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arliddian β november words
Published: 2007-05-28 10:33:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 277; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 2
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Description
In air as thin and coldas βNovemberβ written
dry and bare in blotted ink,
spoken words splutter and sneeze:
collapse, shivering, curled at our feet.
Your smile beacons forth,
steady as the moon, settled
gently in warm November skies,
and my unasked questions gravitate
to bask in your springtime.
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Comments: 12
Strange to think of a hot November. 
Lovely poem.
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Hm, funny because here I find it unnatural to experience a cold one!
Thank you, and thank you for the watch.
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Funny how that works, isn't it?
And no problem!
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There's something very languid about this poem, I can't quite tell what it is, maybe something to do with the rhythm or phrasing, it's really nice whatever it is! It feels like an old memory, or a dream.
I love the last line of the first stanza.
I would suggest perhaps adding an "as" before "cold" in the first line to help it flow better; there should be a comma at the end of the first line of the second stanza.
Great poem!
N
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That was definitely the feel I was going for, so hooray for that!
I have to admit to being partial to the rhythm of the first line without the extra 'as', but you are right about the comma.
Thanks!
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i agree with N.
mm, November. the colder the better.
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As do I.
Yes, when it gets to November over here I often wish it were colder...
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November... cold? O.o Ah, if only... T_T
Agree with Negated, best two lines lulz.
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Yeah, I know...
Thanks!
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and my unasked questions
gravitate to bask in your springtime.
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and my unasked questions gravitate
to bask in your springtime.
π: 0 β©: 1
Oooh, much better. Shall change it now. Thank you!
Also, thank you for the fave.
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