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Aryenne โ Race - Critiques Wanted
Published: 2009-03-30 05:01:32 +0000 UTC; Views: 827; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 56
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Description
A remake of Race the Flames . I cut the pencil pixels out and filled them with black. So, it's super contrasty!Anyways, critiques are needed! I have had a tough time with this horse, and I don't know why. I initially started this before all of my commissions. I like the bird an doubt it will get changed at all. The horse's chest is all wrong, but I can't tell how to fix it. I don't know that the back legs are right either. So, any anatomy tips would be greatly appreciated. Helpful photos would be greatly appreciated as well (no copyright issues, since I'm not copying any photos directly).
Also, I had intended to make the bird a phoenix, but I'm not sure I want to anymore. Any other suggestions for a fantasy bird? I kinda liked the idea of a rainbow-type bird or something, but what are your thoughts?
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Comments: 77
Thank you for this comment! I had already made some adjustments to the piece, but you've given me some good info! Now I'll adjust some more. I hope when I reupload it, you go over it again!
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You're most welcome! I'd be happy to. I request a note when you put it up though, I have quite the back-log for deviations and, well, we still have dial-up too.
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I have a huge back-log too, so I understand there! 
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It's not too bad. Encourages me to spend less time on the computer *laughs.*
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That is very true, but I've gotten addicted to Instant Watch that Netflix has, watching TV shows on it when nothing good is on TV while drawing. 
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Ha ha, you'd just have to find something more constructive to do while waiting for stuff to load *grin.*
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I remember in high school I used to bring a book and read while waiting.
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Consider this a place-holder for a thorough critique and redline to come if you still want one.
I do have a question: What type of background do you intend on doing or will you just be doing the characters?
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The background will be pretty simple. The original was a grass hill and a twilight sky (black fading into blue at the horizon). I will probably do something similar, but I might do an afternoon sky too. Suggestions?
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I think either would work, but you might want to consider what mood you want the image to have. Night (and twilight) tends to be more calm as it dominates with blue and other cool tones. When you say afternoon are you thinking sunset or just bright, clear sky?
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Yea, theres definitely something in the front legs/chest muscles that needs to be altered.
I like the phoenix idea! I think you should keep it
[link] here's an image that may help you some
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How funny! Someone else linked to that same photo. It is a good one, and has been added to my horse reference folder!
And thanks for the info. Lots of people still like the phoenix, so I might just stick with it!
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make the bird a fantasy colored heron or something, herons are cool and lend well to fantasy. maybe rotate that hind leg, the far one, so it's facing more foreward, you have it where it looks like it's completely to the side, but the rest of the horse is very much at a foreward angle., flatten the center of the chest, arch the shouler at a higher point. don't know if that makes any sense or helps at all but...eh.... nice piece though.
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I definitely think you're right on the back leg. It hasn't looked quite right to me either. I'll have to play with the chest and shoulder. I'll probably post the next stage of this sketch when I get further to see if people like the changes.
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Wow it looks fantastic!! I think the right hand looks strange, it should be a little lower in the body. Also his left feet should be in frontal view . Hope it helps
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That's a good point about his hind feet. I'm not totally happy there, but it wasn't failing completely like the chest and right leg!
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Iยดm glad I could help you
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Can't say on the horse but love the bird
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I am happy you do!
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I think the horse has been covered pretty well. Looking at the bird it looks like the left wing is a little shorted then the left. Maybe there more of a bend then I'm seeing?
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The left wing is supposed to be more cupped, similar to the right wing. I'm hoping it'll show up more once I start coloring and getting shadows in there!
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Well, that's a good sign then! Let's hope it looks right colored.
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Yeah, *pallanoph has it pretty much right. And right here is where your best bet for getting it right will be: [link] It's mainly arabians, but this is exactly what you're looking for aside from that sketch.
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Ooh, that photo is exactly what I'm looking for! If I had stumbled across that, I probably wouldn't have posted this.
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Hahaha, I thought it might help. I recently found this stocker and I've been hoping the dynamic poses will come in handy. 
You are very welcome, my lady.
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Ach! Just what I need. More photographers to watch . . .
But there are awesome photos in there! If she (is the user a she?) allows it, I might just draw some of them directly. More Equine Elegance or something.
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Bahahaha, you don't even have to watch, just check in occasionally [but i know what you mean, i watch over 100 deviants >.> ]
I know! Yes, I do believe it's a she, but yeah, amazing pictures. I think she does, but you could always just ask her for sure. Oh yeah, totally.
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I think I watch 200 or so. I had to clean mine out awhile back, cause I was watching more than 500! It was way to many.
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Yikess! Wow, Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I'm probably going to have to go through mine soon. I didn't check my deviantart for a week once, I had over 400 devaitions. o.o It was crazyyyy
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It's better than 4000. I've finally gotten mine under 2000! 
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True. Oh my gooodness.
Holy smokes! Good luck with that! When I had so many, I just selected ALL of them and deleted. cause I was wayyy to tired to try and get through all of them. xP
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I haven't even considered that. 
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Hahaha. Well, eventually, it might get to way to much to handle. I highly suggest parousing [sp?!] the deviations, picking out the ones you want a better look at, and then deleting the rest. XP
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I have actually been doing that as I do. I try to do a hundred or so when I actually go through them. Usually a couple times a week or something. I used to watch *Fantasy-Fellowship , but they would upload twenty or so things every day. And since most are photomanips, I finally removed them. I hardly liked anything they uploaded to their club.
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That's good then.
Yeah, it helps to do it when you've got time. Oh wow, that's crazy. A couple of stock people I watch upload many in a day, but I don't find it a problem. Oh, well, photomanips are a whole different story. xP Awe 
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I think *pallanoph has the right idea. They attacked the areas I would have hit were I to do a redline of my own
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She provided an awesome redline for me. I've already started tweaking the sketch and in two minutes, it looked tons better! Thank you, though!
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i love the bird, the movement looks very natural, however the front legs / chest on the horse looks a little stiff. but other than that it looks really good!
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Yeah, I wasn't happy at all with that chest, so I figured I ought to get some tips, rather than finishing a piece I would hate later! Thank you, though. It's been awhile since I've drawn a bird.
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no prob
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Thanks to some good tips, I'm just about there, I think!
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The only thing I'm bothered by is the right foreleg of the horse, it should be a bit further back on the shoulder a bit. I really like it though
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That's kind of what I was thinking, but my quick sketches didn't help much, so I figured I'd ask for help! I've had a few people give me great tips and image links, so I think I should be able to fix this. Thank you, though! I really appreciate your help.
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No problem, glad I could be of some help.
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I agree...That right front is bugging me. That is a tough 3/4 angle and it should be slightly foreshortened. From that angle, the muscle shouldn't be so pronounced since the bulk of it is on the outside of the horses leg. There should be some great refs from He has many photos of his equines in animated poses.
The back hinds are perfect!
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She didn't really have any at the right angle of the horse angling up. My biggest problem had been seeing the chest muscles from underneath, cause there aren't a lot of photos that show them. (I'm really good and picking poses where there's little or no reference to turn to. 
And thank you! You provided some great tips.
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Isn't that the irony! I always like the dynamic poses myself, but they are hardly an anatomical ref. I am totally in love with Picaro. 
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