ArroTheGreat In reply to opinionatedvamp [2006-11-17 04:12:38 +0000 UTC]
^^ Thanks for reading. I hope I'll find time to write the next chapter sometime soon, but I've got a lot to do, still... We'll see what happens.
^^ I'm glad you enjoyed.
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BadSquishy14 [2006-11-16 00:54:51 +0000 UTC]
Aww, no comments yet, but here you go.
YAY, I liked this one, it had a much lighter tone, well, the last one was grayish and light faded green, but this story is orangeish and yellow colored ^.^
I like what happened here, and it greatly reminded me of a story I once read, about a boy who controlled everybody around him. [link]
I assume you'll tell us later how Ari got sent there and such; the current introduction which omits that information is fine, if there's a reason you wish to keep that secret, like a flashback or whatever.
It is a short chapter, you can probably lengthen it by using more descriptions, if you feel like being a little boring--real books are like this, since they need to be longer
Or you could just give us more story, not exactly further, just explain more, have the guy explain their purpose and such.
I hope it is Sean, otherwise I'd feel bad. Then again, I wouldn't know where the story's going, since things wouldn't be so emo.
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