That's awesome that you can do that though~ I wish I could lay something well. xD I used to play the trumpet but that skill is long gone, ff.
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Pft I'm the only one in the stream saying anything as usual. >.<
Oh well thank you. Onward to more practice! I will figure this out lol.
Well it was more a comment that I was excited to see what her dubstep video was going to be like. I should have asked her where she was doing it considering I watched it after it was made and she did it in Colorado! Where I live! Sheesh.. haha.
I don't remember how to play the guitar anymore... I was always better with the tablature. And yes... I'm a procrastinator.
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Pifft, that's always annoying when you're the only one talking. xD Like, fuuuu, come one people. D:<
Jesus, you could've went and stalked the hell out of her! xDD Fuu, all the way over in Colorado. Dx No one ever comes to PA. ;n;
Fff, another instrument I don't know. >u> And woo, join our club. xD We have cupcakes, cookies, and coffee! The 3 essential c's. 8D
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It makes me feel like I talk too damn much. >.< But if you see me in real life that's far from true.
I wouldn't have stalked her but I would have loved to meet her. It's funny because I thought about typing if she ever came to Colorado I would do my best to welcome her to what I consider my home and stuff. Turns out she was already here. >.<
I feel like everyone I meet online is from PA haha. A club huh? Not a fan of cupcakes or coffee but sometimes I like cookies and the occasional coffee.
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