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Description
It had been a good day in the life of the crew on Serenity.  They'd just finished a less than optional job presented to them from the psychotic low-life known to them as Badger - a simple smash and grab, but with more security than an Alliance hospital on Ariel or a personal floating island.  Of course, it was an Alliance-controlled building hiding personal profiles on all known criminals in the sector, so security was bound to be tighter than the anal sphincter of an aristocratic millionaire.  Figuratively speaking.

Serenity was docked in a safe locale a half a league out of town and, as was the custom, Wash, Simon and River stayed aboard while the rest of the crew did the "dirty work."  Book spent his time planetside preaching religiosity to the locals while Inara catered to a well-paying client.  It had been one of the more technical jobs, so Kaylee had to lend her mechanical and electrical skills to the team, and since there was little shooting, she didn't freeze up too often.

But all that was behind them.  The documents were secure, escape had been achieved with only minor scrapes and a few bruises - another rarity.  And now, in the sanctity of a friendly, out-of-the-way bar, Mal, Zoe, Jayne and Kaylee indulged themselves to the best of beverages that make you blind before returning to their favorable home-on-the-move.

"Some shiny thinkin', Jayne," complimented Malcolm to the resident gunslinger, "slippin' into that garbage bin as a hiding place."

"Can't say as I agree, Cap'n."  Zoe replied as she approached with a cup of alcohol in her hand.  Mal shot her a questioning stare.  "Be smellin' that goh se on him more'n a week."

Jayne looked dejectedly at Zoe, but mustered up a defensive reply.  "S'either that 'r bein' dead in a ditch.  Me smellin' bad, you can avoid as you want.  Once yer dead, 'ts'over."

Kaylee, who had been, up until now, calmly slouched in a chair, sipping her fermented liquid said, "Jus' needs a bath 's'all."  The other three looked to her; she was not on her first drink.

"And just where d'you s'pose we'll be findin' a bath 'round here, xiao meimei?"  Mal asked, somewhat taken aback at her seemingly easy approach.

Kaylee turned toward Mal, confusion on her face.  "We got sponges, don't we?"  It was asked as if it explained everything, but Mal returned the look of confusion.

"Not sure Jayne knows how t' work a sponge."  Muttered Zoe as she took her seat.

"What was that?"  Jayne's ears were a bit too keen at that moment.  He stood up, lookin' all manner of intimidating as he towered over her.

Mal, reacting quickly to the currently-drifting-out-of-control situation, rose as well, his arms held up in front of him, palms toward Jayne, "Woah, woah!  S'posed ta be celebratin' here."  He said as he gingerly tapped his chest - a very faint crinkling sound could be heard at that moment.  "Y'wanna fight, best look at someone else this bar.  No need t'be fightin' amongst ouselves."

Jayne reached down, angrily taking his empty cup in hand, and started walking to the bartender, "Sure thing, Cap."  His voice was heavy with sarcasm.

Mal raised his voice for Jayne to hear, "No need to be tetchy, neither!"  Lowering his voice so only those at the table could hear him, "Best get this over to Badger 'fore anyone else gets -"

It was the familiar shout of surprise that proceeds someone being punched world's over that had interrupted the Captain.  Mal turned to see a man laid out not far from Jayne's feet.  "He wasn't supposed to take that literally."  He said in a sigh.

"Not sure Jayne knows how not to."  Offered Zoe, not bothering to get up and help him as the brawl started to get more serious.

Luckily, the bartender was a sensible man.  He pulled up a shotgun from underneath the bar and pointed it at the pile of flailing arms and legs that was a fight.  Nothing happened.  The bartender cocked the shotgun.

The sound was audible enough to Jayne to warrant a look over his shoulder.  The barrel of a gun was enough to put some sense into him.  The bar grew suddenly quiet.  Music slowed to a halt, conversations hushed and the silence was deafening.  Jayne rose, arms up in surrender, as he backed away from the bruised pair on the floor, "Fight's over; can put that away, now."  He said to the man.

"Out."  Was all he replied.

Jayne slowly backed out of the bar, the doors flapping a bit as he passed through them.  A beat, and the bar sprung back to life - music starting back up, conversations picking up where they'd been left off and Mal, Zoe and Kaylee getting up to go after Jayne before he decided to start more trouble with the rest of the town.

They found him walking petulantly back toward Serenity.  As they approached, he spoke his mind, "Jus' gonna stand there'n let'm fill me with holes next time there's a tussle?"  He was obviously upset about not getting any backup.

"Man had a gun, Jayne.  And you had all the time in the world t'stop pummelin' them folk."  Mal paused a second.  "What did they say to get you to punch them?"

"Weren't nuthin' they said t'me."  He replied.  "They's was near, look strong and was unarmed."

"That wasn't an order to go find someone to fight, Jayne.  Best not take everything I say as an order."  Mal was trying to be serious.

"That an order, Cap'n?"  Jayne shot back.

Kaylee and Zoe couldn't help but let out a little laugh.

"No, but this is: next time we're in a bar, don't think you can just... actually, just don't think."  Not that you do that, anyway.  His mind followed up.

The walk back to Serenity was slow and leisurely.  But when she was finally in view, nestled in the lowlands, their pace quickened.  They all realized they weren't exactly welcome anymore - not that they were ever really welcome in the first place, but even less so after some thieving and bruting.  Their cargo, small as it was, made them a target for any feds, who'd probably gotten waves sent with IDs on each crew member, full with picture.

The cargo-bay doors were open, they could see as they got closer, and things had an unsettled feeling to them.  Simply put, something was wrong.  Mal, taking point, pistol drawn, slowed the party down to a crawl, taking everything in.  Vantage points, places for an ambush, good spots for a sniper, anything that seemed it might be out of place.

But, the looking didn't last long.  A shot was fired, either by a person with horrible aim, or someone just looking to get everyone to stop moving.  It was hard to tell.  There were sounds, now.  Feet walking, voices murmuring, another gunshot - also misplaced.  But nothing could be seen.

Then, from the left side, a man emerged from behind a rock, clearly not following the milit'ry school of thought Zoe learned from, shouting and making noise.  A pistol was held in one of his hands and he had it leveled at Mal as he charged.

"Cap'n!"  Squealed a voice from behind him.  It was Kaylee's - her voice was frantic and she spoke with a tone that said, "Get your ass down, now!" but a bit more respectively... you know, since he's the Captain and all.

*****************************************************

Choice time.

Does:
A) Mal get shot?  Where?  What happens after?
B) One of the crew take the assailant down?
C) It's Wash!  It's only a silly trick.
D) More vicious villains appear and take the four of them hostage?
E) River drop out of a tree and kick the shit out of him?
F) SHIIIIIT!  REAVERS!!!
G)
H)
I) "Fruity Oaty Bars!"

Okay, okay... I'm done.  Seriously.

Description
It had been a good day in the life of the crew on Serenity.  They'd just finished a less than optional job presented to them from the psychotic low-life known to them as Badger - a simple smash and grab, but with more security than an Alliance hospital on Ariel or a personal floating island.  Of course, it was an Alliance-controlled building hiding personal profiles on all known criminals in the sector, so security was bound to be tighter than the anal sphincter of an aristocratic millionaire.  Figuratively speaking.

Serenity was docked in a safe locale a half a league out of town and, as was the custom, Wash, Simon and River stayed aboard while the rest of the crew did the "dirty work."  Book spent his time planetside preaching religiosity to the locals while Inara catered to a well-paying client.  It had been one of the more technical jobs, so Kaylee had to lend her mechanical and electrical skills to the team, and since there was little shooting, she didn't freeze up too often.

But all that was behind them.  The documents were secure, escape had been achieved with only minor scrapes and a few bruises - another rarity.  And now, in the sanctity of a friendly, out-of-the-way bar, Mal, Zoe, Jayne and Kaylee indulged themselves to the best of beverages that make you blind before returning to their favorable home-on-the-move.

"Some shiny thinkin', Jayne," complimented Malcolm to the resident gunslinger, "slippin' into that garbage bin as a hiding place."

"Can't say as I agree, Cap'n."  Zoe replied as she approached with a cup of alcohol in her hand.  Mal shot her a questioning stare.  "Be smellin' that goh se on him more'n a week."

Jayne looked dejectedly at Zoe, but mustered up a defensive reply.  "S'either that 'r bein' dead in a ditch.  Me smellin' bad, you can avoid as you want.  Once yer dead, 'ts'over."

Kaylee, who had been, up until now, calmly slouched in a chair, sipping her fermented liquid said, "Jus' needs a bath 's'all."  The other three looked to her; she was not on her first drink.

"And just where d'you s'pose we'll be findin' a bath 'round here, xiao meimei?"  Mal asked, somewhat taken aback at her seemingly easy approach.

Kaylee turned toward Mal, confusion on her face.  "We got sponges, don't we?"  It was asked as if it explained everything, but Mal returned the look of confusion.

"Not sure Jayne knows how t' work a sponge."  Muttered Zoe as she took her seat.

"What was that?"  Jayne's ears were a bit too keen at that moment.  He stood up, lookin' all manner of intimidating as he towered over her.

Mal, reacting quickly to the currently-drifting-out-of-control situation, rose as well, his arms held up in front of him, palms toward Jayne, "Woah, woah!  S'posed ta be celebratin' here."  He said as he gingerly tapped his chest - a very faint crinkling sound could be heard at that moment.  "Y'wanna fight, best look at someone else this bar.  No need t'be fightin' amongst ouselves."

Jayne reached down, angrily taking his empty cup in hand, and started walking to the bartender, "Sure thing, Cap."  His voice was heavy with sarcasm.

Mal raised his voice for Jayne to hear, "No need to be tetchy, neither!"  Lowering his voice so only those at the table could hear him, "Best get this over to Badger 'fore anyone else gets -"

It was the familiar shout of surprise that proceeds someone being punched world's over that had interrupted the Captain.  Mal turned to see a man laid out not far from Jayne's feet.  "He wasn't supposed to take that literally."  He said in a sigh.

"Not sure Jayne knows how not to."  Offered Zoe, not bothering to get up and help him as the brawl started to get more serious.

Luckily, the bartender was a sensible man.  He pulled up a shotgun from underneath the bar and pointed it at the pile of flailing arms and legs that was a fight.  Nothing happened.  The bartender cocked the shotgun.

The sound was audible enough to Jayne to warrant a look over his shoulder.  The barrel of a gun was enough to put some sense into him.  The bar grew suddenly quiet.  Music slowed to a halt, conversations hushed and the silence was deafening.  Jayne rose, arms up in surrender, as he backed away from the bruised pair on the floor, "Fight's over; can put that away, now."  He said to the man.

"Out."  Was all he replied.

Jayne slowly backed out of the bar, the doors flapping a bit as he passed through them.  A beat, and the bar sprung back to life - music starting back up, conversations picking up where they'd been left off and Mal, Zoe and Kaylee getting up to go after Jayne before he decided to start more trouble with the rest of the town.

They found him walking petulantly back toward Serenity.  As they approached, he spoke his mind, "Jus' gonna stand there'n let'm fill me with holes next time there's a tussle?"  He was obviously upset about not getting any backup.

"Man had a gun, Jayne.  And you had all the time in the world t'stop pummelin' them folk."  Mal paused a second.  "What did they say to get you to punch them?"

"Weren't nuthin' they said t'me."  He replied.  "They's was near, look strong and was unarmed."

"That wasn't an order to go find someone to fight, Jayne.  Best not take everything I say as an order."  Mal was trying to be serious.

"That an order, Cap'n?"  Jayne shot back.

Kaylee and Zoe couldn't help but let out a little laugh.

"No, but this is: next time we're in a bar, don't think you can just... actually, just don't think."  Not that you do that, anyway.  His mind followed up.

The walk back to Serenity was slow and leisurely.  But when she was finally in view, nestled in the lowlands, their pace quickened.  They all realized they weren't exactly welcome anymore - not that they were ever really welcome in the first place, but even less so after some thieving and bruting.  Their cargo, small as it was, made them a target for any feds, who'd probably gotten waves sent with IDs on each crew member, full with picture.

The cargo-bay doors were open, they could see as they got closer, and things had an unsettled feeling to them.  Simply put, something was wrong.  Mal, taking point, pistol drawn, slowed the party down to a crawl, taking everything in.  Vantage points, places for an ambush, good spots for a sniper, anything that seemed it might be out of place.

But, the looking didn't last long.  A shot was fired, either by a person with horrible aim, or someone just looking to get everyone to stop moving.  It was hard to tell.  There were sounds, now.  Feet walking, voices murmuring, another gunshot - also misplaced.  But nothing could be seen.

Then, from the left side, a man emerged from behind a rock, clearly not following the milit'ry school of thought Zoe learned from, shouting and making noise.  A pistol was held in one of his hands and he had it leveled at Mal as he charged.

"Cap'n!"  Squealed a voice from behind him.  It was Kaylee's - her voice was frantic and she spoke with a tone that said, "Get your ass down, now!" but a bit more respectively... you know, since he's the Captain and all.

*****************************************************

Choice time.

Does:
A) Mal get shot?  Where?  What happens after?
B) One of the crew take the assailant down?
C) It's Wash!  It's only a silly trick.
D) More vicious villains appear and take the four of them hostage?
E) River drop out of a tree and kick the shit out of him?
F) SHIIIIIT!  REAVERS!!!
G)
H)
I) "Fruity Oaty Bars!"

Okay, okay... I'm done.  Seriously.