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arliddian — Mourning Songs
Published: 2006-09-17 02:12:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 335; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 5
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Now, my beloved,let us weave our mourning song together:
rallying the quiet chords
and dimming the major melodies--
we are minor in our elegy.
Let us stroke this song out lovingly
and softly send the air
reverberating to your siblings:
now dumbfounded, silent, still.
They stand in muted atrophy,
sheathed, like we, in blackened grief.
No harmony hums forth
from behind broken teeth.
And as they cannot speak,
we, beloved, you and I,
together will be their voice.
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Comments: 21
how could they have!!!!
Instruments are soo expensive, speciallythose!!!
Lovely poem will fav!!!!
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Thank you for the fave. I'm glad you like the poem.
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I have to admit that I thought of you after I wrote this and wondered "Will Sarah like this?" XD
I also have to admit that I'm rather proud of how it turned out, so I'm so glad you do like it and picked up all the little rhymes! I didn't even see a few until after I'd written it, hehehe!
You're a lovelykins
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A-hee-hee-hee! Lovelykins!
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That's what you are! Teeheehee!
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That's severly messed up, who would want to damage such brilliant and beautiful instruments? Hope they get castrated.
That poem was very good, I liked reading it.
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Yeah, it is really sad. I'm sure whoever did it will be caught and dealt with!
Thanks - I'm glad you liked the poem
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I would sure hope so.
And you're welcome.
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They hurt the piano's-thats so sad
I 
Keep up the wonderfull work
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Oh my god. Who the hell would vandalise a piano?! I really find that offensive. Great, great poem you've got there. I like to think my piano and I have a close relationship too. Can't exactly put a gender to it, but hey. The beautiful things it can do transcend gender! There ya go.
Umm, I also vote you change the hyphen to a comma, it makes more sense grammatically and I reckon it'd look better too. Seems silly that the only constructive thing I have to say is about a tiny bit of punctuation, but ah well. Great job 
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I know. Urgh. It makes me feel sick.
Punctuation's been fixed, and 'brothers' changed to 'siblings' - more alliteration, yay!
Thanks for the critique - any little thing is helpful!
Yeah, I hope they're tracked down, too. Thankfully, nothing else has happened recently, and it's holidays soon - the pianos will be safe!
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You already know I like it! XD But yesh, it's a very sad sad business, piano destruction
You know, "softly send the air/reverberating to your brothers" reminds me of physics. >__> Nice alliteration in that stanza though, there's like a million words that start with s in there! XD
"we, beloved, you and I –
together will be their voice."
Those two lines, for some odd reason which I can't pinpoint, sound a bit awkward to me somehow. It doesn't feel like they join properly, but that could just be me
Anyway, that was just a minor thing, I really hope they find out who did it soon though! It's horrible being locked in/out of the music block ><
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Hee, yes I do!
What is up with you and kt relating everything back to our school subjects?? 
(Woah, didn't notice the alliteration there! Maybe I will change 'brothers' to 'sisters' or 'siblings' now. Heh.)
Don't they? It's probably the order of words. And that emdash. I think I'll change the dash to a comma.
Yeah, I agree. I'd rather not find out who, though, because I know I wouldn't be able to control my actions. And that would be very bad!
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OH! first comment XD;;;;
;_; I really hope they know who did it. And give them to Miss Fin. And then to us >_>;;
anyway, about the poem...
When you say 'we are minor in our elegy' the word minor starts to sound very... techical. Especially after you've just had major in the line above.
Also (ah this is the effect of Ms Gardiner...) how do you know the pianos are guys? I mean. I suppose piano is a male word in Italian but.... yeah! It's a girls' school! XD;;;;;;;
Ahahaha, 'The Rally'. I SENSE THOMAS HARDY HAS RUBBED OFF ON YOUUUUU~~~
or not. Rally is a pretty cool word anyway. ._.;;; anyway! I actually had critique today! HOW COOL AM I!?!?!? *slumps away* oh well XD;;;;; see you tomorrow!
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What do you mean by technical?
In terms of the pianos being guys...well, I think of my own piano as a guy. And, I don't know, I guess I like the sound of 'brothers' more than 'sisters'. I may change it to 'siblings' if I feel like it, but otherwise I like the sound of 'brothers' XD
Thomas Hardy did NOT rub off on me! I was intending 'rallying' to be more of a comparison to 'rall-ing'. You know, rallentando. It's a tiny, sneaky little parallel, though, haha.
Thanks for the critique, kt! See you tomorrow, bright and early
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by technical I mean.... it sounds like you're just stuffing music theory words in there (that was an exaggeration but you know. Anything to get my point across XD;;;; )
Oh now that is cool. The rallying/rall-ing thing.
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Ah, okay, I get you now. What I'm intending for that line is to get across the point that playing the piano in a mourning song for the other pianos isn't really a big or major gesture - it's a minor one. The reason I used minor instead of 'small' or some other synonym is because the word 'minor' sounds better rhythmically, and the comparison between 'major' and 'minor' is one that I like, even without the musical connotations. Make sense?
Heh, glad you think so
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oh righty-oh. I was thinking the whole minor key thing XD;;;;;;
woah communication breakdown.
*static* XD;;;; I'm lame. ._.;;;;
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Lol, nah, don't worry about it.
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