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Breathe Part 4
* * *
"I wish." I say as turn to look at him. He doesn't look like Gar. He doesn't look like BB, he doesn't look like himself. He looks sad or maybe emotionless. He looks as if he's still in shock that I'm leaving.
"This is stupid! Why do WE have to leave! Why can't Robin go?" Anger and Sad say in synchronization.
"I don't know." Timid whispers.
"In realization, it would either be that Beast Boy had to go or us." Intelligence murmurs because she doesn't like what she has to say.
"Why does Robin get to stay with Starfire while we have to leave Gar?" Jealously shouts. I search for Happiness but I can't find her.
"I really don't want you to leave." He looks into my eyes so deep that it feels like he's inside my head. His emerald eyes look tired and I can see the pain he's trying to hide.  I feel his pain; his pain is my pain. And mine is his; a vicious cycle that's killing me inside.
"I'm going to miss you. More than you could ever know."  I struggle to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I say this.  He pulls me into an embrace and I burry my head into the crook of his neck.  His smell of pine and woods brings me back to all of the nights we would sneak out to our island. It would be months before I could do that again. I hear a knock on the door and I practically collapse into his arms.

* * *

"Can I come in?" Robin's voice comes through the door. Rae collapses into my arms and groans.
"Are you ok?" Robin asks again.
"Just peachy." She snarls through the door.  He's quiet for awhile. Rae stands up and grabs her suitcase and slides open the door so only her face is showing.
"Are you ready?" Robin asks. I'M not ready, that's for damn sure.
"Yeah."  She says. I morph into a fly and follow her out of our room. I wait until they turn the corner to morph back. I run and catch up to Raven and Robin.  Robin gives a dirty look and says,
"Where have YOU been? You do know Raven's leaving today right?"
"Ya, I know." I try to sound happy. I hope it's believable.  His eyes narrow but he doesn't say anything. Raven looks ahead and I can see her eyes well up. We reach the taxi and I help Rae put her stuff in the trunk. I hand her, her iPod and smile as best as I can. She smiles back.
"Forever and Always." I whisper so that only she can hear me.
"No matter what." She looks into my eyes and for a second.  I see that these next four months will be horrible but we will still be in love no matter what the distance forever and always.

* * *
I wave good bye as the taxi pulls away from the curb. I see them all start to walk away except Gar. We look at each other until I turn the corner. I turn on my iPod and put it on shuffle. I have a long 4 hour drive ahead of me. I try to just listen to the music but every song reminds me of Gar. I take out my head phones and just look out the window. It's dark, so I look at the clock on the dashboard. It is 3am. I'm supposed to check in at the Hive Academy at 8am tomorrow but I'll probably get there around 7. I decide to get some sleep.  I rest my head on the window and start to doze off.
I wake up and the sun is beginning to light the sky. It's 6am and I feel well rested for only having 3 hours of sleep. It's Saturday and I'm thankful that I still have today and Sunday before classes actually begin. I've been so focused on leaving Gar that I haven't really thought about the high school until now.  I mean my personality will be almost the same, I guess.  Well, I was always good in high school for academics at least. Popularity really wasn't my thing.
"You can say that again." All my emotions say.  Usually I might laugh at that but without Gar around nothing seems even remotely funny. I have about three suitcases of clothing stuffed into one suitcase and I'm wondering how I'm going to carry that around school without using my powers. I guess I should have thought of that.  I grab my iPod to try and listen to some music but it's too late. We just pulled into the parking lot of school.

* * *

I'm sitting on our island but it's not the same without her. I came out here to look at the sunset but it was already dark. She left about an hour ago and I'm hoping the pain I'm feeling will just go away. But I know it won't. Robin assumes that I'm glad she's gone but he has no idea. When we were walking back to the Tower, Cyborg asked me where I was going. I shrugged and just walked the other way. Now that I think about it, I probably was a little rude but I honestly can't help it. I hope he doesn't take it personally.
Our island was supposed to be a place I could "escape" to but this really isn't helping me. It's making me more depressed. I guess I'll just go home. As I'm flying I can see the lights on in the Tower. Maybe Cyborg and I can play some video games to get my mind off her. Urgh, I can't even think her name without feeling this pain in my chest. I walk in to the Tower and don't bother taking the elevator. I run up the numerous flights of stairs and jog into the living room. Cyborg's playing a video game by himself, Starfire is just sitting at the breakfast bar and Robin is nowhere to be seen. I plop down next to Cy and pick up the controller.
"Dude, I'm sorry." Cyborg starts but isn't sure how to finish.
"I know. And it's not your fault. It's no one's fault really." I say this half-hearted.  I blame Robin for splitting us up but Raven did make me realize that it really isn't his entire fault. She explained that the only two that could have done the mission was the two of us and Robin didn't know we were dating. If anything Robin would think that it would be good to split us up because we fight all the time.
"You miss her a lot don't you?" He says without looking at me.
"It's like she took a part of me when she left." I say this without thinking. He looks toward me now and looks like he wants to tell me something.
"I would like to say I know how you feel but I don't. I wish I could feel how you're feeling now."
"Thanks but you don't want to feel this way."
"Ya, but I wish I could love someone that loves me back so much that it would cause me this pain." When he says this it takes me back. CY has never really had a girlfriend, just flings. I mean he had that thing with Bumblebee but that didn't last long. He also had a high school girlfriend but that didn't last when he had his accident.  I think he had a crush on someone when he infiltrated the Hive Academy but he never told me who.
"Cy, who was the girl you had a crush when you went to the Hive Academy?" I ask. He looks caught off guard.
"It's kind of a long story." He looks nervous.
"You don't have to tell me." I really want to know but only to get my mind off of Raven. I cringe at her name even in my thoughts.
"I will tell you, but after Raven gets back. I want Raven's opinion of her." Did he really just say her name twice in a sentence? Damn my heart aches so bad I actually have to wrap my arms around myself.
"Are you okay?" Cy exclaims and he looks concerned.
"Ya, this just happens when you say her name." I try to sound casual but it's hard while it feels like you are repeatedly being stabbed in the chest.
"So if I say 'Raven' it hurts you?"
"No, if you say Starfire it hurts me." My sarcasm is rusty but he laughs anyways.
"But really just her name hurts you that badly?" He asks again. It wouldn't hurt so badly if he would stop asking me about it.
"It's only this bad… when I actually say…. her name…. out loud or if I talk about her too much…… If I just think about her….. It still hurts but not this bad." I'm taking big breaths to try to make the pain stop. I continue breathing and the pain slowly goes away.  He shakes his head but doesn't say anything because I guess there isn't much to say to that. It's already midnight. I get up and wave to Cy.
"Later, BB."
"Later." I jog down to Raven's room I slip inside and crawl into her bed. The smell of her is in bedded into her sheets. The pain is always there; but it is very dull when I'm surrounded by her things. It is going to be a long and horrible four months.
* * *
I walk down to admissions and see a long line. I take my place inline. All of my papers, applications and registration forms are in my bag that I have slung over my arm. The line is moving at a quick pace but I am still far from the front. I turn around to look to see how many people are behind me. And then I see her.
"Hi." Jinx says as she looks at me not in a rude way but not inviting either.
"What if she knows it's us!!!!"Paranoid is screaming.
"So what! We can take her!" Brave is shouting back.
"Our plan is ruined!" Sad is crying.
"Everyone just shut up!" I make sure that I only say it in my mind.
"Hey." I try to say nonchalantly.
"New?" She asks.
"Ya." I say but she looks extremely annoyed that I answered. She looks around as if she wished I'd leave her alone. I turn around and move to the first open counter. She takes my papers and gives me my room key and number. Room #245.  I grab my suitcase and wave good-bye to Jinx. Hopefully I won't run into her anymore.
* * *
Why is this girl looking at me? Has she heard the rumors? She probably thinks I'm a slut… bitch. Shit. She caught me staring. I should probably say something.
"Hi." I try to sound bored but it comes out more annoyed. She looks like a deer caught in the head lights.  I bet she feels like she's the one getting caught for staring.
"Hey." She says calmly. She has heard the stories then, if she's new then these rumors are spreading faster than I thought.
"New?" I ask.
"Ya." She mumbles. Fuck. She's new and she's heard all the rumors on the first damn day. Great. I shouldn't be surprised that bad luck is coming my way, karma I guess.

* * *
I wake up to the alarm sounding. Jesus could I just sit this one out! I've only been asleep for two hours. And I really don't want to leave her room. I guess I could use some crime fighting to get my mind off her cuz that would be really nice.  I get out of bed and put my gloves and shoes on. I jog to the living room and notice I'm the last one to get there.
"Titans Go!" Robin shouts.
Why does he have to shout that now? The bad guys aren't even here. According to the GPS they are in town square so I don't know why he has to get all amped up.  We run past the garage so I'm guessing we aren't taking the T-car and are flying. Starfire carries Cyborg, and Robin uses his glider. Sometimes Raven would carry me on her force field but most of the time I would fly so Rob wouldn't get suspicious.  I miss her. We quickly get to the town square and see that Control Freak is taking over Best Buy and Blockbuster. Raven hated this guy. She would love to be here and kick his ass. I don't do much in the fight because I'm so used to teaming up with Raven. We aren't even here for fifteen minutes before we have him in cuffs. I walk down the Romance Isle of Blockbuster; I grab the Notebook and bring it to the counter. The lady looks at me strange because she knows that romance isn't my forte. I pay and leave. I meet up with the rest of the titans at the pizza place. I don't know why we are eating at 3am but I don't argue. I sit down and order a chocolate shake. Raven used to love those. Starfire is looking at the Blockbuster bag.
"What movie did you rent, Beast Boy?" I wonder whether or not I should answer. I decide to answer but still debating whether to lie or not. I decide to just tell her.
"The Notebook." Everyone stops what they are doing and stares at me. I think even the waitress seems bewildered by my choice. Robin is the first to say something.
"A spoof of the Notebook, I'm guessing." He partly smiles like he figured it out.
"No." I really don't feel like explaining because I barely know why I picked it myself.
"Oh."  Our food comes so everyone moves to a different topic. Cy shakes his head at me. I shrug.
* * *
Room 241….243…..here it is, 245. I struggle to get out my key and open the door with all the stuff in my hands. I push open the door and walk in. I stumble to one of the two beds and dump my stuff on the bed closest to the window. I sit down and take a drink from my bottle of water. It's 10am. I start to hang my stuff neatly into one of the closets. I need something to take my mind off him. About a half an hour later I finish unpacking my clothes and put my suitcase under the bed. I take out my dark purple sheets and make my bed. By the time I'm finished I hear the door jiggle. I guess that's my roommate. I walk over and open the door. There are a lot of boxes in her arms and they cover her face. I take a couple of them and set them down on the ground next to her bed. I look up to see Jinx. She looks surprised to see me.
"Oh, hey again." I say kind of stunned.
"Hi. I didn't think I'd be seeing you around for a while." She talking but it's more to herself than me.
"Yea me either." I try to sound happy.
"My name is Jinx but I guess you already know that." She sneers.
"I'm Spark." I think.
"Well, sorry you're stuck living with me. I know it must suck living with some Goth girl but you'll come to deal." She flops on her bed and lies there. I have no idea what to say but it sounds like Jinx isn't very popular at the Hive Academy.
* * *
Well, I'm lying on my bed looking through all these pictures and feel like an idiot for watching that damn Notebook.  It's been about a week since I got that movie and I just watched it tonight but I really wish I hadn't. I feel really depressed. I've been trying to make myself busy so I won't think about her but it doesn't work very well. I'm exhausted but I don't want to sleep. When I sleep I dream, and I dream of her. Every time I wake up it's as if she's leaving all over again. I don't even know what day it is. I think it's Thursday but it might be Sunday. I don't know and I don't care.  I get up quietly and briskly but quietly jog down to Rae's room. I slip through the door and lie on her bed. It's easier to sleep when I'm surrounded by her things. Her room is very calming and it makes me sleepy. I light some incense and a candle because that's what she would always do. I crawl into her bed and it almost feels like she's here with me. My breaths are less shallow now and it feels great to be not-sad. I'm not happy but I'm not suicidal right now either.
* * *
It's been two weeks with the new roommate, Spark. And she seems okay but I don't trust anyone anymore. Not since those rumors started, all because I'm different. But Spark seems different too. She doesn't fit in to well. That's something we have in common. I can't even have a normal conversation with someone the same gender as me.  So just because I get along better with guys I'm a Goth slut.  But Spark hasn't called me that but most of the gossip is "behind" my back.  She just went to do her laundry and she offered to do mine. She probably was going to die it all pink or something. But I guess I shouldn't be so pessimistic maybe she was just trying to be nice. There's a knock on the door. I pull myself off the bed and open the door. It's Spark with a basket of clothes and smoothies.
* * *
Jinx opens the door for me. I put the basket on my bed and hand her one of the smoothies.  She takes it and just stares at it.
"I didn't poison it." I say both jokingly and seriously.  She looks at me for awhile.
"No laxatives either." I say seriously. She continues to stare at me but she finally takes a sip.
"Thanks." She says and she sits on her bed. I've heard the rumors about her and she really only has SeeMore, Mammoth and Gizmo as her friends. I also noticed they are all guys. She's kind of like me. I mean I'm not really close to Starfire and I always hated Terra. I've never had a best friend that was a girl. Cyborg is the closest thing I have to a best friend, not counting Gar obviously. For the past three weeks I've been very isolated. Jinx barely talks to me, and all the girls here fear me ever since that one combat practice.
"You did well last week." Jinx says in between sips. It's as if she read my mind, just like a Gar does.
"Combat practice?" I ask. She nods.
"Thanks." I say.
"I didn't know the Advanced Course could be completed in less than 3 minutes, let alone by a new recruit." She smiles and I think this means we're friends.
"Ya, I've had some prior experience." I laugh nervously.
"Really? Cuz I think everyone's terrified of you." Jinx seems interested.
"Ya, well, I've had my fair share of run ins with the Teen Titans if you count that as experience." If you count living with them.
"Me too." She seems sad. "You can't tell anyone this but I've always wanted to be one of them."  Jinx looks down.
"Really?" I'm shocked; It always seemed like she hated us.
"Well, not a hero, but to have such close friends."
"Aren't you close to SeeMore and them?"
"They're guys. They don't wanna hear about my problems with gossip or my cramps. Or to hear which guys I think are cute. But the Teen Titans they have each other. I mean Beast Boy's best friends with Cyborg, Robin's dating Starfire. I just wanna have close friendships that will last forever." She shrugs. I notice how she doesn't say my name but I let it go.
"I get that. I've never had a best friend that was a girl. I just got a male best friend, I mean I've had friends but never close." She thinks that the Teen Titans are "bestest" friends and though we are all great and really close friends, we don't know a lot about each other. I mean we know the everyday stuff. But the only deep things we know about each other haven't been because we told each other but only when our dark secrets come busting through the door.  I don't know if Jinx and I could be friends, but maybe Spark and Jinx could.
"Yea, but back to the whole hero thing, sometimes I wish I was a hero." She says.
"Why?"
"Well, my ex-boyfriend was a hero and he was always trying to make me become a hero. And I really like liked him."
"Who was your ex-boyfriend?"
"Kid Flash." I knew they were dating!
"Ex?" I ask.
"He broke up with me because I wouldn't convert to a hero. But now this new guy I like he's a hero too! And I like him way more than I ever liked Kid Flash and he likes me that way too! It feels for real this time."
"Love is….unexplainable." I almost choke as I bite back tears.
"Why isn't he here?" She knows that I have a he but doesn't know who he is.
"He couldn't come to this academy but he wanted me to go. He lives too far away to visit regularly."
"Did you guys break up?"
"No. But long distance is hard." She nods as she comes over to my bed.
"Want help folding your laundry?" I nod and smile.
* * *
Cyborg is acting hella weird. He keeps pacing around and looking at his arm, I'm guessing he's checking the time.
"You got somewhere to be?" I ask.
"Yea."
"You gonna tell me where?"
"The plaza."
"For what?"
"I need to meet someone."
"Who?"
"None of your business." He always tells me what he's doing. But I guess he's not gonna let me tag along.
"Instead of pacing around here, why don't you just go early?" He stops and realizes this is a good idea. He waves as he jogs down to the garage. I hear the garage door open and see the T-Car hover over the waves and drive off. It's Saturday. Raven's been gone for 3 ½ weeks almost a month.  I think about her a lot. I wonder what would make her laugh. I get an idea. I rush down stairs to go to the supermarket.
* * *
I run down the hallway with tears streaming down my face. I practically run past Room 245. I slam my key into the lock and turn as hard as I can.  I stumble in and flop on my bed. My stupid pink hair is falling in my face and my mascara and eyeliner are running. I can't believe this. How could he? I don't understand!
Spark walks through the door and stops dead in her tracks. Probably at the horrific sight of me balling my fucking eyes out.  She mutters something but I can't hear her over my sobs. She backs out of the dorm and I hear the door shut. Great on top of everything else I lose my only girl friend. I sob harder. I don't hear Spark come back it but she has about four bag plastic bags from the grocery store that are stuffed. She empties the bags on to my bed. My sobs quiet but I can't stop hyperventilating. I look at the pile of chocolate on my bed. Everything and anything chocolate is on my bed; chocolate cookies, chocolate icing, chocolate milk, chocolate chips, Hershey's kisses, Hershey bars, Twix Bars, chocolate ice cream, chocolate syrup, chocolate truffles, Jesus this couldn't be any better.
* * *
We're sitting on her bed eating about 100lbs of chocolate, laughing, gossiping and complaining. It's a lot of fun. I haven't this much fun since I was last with Gar.
"It's not my fault I'm a villain!" Jinx says with a mouth full of chocolate icing, "I mean come on! My powers are bad luck! It's not exactly like I had a choice! I mean my parents were villains, and they raised me to be a villain. I didn't know that hero was a choice!"
"So he basically dumped you before you guys were serious, only because you're a villain."
"Yea! It's like WTF!!!!!! He never had a problem with it before! I mean we had been dating for about six weeks but when someone asked if he was my boyfriend he got all freaked out and I didn't even have a chance to answer. Then our next date he breaks up with me!"
"That's really messed up."
"What's more messed up is that I still would take him back."  I don't know who he is yet but I am confident that she will tell me in time. We have become best friends in a matter of a week.  It's fun to have a close friend but it only dulls the constant pain I feel. I miss Gar so much that I've gotten used to feeling like I'm going to burst into to tears at any given moment.  I rarely do in public. But right now I need to be alone. I need to just let go of the tears, if I don't I'll explode.
"Jinx, are you okay to be alone for awhile? I really would like to just take a bubble bath and relax." I'm choking trying not to cry.
"I'm not alone I have about 100lbs of chocolate to keep me company." She laughs. I smile and grab my towel, iPod and speakers.  I go into our bathroom and run the bath water. I plug in my speakers and iPod and blast Taylor Swift. I immediately burst into tears hoping that the combined noise of the running water and my music will cover up my wails. I slip into the tub and pour as many bubbles as I can into the water. Hot tears run down my cheeks as I think of him. It's been about a month and I can't believe I survived this long. I can only hope I will last the next three months.
* * *
I just finished packing the box when Cyborg storms in.
"I screwed up! I really screwed up!" He's pacing back and forth.
"Dude, what happened?"
"Ok, so the person I was meeting was this girl I've been dating. And I really liked her, like really, really liked her. And I wanted to get more serious with her and I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend and I know it sounds cheesy but I just wanted to make things official. But then I started comparing our relationship to yours and Rae's and I got nervous! And I ended up breaking up with her!!!!!!" He has or had a girlfriend? Together but now broken up…because of my relationship?
"Wait, so how did you go from basically proposing in the I wanna be your boyfriend way to dumping her?" I'm soooooo confused.
"Well, like, I was thinking that Jinx and I aren't as close as you and Rae are, like we can't read each other's mind or anything like that but we had a connection…"
"Wait wait wait. JINX?"
"Oh. Yea. Jinx."  So he has a secret girlfriend now ex-girlfriend that's a villain and he didn't tell me.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I kinda thought you'd be weirded out that she's a villain."
"And I thought that you would be weirded out that I was dating someone that supposedly hated me."
"But you didn't exactly tell me either, I found out." He has a point but still.
"Well how are you gonna fix this?"  I ask.
"I don't know."  He shrugs as do I.
* * *
Spark has been in the bathtub for at least an hour. She thinks I can hear her sobbing over the music but I can. She told me about her boyfriend and how they are really close. I don't know his name but I don't ask; it's not like she knows I'm dating Cyborg or was dating.  It's kind of weird that Spark and I bonded so quickly. It's not like we had years to form a best friend relationship but it seems as if it's that strong. I know she misses her boyfriend a lot and I know they are extremely beyond close. I hear a knock at the door. I walk over and look through the peephole. It's a delivery man with a big box. I open the door and look at him.
"Is there a Spark here? I need a signature." He says.
"Yea, she's in the bathroom but I'll sign for her." I reply. He looks nervous.
"I need Miss Spark's signature." He says again.
"Look, Buddy, She's having a breakdown in the bathtub so unless you want to interrupt a crying teen aged villain who is easily angered then by all means go knock." He can hear the sobbing.
"I guess it would be ok this time if you signed for it." He hands me the clipboard. I sign it and hand it back to him.
"Thanks." I say and I go to grab the box.
"No, no it's very heavy let me carry it in." He says. Great, another guy who thinks girls are weak.
"I can get it." I snap. He shrugs as I walk over and pick up the box. He was right it is extremely heavy; what the hell is in here? Maybe I should have let him carry it but it's too late now. I smile and shut the door with my foot. I wobble over to her bed and practically drop it on her bed. I walk over to the bathroom panting. She stopped crying so I don't feel so bad knocking.
"Hey, you got a package." I say through the door.  There's silence and she says,
"A package?"
"Yep."
"I'll be out in one second." I hear her turn off the iPod. I go and sit on my bed and flip through a People magazine. She's comes on it sweats a tank after a couple of minutes.
"Wow. You weren't kidding." She looks really surprised that there really is a package on her bed; as if I just made it up.

* * *
There really is a package for me. I wonder what the hell it is. I walk over to it and look at the top of the box; no return address.  I grab a pair of scissors and cut the tape and open the flaps. There is an envelope on top. I pick up the envelope but I still can't see what's in the box because there's all this tissue paper.  I open the envelope and pull out the letter; it reads:
Hey love,
I can't say much in this letter for obvious reasons but I just wanted you to know that I miss you and that I love you no matter what. Forever and Always,
Gerald A. Ronald
P.S. When you find it, it's from our island.
G A R….Gar. I laugh at the hidden name.  He made me laugh; something I hadn't really done since the last I saw him. I reread the words over and over and over. I wonder what P.S. means.  I realize that I forgot about both Jinx and the package. I put the letter on the bed and say,
"Let's see want he sent me." Jinx gets off her bed and walks over. I pull off all the tissue paper and see six boxes of Pop Tarts. Each box has a word on it and it says, I'll Love You Forever And Always. It's so cheesy it's sweet. I pull out the pop tarts and set them on the bed. Under them are two big candles; one smells like lavender and the other smells like roses. I place the two candles on my nightstand and go back to the box. There's a smooth, white stone and I'm guessing this is what's from our island. I hold the rock in my hand and smile. Jinx starts laughing.
"What?" I say as I roll my eyes.
"It's just that I've never seen you this happy, EVER." She looks at me and shakes her head. She continues to tease me,
"If I had known you could be this happy I would have sent you a package myself." I shake my head and look into the box again and see a vintage Led Zeppelin t-shirt. I pick up the t-shirt and put it on over my tank top. As I'm pulling my head through I remember this t-shirt, it's the t-shirt that Gar wore the day of the food fight. It smells like Gar; that musky woodsy pine smell.
This was just what I needed.
Maybe this is something Gar needs too.  I decide that I will make and send him a package but the hard part is figuring out how I'm going to do it without getting caught.
* * *
I'm sitting on the roof of the tower. I just found out that there is no super bad ass class project crap going on at the Hive Academy. Robin made it all up to convince Raven to spy on them. He really just wanted to see their combat training in order for us to easily beat them knowing all their plays ahead of time. I haven't seen Raven for two months now and it's driving me fucking insane. And I haven't been able to send anymore packages because I don't want anyone getting suspicious and tracking them. I've only sent one and that was a month ago. But I wish she could just come back, it's been two months and I don't understand why she needs to stay two MORE months. Besides when Raven does come back from there, they are gonna know there was a spy and they'll change all of their plays and strategies so it will be a waste! As I'm thinking this someone covers my eyes with their hands. Is she back?! Oh my god, she is! Who else would it be? I grab Raven's hands and turn around,
"You're back!" I say but then I realize it's not Raven; it's Her.
"I missed you so much!" Terra says as she hugs me. As a knee jerk reaction I shove her so hard she falls.
"You." I sneer as I approach her. She scrambles up and puts her hands out in front of her.
"Beast Boy! I know you're mad and that you hate me but please just give me a chance!" She's pleading. I really, really want to kill her but I want to hear what pathetic excuse she has.
"A chance for what? To try and kill us all again? I'm sorry but I'm that stupid." I don't plan on doing anything, yet anyways.
"No. Please I'm so sorry. I was scared and alone. Slade forced me."
"That's a lie. One, you weren't alone when you buddied up with Slade; you were alone after that and even then you weren't alone because you had Slade. And two, he didn't force you to do anything. YOU tried to kill me three times, four if you include dumping me at the carnival. So why shouldn't I at least get one shot at killing you?"
"But Beast Boy, I love you."
"You don't know what love is. Besides, you can't love someone if they don't love you back." There are now tears running down her face, yes this was a great idea; torture her first then kill her.
"I just want a second chance, PLEASE."
"Can I have 'Horror scenes ending in blood splatter' for 500, yes that would be 'What happens to lying bitches?'" Raven would have laughed at that. I find myself chuckling out loud which makes it even creepier. I seriously think I'm going insane.
"Please, Robin said he would give me another chance as long as it was alright with you." What.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say." My teeth are clenched. She fidgets.
"Robin said that as long as you were ok with it that I could stay temporarily until you guys made the final decision."
"Final decision?"
"Whether I could become a Titan again."
"How the hell did you get out of being a statue?" She looks confused by my rapid change of subjects.
"Oh, I could always think, hear and see but I just couldn't move. I've been working for the past two years on bending the rock with my mind just enough around my hands so I could use my hands to get the rest of my body out." I'm barely paying attention as I walk past her and down the stairs and on to the elevator to the living room. Of course she follows me. Robin and I need to have a serious talk.
* * *
It's been a month and I've finally figured out a way to mail the package. It's so simple it's genius. I take the package and then mail it in a different city to the Tower.  It's so obvious.  I have the box packed with pita chips, Wuthering Heights, and a video of me in my disguise. Today I'm driving north about 50 miles maybe more depending on how I feel and then mailing it. Jinx is meeting her mystery ex-boyfriend today so I don't have to create a cover story.  I grab my purse, the box and the rental car keys. I walk down the black and yellow hallways and out to my black Ferrari rental. I place the box in the passenger seat and throw the car into drive. I peal out of the parking lot and floor it down the highway. I turn on the radio and am happy that I can finally listen to music without feeling pain. Mailing him this package is almost like I'm seeing him. I only wish I could see his face when he opens it. It's been about forty-five minutes when I see the first major city. I pull off the highway and into a shopping center. I get a nice parking space right in front of the post office. I kill the engine and walk inside with my box. I set the box on the counter. The postman smiles at me and looks at the box.
"Need some stamps?" He laughs.
"Only one or two, but I do need an address sticker."
"Here's one. You can fill it out while I weigh this."  I grab a pen and finish filling out the address label just as he comes back with my box. I place the sticker on the top.
"You're total's going to be $15.47." I pull out my wallet and pay. I smile and walk out. As I'm walking to my car I see a nail salon out of the corner of my eye.  I decide to refresh my black nail polish.
* * *
I see Cyborg fidgeting in his chair at the restaurant. I walk in and sit down across from him. All of the feelings of pain comeback from the last time I saw him. He looks at me and just shakes his head.
"I am so sorry. I never meant to break-up with you. I was actually going to ask you to be my girlfriend but I got nervous and I just fucked up." He was apologizing? He wanted to get back together?
"So you don't hate me?"
"What?! No! I love you." He said it. The L-word. He loves me. LOVES me.
"I love you too." The rest of the lunch was a blur. I just kept hearing those words over and over again. Before we parted, he kissed me. I walked to my car and got in. I was still shocked as I drove home. Everything was a blur and I was amazed it was 3pm when I walked into our dorm.
"HE SAID HE LOVED ME!!!!!!" I scream. But no one's here.  I flop on my bed and decide to take a shower. I grab my towel and run the water. I shampoo and condition my hair. I step out and throw on some jeans and a tee shirt. I quickly blow dry my hair and decide to watch some TV. I go over to Spark's nightstand a grab the remote but I knock over her make-up bag. Everything spills onto the floor. I bend down a pick up the multiple eyeliners, mascaras and other make-up when I see her birth control roll under the bed. I go to grab it and I push it farther away. I get on my hands and knees and finally grasp it. I pull it out but something's not right.  It can't be. I mean no it's not possible right? She's my friend. She's my best friend. Spark is my best friend. But Spark isn't real. Raven is.

Description
Breathe Part 4
* * *
"I wish." I say as turn to look at him. He doesn't look like Gar. He doesn't look like BB, he doesn't look like himself. He looks sad or maybe emotionless. He looks as if he's still in shock that I'm leaving.
"This is stupid! Why do WE have to leave! Why can't Robin go?" Anger and Sad say in synchronization.
"I don't know." Timid whispers.
"In realization, it would either be that Beast Boy had to go or us." Intelligence murmurs because she doesn't like what she has to say.
"Why does Robin get to stay with Starfire while we have to leave Gar?" Jealously shouts. I search for Happiness but I can't find her.
"I really don't want you to leave." He looks into my eyes so deep that it feels like he's inside my head. His emerald eyes look tired and I can see the pain he's trying to hide.  I feel his pain; his pain is my pain. And mine is his; a vicious cycle that's killing me inside.
"I'm going to miss you. More than you could ever know."  I struggle to keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I say this.  He pulls me into an embrace and I burry my head into the crook of his neck.  His smell of pine and woods brings me back to all of the nights we would sneak out to our island. It would be months before I could do that again. I hear a knock on the door and I practically collapse into his arms.

* * *

"Can I come in?" Robin's voice comes through the door. Rae collapses into my arms and groans.
"Are you ok?" Robin asks again.
"Just peachy." She snarls through the door.  He's quiet for awhile. Rae stands up and grabs her suitcase and slides open the door so only her face is showing.
"Are you ready?" Robin asks. I'M not ready, that's for damn sure.
"Yeah."  She says. I morph into a fly and follow her out of our room. I wait until they turn the corner to morph back. I run and catch up to Raven and Robin.  Robin gives a dirty look and says,
"Where have YOU been? You do know Raven's leaving today right?"
"Ya, I know." I try to sound happy. I hope it's believable.  His eyes narrow but he doesn't say anything. Raven looks ahead and I can see her eyes well up. We reach the taxi and I help Rae put her stuff in the trunk. I hand her, her iPod and smile as best as I can. She smiles back.
"Forever and Always." I whisper so that only she can hear me.
"No matter what." She looks into my eyes and for a second.  I see that these next four months will be horrible but we will still be in love no matter what the distance forever and always.

* * *
I wave good bye as the taxi pulls away from the curb. I see them all start to walk away except Gar. We look at each other until I turn the corner. I turn on my iPod and put it on shuffle. I have a long 4 hour drive ahead of me. I try to just listen to the music but every song reminds me of Gar. I take out my head phones and just look out the window. It's dark, so I look at the clock on the dashboard. It is 3am. I'm supposed to check in at the Hive Academy at 8am tomorrow but I'll probably get there around 7. I decide to get some sleep.  I rest my head on the window and start to doze off.
I wake up and the sun is beginning to light the sky. It's 6am and I feel well rested for only having 3 hours of sleep. It's Saturday and I'm thankful that I still have today and Sunday before classes actually begin. I've been so focused on leaving Gar that I haven't really thought about the high school until now.  I mean my personality will be almost the same, I guess.  Well, I was always good in high school for academics at least. Popularity really wasn't my thing.
"You can say that again." All my emotions say.  Usually I might laugh at that but without Gar around nothing seems even remotely funny. I have about three suitcases of clothing stuffed into one suitcase and I'm wondering how I'm going to carry that around school without using my powers. I guess I should have thought of that.  I grab my iPod to try and listen to some music but it's too late. We just pulled into the parking lot of school.

* * *

I'm sitting on our island but it's not the same without her. I came out here to look at the sunset but it was already dark. She left about an hour ago and I'm hoping the pain I'm feeling will just go away. But I know it won't. Robin assumes that I'm glad she's gone but he has no idea. When we were walking back to the Tower, Cyborg asked me where I was going. I shrugged and just walked the other way. Now that I think about it, I probably was a little rude but I honestly can't help it. I hope he doesn't take it personally.
Our island was supposed to be a place I could "escape" to but this really isn't helping me. It's making me more depressed. I guess I'll just go home. As I'm flying I can see the lights on in the Tower. Maybe Cyborg and I can play some video games to get my mind off her. Urgh, I can't even think her name without feeling this pain in my chest. I walk in to the Tower and don't bother taking the elevator. I run up the numerous flights of stairs and jog into the living room. Cyborg's playing a video game by himself, Starfire is just sitting at the breakfast bar and Robin is nowhere to be seen. I plop down next to Cy and pick up the controller.
"Dude, I'm sorry." Cyborg starts but isn't sure how to finish.
"I know. And it's not your fault. It's no one's fault really." I say this half-hearted.  I blame Robin for splitting us up but Raven did make me realize that it really isn't his entire fault. She explained that the only two that could have done the mission was the two of us and Robin didn't know we were dating. If anything Robin would think that it would be good to split us up because we fight all the time.
"You miss her a lot don't you?" He says without looking at me.
"It's like she took a part of me when she left." I say this without thinking. He looks toward me now and looks like he wants to tell me something.
"I would like to say I know how you feel but I don't. I wish I could feel how you're feeling now."
"Thanks but you don't want to feel this way."
"Ya, but I wish I could love someone that loves me back so much that it would cause me this pain." When he says this it takes me back. CY has never really had a girlfriend, just flings. I mean he had that thing with Bumblebee but that didn't last long. He also had a high school girlfriend but that didn't last when he had his accident.  I think he had a crush on someone when he infiltrated the Hive Academy but he never told me who.
"Cy, who was the girl you had a crush when you went to the Hive Academy?" I ask. He looks caught off guard.
"It's kind of a long story." He looks nervous.
"You don't have to tell me." I really want to know but only to get my mind off of Raven. I cringe at her name even in my thoughts.
"I will tell you, but after Raven gets back. I want Raven's opinion of her." Did he really just say her name twice in a sentence? Damn my heart aches so bad I actually have to wrap my arms around myself.
"Are you okay?" Cy exclaims and he looks concerned.
"Ya, this just happens when you say her name." I try to sound casual but it's hard while it feels like you are repeatedly being stabbed in the chest.
"So if I say 'Raven' it hurts you?"
"No, if you say Starfire it hurts me." My sarcasm is rusty but he laughs anyways.
"But really just her name hurts you that badly?" He asks again. It wouldn't hurt so badly if he would stop asking me about it.
"It's only this bad… when I actually say…. her name…. out loud or if I talk about her too much…… If I just think about her….. It still hurts but not this bad." I'm taking big breaths to try to make the pain stop. I continue breathing and the pain slowly goes away.  He shakes his head but doesn't say anything because I guess there isn't much to say to that. It's already midnight. I get up and wave to Cy.
"Later, BB."
"Later." I jog down to Raven's room I slip inside and crawl into her bed. The smell of her is in bedded into her sheets. The pain is always there; but it is very dull when I'm surrounded by her things. It is going to be a long and horrible four months.
* * *
I walk down to admissions and see a long line. I take my place inline. All of my papers, applications and registration forms are in my bag that I have slung over my arm. The line is moving at a quick pace but I am still far from the front. I turn around to look to see how many people are behind me. And then I see her.
"Hi." Jinx says as she looks at me not in a rude way but not inviting either.
"What if she knows it's us!!!!"Paranoid is screaming.
"So what! We can take her!" Brave is shouting back.
"Our plan is ruined!" Sad is crying.
"Everyone just shut up!" I make sure that I only say it in my mind.
"Hey." I try to say nonchalantly.
"New?" She asks.
"Ya." I say but she looks extremely annoyed that I answered. She looks around as if she wished I'd leave her alone. I turn around and move to the first open counter. She takes my papers and gives me my room key and number. Room #245.  I grab my suitcase and wave good-bye to Jinx. Hopefully I won't run into her anymore.
* * *
Why is this girl looking at me? Has she heard the rumors? She probably thinks I'm a slut… bitch. Shit. She caught me staring. I should probably say something.
"Hi." I try to sound bored but it comes out more annoyed. She looks like a deer caught in the head lights.  I bet she feels like she's the one getting caught for staring.
"Hey." She says calmly. She has heard the stories then, if she's new then these rumors are spreading faster than I thought.
"New?" I ask.
"Ya." She mumbles. Fuck. She's new and she's heard all the rumors on the first damn day. Great. I shouldn't be surprised that bad luck is coming my way, karma I guess.

* * *
I wake up to the alarm sounding. Jesus could I just sit this one out! I've only been asleep for two hours. And I really don't want to leave her room. I guess I could use some crime fighting to get my mind off her cuz that would be really nice.  I get out of bed and put my gloves and shoes on. I jog to the living room and notice I'm the last one to get there.
"Titans Go!" Robin shouts.
Why does he have to shout that now? The bad guys aren't even here. According to the GPS they are in town square so I don't know why he has to get all amped up.  We run past the garage so I'm guessing we aren't taking the T-car and are flying. Starfire carries Cyborg, and Robin uses his glider. Sometimes Raven would carry me on her force field but most of the time I would fly so Rob wouldn't get suspicious.  I miss her. We quickly get to the town square and see that Control Freak is taking over Best Buy and Blockbuster. Raven hated this guy. She would love to be here and kick his ass. I don't do much in the fight because I'm so used to teaming up with Raven. We aren't even here for fifteen minutes before we have him in cuffs. I walk down the Romance Isle of Blockbuster; I grab the Notebook and bring it to the counter. The lady looks at me strange because she knows that romance isn't my forte. I pay and leave. I meet up with the rest of the titans at the pizza place. I don't know why we are eating at 3am but I don't argue. I sit down and order a chocolate shake. Raven used to love those. Starfire is looking at the Blockbuster bag.
"What movie did you rent, Beast Boy?" I wonder whether or not I should answer. I decide to answer but still debating whether to lie or not. I decide to just tell her.
"The Notebook." Everyone stops what they are doing and stares at me. I think even the waitress seems bewildered by my choice. Robin is the first to say something.
"A spoof of the Notebook, I'm guessing." He partly smiles like he figured it out.
"No." I really don't feel like explaining because I barely know why I picked it myself.
"Oh."  Our food comes so everyone moves to a different topic. Cy shakes his head at me. I shrug.
* * *
Room 241….243…..here it is, 245. I struggle to get out my key and open the door with all the stuff in my hands. I push open the door and walk in. I stumble to one of the two beds and dump my stuff on the bed closest to the window. I sit down and take a drink from my bottle of water. It's 10am. I start to hang my stuff neatly into one of the closets. I need something to take my mind off him. About a half an hour later I finish unpacking my clothes and put my suitcase under the bed. I take out my dark purple sheets and make my bed. By the time I'm finished I hear the door jiggle. I guess that's my roommate. I walk over and open the door. There are a lot of boxes in her arms and they cover her face. I take a couple of them and set them down on the ground next to her bed. I look up to see Jinx. She looks surprised to see me.
"Oh, hey again." I say kind of stunned.
"Hi. I didn't think I'd be seeing you around for a while." She talking but it's more to herself than me.
"Yea me either." I try to sound happy.
"My name is Jinx but I guess you already know that." She sneers.
"I'm Spark." I think.
"Well, sorry you're stuck living with me. I know it must suck living with some Goth girl but you'll come to deal." She flops on her bed and lies there. I have no idea what to say but it sounds like Jinx isn't very popular at the Hive Academy.
* * *
Well, I'm lying on my bed looking through all these pictures and feel like an idiot for watching that damn Notebook.  It's been about a week since I got that movie and I just watched it tonight but I really wish I hadn't. I feel really depressed. I've been trying to make myself busy so I won't think about her but it doesn't work very well. I'm exhausted but I don't want to sleep. When I sleep I dream, and I dream of her. Every time I wake up it's as if she's leaving all over again. I don't even know what day it is. I think it's Thursday but it might be Sunday. I don't know and I don't care.  I get up quietly and briskly but quietly jog down to Rae's room. I slip through the door and lie on her bed. It's easier to sleep when I'm surrounded by her things. Her room is very calming and it makes me sleepy. I light some incense and a candle because that's what she would always do. I crawl into her bed and it almost feels like she's here with me. My breaths are less shallow now and it feels great to be not-sad. I'm not happy but I'm not suicidal right now either.
* * *
It's been two weeks with the new roommate, Spark. And she seems okay but I don't trust anyone anymore. Not since those rumors started, all because I'm different. But Spark seems different too. She doesn't fit in to well. That's something we have in common. I can't even have a normal conversation with someone the same gender as me.  So just because I get along better with guys I'm a Goth slut.  But Spark hasn't called me that but most of the gossip is "behind" my back.  She just went to do her laundry and she offered to do mine. She probably was going to die it all pink or something. But I guess I shouldn't be so pessimistic maybe she was just trying to be nice. There's a knock on the door. I pull myself off the bed and open the door. It's Spark with a basket of clothes and smoothies.
* * *
Jinx opens the door for me. I put the basket on my bed and hand her one of the smoothies.  She takes it and just stares at it.
"I didn't poison it." I say both jokingly and seriously.  She looks at me for awhile.
"No laxatives either." I say seriously. She continues to stare at me but she finally takes a sip.
"Thanks." She says and she sits on her bed. I've heard the rumors about her and she really only has SeeMore, Mammoth and Gizmo as her friends. I also noticed they are all guys. She's kind of like me. I mean I'm not really close to Starfire and I always hated Terra. I've never had a best friend that was a girl. Cyborg is the closest thing I have to a best friend, not counting Gar obviously. For the past three weeks I've been very isolated. Jinx barely talks to me, and all the girls here fear me ever since that one combat practice.
"You did well last week." Jinx says in between sips. It's as if she read my mind, just like a Gar does.
"Combat practice?" I ask. She nods.
"Thanks." I say.
"I didn't know the Advanced Course could be completed in less than 3 minutes, let alone by a new recruit." She smiles and I think this means we're friends.
"Ya, I've had some prior experience." I laugh nervously.
"Really? Cuz I think everyone's terrified of you." Jinx seems interested.
"Ya, well, I've had my fair share of run ins with the Teen Titans if you count that as experience." If you count living with them.
"Me too." She seems sad. "You can't tell anyone this but I've always wanted to be one of them."  Jinx looks down.
"Really?" I'm shocked; It always seemed like she hated us.
"Well, not a hero, but to have such close friends."
"Aren't you close to SeeMore and them?"
"They're guys. They don't wanna hear about my problems with gossip or my cramps. Or to hear which guys I think are cute. But the Teen Titans they have each other. I mean Beast Boy's best friends with Cyborg, Robin's dating Starfire. I just wanna have close friendships that will last forever." She shrugs. I notice how she doesn't say my name but I let it go.
"I get that. I've never had a best friend that was a girl. I just got a male best friend, I mean I've had friends but never close." She thinks that the Teen Titans are "bestest" friends and though we are all great and really close friends, we don't know a lot about each other. I mean we know the everyday stuff. But the only deep things we know about each other haven't been because we told each other but only when our dark secrets come busting through the door.  I don't know if Jinx and I could be friends, but maybe Spark and Jinx could.
"Yea, but back to the whole hero thing, sometimes I wish I was a hero." She says.
"Why?"
"Well, my ex-boyfriend was a hero and he was always trying to make me become a hero. And I really like liked him."
"Who was your ex-boyfriend?"
"Kid Flash." I knew they were dating!
"Ex?" I ask.
"He broke up with me because I wouldn't convert to a hero. But now this new guy I like he's a hero too! And I like him way more than I ever liked Kid Flash and he likes me that way too! It feels for real this time."
"Love is….unexplainable." I almost choke as I bite back tears.
"Why isn't he here?" She knows that I have a he but doesn't know who he is.
"He couldn't come to this academy but he wanted me to go. He lives too far away to visit regularly."
"Did you guys break up?"
"No. But long distance is hard." She nods as she comes over to my bed.
"Want help folding your laundry?" I nod and smile.
* * *
Cyborg is acting hella weird. He keeps pacing around and looking at his arm, I'm guessing he's checking the time.
"You got somewhere to be?" I ask.
"Yea."
"You gonna tell me where?"
"The plaza."
"For what?"
"I need to meet someone."
"Who?"
"None of your business." He always tells me what he's doing. But I guess he's not gonna let me tag along.
"Instead of pacing around here, why don't you just go early?" He stops and realizes this is a good idea. He waves as he jogs down to the garage. I hear the garage door open and see the T-Car hover over the waves and drive off. It's Saturday. Raven's been gone for 3 ½ weeks almost a month.  I think about her a lot. I wonder what would make her laugh. I get an idea. I rush down stairs to go to the supermarket.
* * *
I run down the hallway with tears streaming down my face. I practically run past Room 245. I slam my key into the lock and turn as hard as I can.  I stumble in and flop on my bed. My stupid pink hair is falling in my face and my mascara and eyeliner are running. I can't believe this. How could he? I don't understand!
Spark walks through the door and stops dead in her tracks. Probably at the horrific sight of me balling my fucking eyes out.  She mutters something but I can't hear her over my sobs. She backs out of the dorm and I hear the door shut. Great on top of everything else I lose my only girl friend. I sob harder. I don't hear Spark come back it but she has about four bag plastic bags from the grocery store that are stuffed. She empties the bags on to my bed. My sobs quiet but I can't stop hyperventilating. I look at the pile of chocolate on my bed. Everything and anything chocolate is on my bed; chocolate cookies, chocolate icing, chocolate milk, chocolate chips, Hershey's kisses, Hershey bars, Twix Bars, chocolate ice cream, chocolate syrup, chocolate truffles, Jesus this couldn't be any better.
* * *
We're sitting on her bed eating about 100lbs of chocolate, laughing, gossiping and complaining. It's a lot of fun. I haven't this much fun since I was last with Gar.
"It's not my fault I'm a villain!" Jinx says with a mouth full of chocolate icing, "I mean come on! My powers are bad luck! It's not exactly like I had a choice! I mean my parents were villains, and they raised me to be a villain. I didn't know that hero was a choice!"
"So he basically dumped you before you guys were serious, only because you're a villain."
"Yea! It's like WTF!!!!!! He never had a problem with it before! I mean we had been dating for about six weeks but when someone asked if he was my boyfriend he got all freaked out and I didn't even have a chance to answer. Then our next date he breaks up with me!"
"That's really messed up."
"What's more messed up is that I still would take him back."  I don't know who he is yet but I am confident that she will tell me in time. We have become best friends in a matter of a week.  It's fun to have a close friend but it only dulls the constant pain I feel. I miss Gar so much that I've gotten used to feeling like I'm going to burst into to tears at any given moment.  I rarely do in public. But right now I need to be alone. I need to just let go of the tears, if I don't I'll explode.
"Jinx, are you okay to be alone for awhile? I really would like to just take a bubble bath and relax." I'm choking trying not to cry.
"I'm not alone I have about 100lbs of chocolate to keep me company." She laughs. I smile and grab my towel, iPod and speakers.  I go into our bathroom and run the bath water. I plug in my speakers and iPod and blast Taylor Swift. I immediately burst into tears hoping that the combined noise of the running water and my music will cover up my wails. I slip into the tub and pour as many bubbles as I can into the water. Hot tears run down my cheeks as I think of him. It's been about a month and I can't believe I survived this long. I can only hope I will last the next three months.
* * *
I just finished packing the box when Cyborg storms in.
"I screwed up! I really screwed up!" He's pacing back and forth.
"Dude, what happened?"
"Ok, so the person I was meeting was this girl I've been dating. And I really liked her, like really, really liked her. And I wanted to get more serious with her and I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend and I know it sounds cheesy but I just wanted to make things official. But then I started comparing our relationship to yours and Rae's and I got nervous! And I ended up breaking up with her!!!!!!" He has or had a girlfriend? Together but now broken up…because of my relationship?
"Wait, so how did you go from basically proposing in the I wanna be your boyfriend way to dumping her?" I'm soooooo confused.
"Well, like, I was thinking that Jinx and I aren't as close as you and Rae are, like we can't read each other's mind or anything like that but we had a connection…"
"Wait wait wait. JINX?"
"Oh. Yea. Jinx."  So he has a secret girlfriend now ex-girlfriend that's a villain and he didn't tell me.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I kinda thought you'd be weirded out that she's a villain."
"And I thought that you would be weirded out that I was dating someone that supposedly hated me."
"But you didn't exactly tell me either, I found out." He has a point but still.
"Well how are you gonna fix this?"  I ask.
"I don't know."  He shrugs as do I.
* * *
Spark has been in the bathtub for at least an hour. She thinks I can hear her sobbing over the music but I can. She told me about her boyfriend and how they are really close. I don't know his name but I don't ask; it's not like she knows I'm dating Cyborg or was dating.  It's kind of weird that Spark and I bonded so quickly. It's not like we had years to form a best friend relationship but it seems as if it's that strong. I know she misses her boyfriend a lot and I know they are extremely beyond close. I hear a knock at the door. I walk over and look through the peephole. It's a delivery man with a big box. I open the door and look at him.
"Is there a Spark here? I need a signature." He says.
"Yea, she's in the bathroom but I'll sign for her." I reply. He looks nervous.
"I need Miss Spark's signature." He says again.
"Look, Buddy, She's having a breakdown in the bathtub so unless you want to interrupt a crying teen aged villain who is easily angered then by all means go knock." He can hear the sobbing.
"I guess it would be ok this time if you signed for it." He hands me the clipboard. I sign it and hand it back to him.
"Thanks." I say and I go to grab the box.
"No, no it's very heavy let me carry it in." He says. Great, another guy who thinks girls are weak.
"I can get it." I snap. He shrugs as I walk over and pick up the box. He was right it is extremely heavy; what the hell is in here? Maybe I should have let him carry it but it's too late now. I smile and shut the door with my foot. I wobble over to her bed and practically drop it on her bed. I walk over to the bathroom panting. She stopped crying so I don't feel so bad knocking.
"Hey, you got a package." I say through the door.  There's silence and she says,
"A package?"
"Yep."
"I'll be out in one second." I hear her turn off the iPod. I go and sit on my bed and flip through a People magazine. She's comes on it sweats a tank after a couple of minutes.
"Wow. You weren't kidding." She looks really surprised that there really is a package on her bed; as if I just made it up.

* * *
There really is a package for me. I wonder what the hell it is. I walk over to it and look at the top of the box; no return address.  I grab a pair of scissors and cut the tape and open the flaps. There is an envelope on top. I pick up the envelope but I still can't see what's in the box because there's all this tissue paper.  I open the envelope and pull out the letter; it reads:
Hey love,
I can't say much in this letter for obvious reasons but I just wanted you to know that I miss you and that I love you no matter what. Forever and Always,
Gerald A. Ronald
P.S. When you find it, it's from our island.
G A R….Gar. I laugh at the hidden name.  He made me laugh; something I hadn't really done since the last I saw him. I reread the words over and over and over. I wonder what P.S. means.  I realize that I forgot about both Jinx and the package. I put the letter on the bed and say,
"Let's see want he sent me." Jinx gets off her bed and walks over. I pull off all the tissue paper and see six boxes of Pop Tarts. Each box has a word on it and it says, I'll Love You Forever And Always. It's so cheesy it's sweet. I pull out the pop tarts and set them on the bed. Under them are two big candles; one smells like lavender and the other smells like roses. I place the two candles on my nightstand and go back to the box. There's a smooth, white stone and I'm guessing this is what's from our island. I hold the rock in my hand and smile. Jinx starts laughing.
"What?" I say as I roll my eyes.
"It's just that I've never seen you this happy, EVER." She looks at me and shakes her head. She continues to tease me,
"If I had known you could be this happy I would have sent you a package myself." I shake my head and look into the box again and see a vintage Led Zeppelin t-shirt. I pick up the t-shirt and put it on over my tank top. As I'm pulling my head through I remember this t-shirt, it's the t-shirt that Gar wore the day of the food fight. It smells like Gar; that musky woodsy pine smell.
This was just what I needed.
Maybe this is something Gar needs too.  I decide that I will make and send him a package but the hard part is figuring out how I'm going to do it without getting caught.
* * *
I'm sitting on the roof of the tower. I just found out that there is no super bad ass class project crap going on at the Hive Academy. Robin made it all up to convince Raven to spy on them. He really just wanted to see their combat training in order for us to easily beat them knowing all their plays ahead of time. I haven't seen Raven for two months now and it's driving me fucking insane. And I haven't been able to send anymore packages because I don't want anyone getting suspicious and tracking them. I've only sent one and that was a month ago. But I wish she could just come back, it's been two months and I don't understand why she needs to stay two MORE months. Besides when Raven does come back from there, they are gonna know there was a spy and they'll change all of their plays and strategies so it will be a waste! As I'm thinking this someone covers my eyes with their hands. Is she back?! Oh my god, she is! Who else would it be? I grab Raven's hands and turn around,
"You're back!" I say but then I realize it's not Raven; it's Her.
"I missed you so much!" Terra says as she hugs me. As a knee jerk reaction I shove her so hard she falls.
"You." I sneer as I approach her. She scrambles up and puts her hands out in front of her.
"Beast Boy! I know you're mad and that you hate me but please just give me a chance!" She's pleading. I really, really want to kill her but I want to hear what pathetic excuse she has.
"A chance for what? To try and kill us all again? I'm sorry but I'm that stupid." I don't plan on doing anything, yet anyways.
"No. Please I'm so sorry. I was scared and alone. Slade forced me."
"That's a lie. One, you weren't alone when you buddied up with Slade; you were alone after that and even then you weren't alone because you had Slade. And two, he didn't force you to do anything. YOU tried to kill me three times, four if you include dumping me at the carnival. So why shouldn't I at least get one shot at killing you?"
"But Beast Boy, I love you."
"You don't know what love is. Besides, you can't love someone if they don't love you back." There are now tears running down her face, yes this was a great idea; torture her first then kill her.
"I just want a second chance, PLEASE."
"Can I have 'Horror scenes ending in blood splatter' for 500, yes that would be 'What happens to lying bitches?'" Raven would have laughed at that. I find myself chuckling out loud which makes it even creepier. I seriously think I'm going insane.
"Please, Robin said he would give me another chance as long as it was alright with you." What.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say." My teeth are clenched. She fidgets.
"Robin said that as long as you were ok with it that I could stay temporarily until you guys made the final decision."
"Final decision?"
"Whether I could become a Titan again."
"How the hell did you get out of being a statue?" She looks confused by my rapid change of subjects.
"Oh, I could always think, hear and see but I just couldn't move. I've been working for the past two years on bending the rock with my mind just enough around my hands so I could use my hands to get the rest of my body out." I'm barely paying attention as I walk past her and down the stairs and on to the elevator to the living room. Of course she follows me. Robin and I need to have a serious talk.
* * *
It's been a month and I've finally figured out a way to mail the package. It's so simple it's genius. I take the package and then mail it in a different city to the Tower.  It's so obvious.  I have the box packed with pita chips, Wuthering Heights, and a video of me in my disguise. Today I'm driving north about 50 miles maybe more depending on how I feel and then mailing it. Jinx is meeting her mystery ex-boyfriend today so I don't have to create a cover story.  I grab my purse, the box and the rental car keys. I walk down the black and yellow hallways and out to my black Ferrari rental. I place the box in the passenger seat and throw the car into drive. I peal out of the parking lot and floor it down the highway. I turn on the radio and am happy that I can finally listen to music without feeling pain. Mailing him this package is almost like I'm seeing him. I only wish I could see his face when he opens it. It's been about forty-five minutes when I see the first major city. I pull off the highway and into a shopping center. I get a nice parking space right in front of the post office. I kill the engine and walk inside with my box. I set the box on the counter. The postman smiles at me and looks at the box.
"Need some stamps?" He laughs.
"Only one or two, but I do need an address sticker."
"Here's one. You can fill it out while I weigh this."  I grab a pen and finish filling out the address label just as he comes back with my box. I place the sticker on the top.
"You're total's going to be $15.47." I pull out my wallet and pay. I smile and walk out. As I'm walking to my car I see a nail salon out of the corner of my eye.  I decide to refresh my black nail polish.
* * *
I see Cyborg fidgeting in his chair at the restaurant. I walk in and sit down across from him. All of the feelings of pain comeback from the last time I saw him. He looks at me and just shakes his head.
"I am so sorry. I never meant to break-up with you. I was actually going to ask you to be my girlfriend but I got nervous and I just fucked up." He was apologizing? He wanted to get back together?
"So you don't hate me?"
"What?! No! I love you." He said it. The L-word. He loves me. LOVES me.
"I love you too." The rest of the lunch was a blur. I just kept hearing those words over and over again. Before we parted, he kissed me. I walked to my car and got in. I was still shocked as I drove home. Everything was a blur and I was amazed it was 3pm when I walked into our dorm.
"HE SAID HE LOVED ME!!!!!!" I scream. But no one's here.  I flop on my bed and decide to take a shower. I grab my towel and run the water. I shampoo and condition my hair. I step out and throw on some jeans and a tee shirt. I quickly blow dry my hair and decide to watch some TV. I go over to Spark's nightstand a grab the remote but I knock over her make-up bag. Everything spills onto the floor. I bend down a pick up the multiple eyeliners, mascaras and other make-up when I see her birth control roll under the bed. I go to grab it and I push it farther away. I get on my hands and knees and finally grasp it. I pull it out but something's not right.  It can't be. I mean no it's not possible right? She's my friend. She's my best friend. Spark is my best friend. But Spark isn't real. Raven is.