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I Understand (Part 8)

Ianto waited. It was all he could do. Kneeling. Staring, trying desperately not to fall apart at the sight of his captain, his friend, his lover dead on the ground. It hadn’t been pretty. The alien had all but ripped Jack’s chest open. There was so much blood; blood soaking through Jack’s clothes; blood staining the pavement, then running away with the rain that poured down. And yet Ianto didn’t move. He simply knelt, one hand touching Jack’s shoulder, as if that simple touch would be enough to bring Jack back to him. He couldn’t tell if the drops running down his face were tears or rain water. He didn’t care. All he cared about was the man- not a corpse, not that, he wouldn't call it that – lying in front of him.

He hadn’t moved the body. Jack had made it very clear - never move him while he was dead - so Ianto hadn't. He didn’t even cradle him, despite the almost desperate instinct to gather the fallen man into his arms and clinging to the body he loved. Bowing his head, Ianto let out a single heart-wrenching sob then bit his lip – he’d be strong. Jack needed him to be strong. And he would be. He’d be there when Jack woke up. Ready for when Jack needed him.

Jack came back an hour after being killed. He gasped raggedly, almost screaming as he came round. Ianto grabbed him, holding Jack as still as possible as the other man fought against the embrace, the residue fear and adrenalin from the attack flooding out of Jack in a tidal wave of movement. Slowly the panic subsided and Jack fell back, gasping into Ianto's embrace. He stared up with blurred vision only just making out the features of his lover. Jack closed his eyes and groaned. He felt awful. He always did whenever he came back from the dead.

Slowly as he became more aware, he realised it was raining. But more than that, he realised Ianto was shaking, his hands noticeably cold as he cradled Jack. Offering what little body warmth he had to Jack without a thought of his own health. Gripping Ianto’s forearm Jack mumbled, "Cold  ...you’re so cold…and wet…”

“I couldn’t leave you” came the soft reply.

Jack winced at the pain held within the voice. Struggling to sit up, he yelped as pain flared across his chest. Looking down he swore, he really had been ripped apart. Glancing up he finally saw Ianto’s face with clear vision and the image slew him. Ianto looked so pale as to be almost made of marble. The fine features were fighting a losing battle against the emotions obviously flooding through his beautiful lover. It slowly dawned on Jack the fact that Ianto had stayed with him despite the rain and cold. He could have so easily retreated to the warmth and shelter of the SUV and still have kept watch Jack. But he hadn’t. He'd knelt in the rain, on the hard cold tarmac and for that alone Jack loved him. Without hesitation, Jack leaned forward and brushed a soft kiss over Ianto’s cold lips and breathing “Thank you”

Ianto didn’t reply. He smiled faintly then slowly, almost unsteady, got to his feet. His own muscles complaining at the sudden movement, he grimaced but forced himself to move. Reaching down, Ianto hauled Jack to his feet, sliding under the captain's arm, allowing Jack to use him as a prop as they made their way unsteadily to the SUV.

It was only as he reached over and slid Jack’s seatbelt into placed that Ianto spoke again, “I thought I’d lost you”

Jack caught the still frozen hand and murmured "I can’t die, you know that”

“It nearly ripped you in two” replied Ianto not looking Jack in the face, "It almost ripped your heart out – how could you survive that?”

“Ianto” called Jack softly, wincing as he went to move his arm, “Ianto, listen to me it’s ok...”

“Don’t say okay” snapped Ianto straightening, ”Don’t say it’s okay because it’s not!" he took a deep breath, ”You’ve barely recovered form those injuries you got while with the Doctor and now this -  how much more, Jack? How many more times are you going to die and still come back to me?”

Jack sat stunned. He didn’t get a change to reply because Ianto slammed the passenger shut, walked round the front of the SUV and climbed into the driver seat, slamming that door shut as well. Jack winced as Ianto started the engine and drove off. Obviously angry. And, Jack slowly realised - obviously terrified. It must have been awful waiting in the rain for Jack to come back, waiting alone. Jack lent across and touching Ianto's arm said softly, "I’ll always come back for you, I promise, I will always fight my way back to you.”

Ianto didn’t reply, he was staring ahead, eye fixed on the traffic lights waiting for them to turn green. At first, Jack thought Ianto hadn't heard him but as he watched, Ianto's face drained of the anger and the young man took a deep breath replying faintly, "I know. I’m sorry, I just got so scared. When I saw you fall, when I saw all that blood, I…everything inside me died… I...you’ve only been back a few weeks and I thought I was going to lose you all over again...” his voice trailed off.

Jack lent back, trying to imagine what it must be like for those he left behind each time. Sure he got the pain, the blackness and fear and the pain of coming alive again but he’d never stopped to think about those who watched it happen. Never imagined the terror watching someone you love die then having to wait an unknown time never sure if they really would come back. He closed his eyes, resting his head against the window, hating the fact that once again his actions were such a source of pain for his lover.

It wasn’t until he felt Ianto lightly kiss him, that Jack realised they were home. He’d fallen asleep on the drive and now found himself staring into blue eyes that were no longer full of fear and pain but sparkling with silent laughter. As Ianto released the seatbelt, he threw Jack’s left arm over his shoulder, helping Jack out of the SUV. About to complain about being able to walk unaided, Jack slowly realised he was actually still weak from his recent death and so gratefully settled onto Ianto’s shoulder, his hand caressing Ianto as they walked away from the SUV.

As they made their way slowly to the flat, Ianto chuckled, saying playfully “By the way - you were snoring in the car”

“I do not snore. I was just…” Jack sputtered his denial, half laughing.

“Just what?” asked Ianto the laughter in his voice doing Jack more good than a hundred pain killers, “Growling? Thinking allowed?”

Jack went to defend himself, then laughed as well. Ianto had just listed all the excuses he ever used to deny he was snoring. They both knew he’d snored and yet it had become something of a standing joke. It was something that only they shared and Jack liked it just the two of them, laughing for a moment. He glanced at his lover and said softly, "I really do like it when you laugh”

Ianto blushed and stammered, "Yes, well, stop dying on me and I’ll laugh more often!”

Jack smiled there was no real heat in the comment but he knew what Ianto meant. He knew how badly affect his lover was each time Jack died. Because it scared Jack as well, the idea that one time he might not wake up. That the next time he might be separated - by death - from Ianto. Forever.

Ianto noticed how serious Jack’s face had gone and slid out from under the older man's shoulder, touching Jack’s face, he said softly, "Jack, it’s okay. I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon" he lent forward and lightly kissed his lover's cheek, adding, "And neither are you"

Ianto sound more confident than he felt. He knew, just as Jack did, that each time there was that awful chance Jack might not come back. It made it even worse than if he got injured and died. At least with him they knew, knew if the injury was too bad that was it. But with Jack it was like some sick form of Russian roulette and Ianto hated it. But he knew too he couldn’t let Jack dwell on the possibilities because if he did, Jack would just withdraw – and Ianto couldn’t bear the through of life without Jack.

Searching Jack’s face Ianto brushed the older man’s face with his fingers murmuring, “You look awful!”

When Jack’s eyes widened in surprise, Ianto chucked and with a quick kiss said, "Go and clean up.”  He shoved a protesting Jack towards the bathroom ordering, “Make sure you put all those filthy clothes in the bathtub. I’ll sort them out later but I think you can say good bye to that shirt.”

Ianto actually laughed out loud as Jack whined at the thought of loosing his shirt.

Shaking his head Ianto started to wander into the kitchen, and padded around setting the coffee machine gurgling and pulling some ingredients out to make dinner.

A plaintive cry from the bathroom brought Ianto running.

He froze in the doorway. Hypnotised by one of the most erotic sights he’s ever seen. Jack stripped naked, his back to the door, standing under the hot shower. He was leaning against the wall, his eyes closed, one hand pressed against the wall as if he couldn’t quiet support himself. Ianto swallowed then called his voice embarrassingly breathy, "Jack, what’s wrong?”

Jack, without opening his eyes, replied softly, "I need you to…” he hesitated then opening his eyes gave Ianto one of the most erotic glances ever seen, “I need you to wash my back”

Ianto swallowed again. He could feel himself blushing which, he reasoned was ridiculous, Jack had asked him to do far more outrageous acts but somehow the act of washing Jack’s back turned him on more than anything. Hands on his he stared at his wet, naked lover and gulped. Running a hand thought his hair, Ianto stammered, "What? Well, yes…okay, I guess. I mean I clean up after you, might as well wash you as well...”

“You’re stammering” chuckled Jack, ”Ianto Jones, are you embarrassed?”

As he stripped, Ianto shoot Jack an amused angry look, replying, “No, of course not! I just...I..." he walked forward and snatched the sponge from Jack snapping “Right, well turn round then if you want me to do this!”

Jack obeyed and murmured, "Oh I do! I really want this Ianto.”

Jack closed his eyes as Ianto started to run the sponge over his back, it felt so good. Jack could feel his body repairing itself as Ianto carefully and slowly washed his back. The combination of the hot water cascading over him and Ianto’s delicate touches were beginning to work their magic on Jack. He let his head fall forward, relishing the feeling of Ianto’s careful touch.

Dropping the sponge, Ianto brought his hands up to Jack’s neck and slowly began to massage his neck.  Jack groaned again, this time the groan was pure desire. He couldn’t believe how amazing it felt, Ianto’s fingers working some kid of magic over his shoulders. He lent forward slightly, causing his backside to press firmly against Ianto’s hip. A half smile played across his lips as he heard Ianto sharp intake of breath.

Ianto slid his hands down Jack’s spine, the fingers caressing the bruised flesh. He could see Jack’s body healing itself, the cuts and bruises had already stared to fade. He let his hands rest on Jack’s hips, then he reached round, letting his hand run down the front of Jack’s hip to rest on the other man’s thigh.

Jack groaned again, murmuring, "You really do have healing hands”

Jack groaned as Ianto’s hand moved from his thigh to his hip and then to his cock. Jack whimpered as Ianto slowly caressed him, the long fingers working their magic on his shaft just as they had on his shoulders.

Ianto pressed a kiss onto the side of Jack’s neck, purring, “Okay?”

He couldn’t believe how amazing Jack felt. They’d played in the shower before but never like this, it had never been so interment before. When they'd done it before, it had been nothing but hot sex. But this, this was different and they both felt it. Jack groaned again, his hand moving onto Ianto’s wrist controlling the speed and pressure pushing Ianto faster, his hips thrusting backwards, rubbing Ianto’s own erection causing Ianto to groan.

Jack turned his head murmuring, ”Kiss me”

Ianto obeyed, his mouth closing over Jack’s as he continued to caress Jack’s shaft. His other hand slid round, the clever fingers gently massaging Jack’s balls causing Jack to groan loudly into the kiss. Ianto pressed closer into his lover's back, moulding his body to fit Jack perfectly, his erection rubbing Jack’s backside drawing moans of pleasure from Jack. Moans that got louder the closer Jack drew to the edge. Ianto broke the kiss breathing, “Jack, you okay? Is it too much? too soon?"

Jack shook his head, his eyes fluttering as Ianto continued to pleasure him. He started panting, his breaths coming in short gasps and as Ianto’s hands brought him closer and closer to the edge. It didn’t take long for him to explode over Ianto’s hand, the hot water washing them clean. Jack slumped against the wall; his forehead pressed against the cool tiles and purred “Now I know why I keep coming back”

Ianto chuckled, still spooned against his lover and quipped “ And I thought you just wanted my coffee”

Jack chuckled and turned, so he was facing Ianto so he could look at his young lover

Ianto smiled as Jack absently caressed his hip. Stepping closer Ianto said, “You look better already”

He smiled and reached out caressing the side of Ianto’s face loving how Ianto’s nuzzled the palm of his hand looking like a contented cat, "God, you look edible”.

With a sudden burst of strength Jack spun them pushing Ianto’s back against the tiles. Jack drank in Ianto’s surprised yelp, silencing it with a kiss. Ianto simply melted. His body moulded itself to Jack as the older man slowly and powerfully took control, his hands and mouth roaming over Ianto’s chest neck and throat. Within minutes, Ianto was gasping as Jack slid his mouth down Ianto’s shaft. Jack’s tongue drawing more and more explicit grunts from Ianto as the younger man tried desperately to stay calm. He was trying to fight the growing wave of pleasure, he knew how weak Jack could be when he came back and for that reason he was fighting his natural instinct.

Jack glanced up and almost choked - the sight above him was just amazing. Ianto, his eyes closed, head thrown back, one hand pressed flat against the tiles as he tried to hold back. Jack groaned against Ianto’s shaft, loving the wave of pleasure he saw flash across his young lover’s face. Ianto was holding back, Jack knew that, he knew too it was because Ianto was afraid of hurting him; afraid Jack was still too weak from only recently dying. Jack didn’t want that, he wanted the full Ianto experience. He wanted his wild, vocal, wanton lover who simply exploded with erotic passion, and Jack knew just how to get it.

He changed the position of his hands, sliding them round to grip Ianto’s backside, pulling the young man deeper into him. Ianto let out a strangled cry as he felt Jack’s finger start to play with his entrance. The hand, that had been laced through Jack’s hair, snapped round grabbing Jack’s wrist with his voice shaking as he said, ”No, Jack…you’re not… please…if you do I…I can’t…”

He didn’t finish the sentence; instead he let out pleasured cry as a single finger slid into him. He slumped back against the wall, his hips thrust out as Jack began to match the movement of the single finger with the rhythm on Ianto’s shaft. Jack glanced up, adoring the look on Ianto's face - it was pure and utter pleasure. His mouth was open slightly, gasping in air as Jack continued to tease and delight him. Knowing how much Ianto could take Jack slowly added a second finger, scissoring them, brushing the exact spot causing Ianto let out tiny groans of pure unadulterated bliss.  Within moments Ianto let out a stifled scream, his hips thrusting wildly as he came.

Jack stood up slowly, sliding along Ianto’s body. He covered his lover's mouth, kissing him deeply. Ianto wrapped his arms round Jack’s neck, clinging on as he felt the last few waves of pleasure pass through him. He was all but shaking, his legs unsteady as Jack wrapped his arms round Ianto’s waist pulling him against him, devouring his lovers mouth again. Ianto groaned into the kiss them leaning back, he stared to speak but Jack pressed a finger against his lips and murmured, “No. tonight I want to show you exactly what you mean to me” He kissed Ianto again, adding softly “Tonight is about me showing just how much I lov…”

They both froze.

The unfinished word hanging between them – unfinished but so understood. Neither of them had ever said it before. They’d both thought it; they’d confessed it to others but never to each other. Neither man had ever said to the other. But they both knew – they both understood that was what they shared.

Ianto gazed at Jack and saw how tense the other man was. He smiled slowly and leaning forward brushed his lips over Jack’s stunned mouth and murmured, "I know. I understand.”

Jack bit his lip. He’d never been lost for words before but once again his wonderful Ianto proved he didn’t need words for Ianto to understand what Jack meant. He smiled warmly and tightened his grip around Ianto’s waist purring, “You sure?” he paused the smile slipping into a very suggestive grin, “Or do you need me to show you exactly what I feel?”

Ianto sighed dramatically and letting his accent thicken replied "Well, seeing as how I’m feeling very stupid perhaps you should show me in minuet detail, just...exactly… what… it… is… you… feel” he punctuated his words with kissed along Jack’s throat.

Jack growled and grabbing one quick deep kiss, dragged Ianto out of the shower and into the bedroom, ignoring Ianto’s yelp about not soaking the carpet, Jack simply dragged his lover to the bed. Turing, he caught Ianto’s face and kissing him deeply saying “I mean it, you know”

Ianto smiled a stunning smile and blinking very slowly replied, "I know. I mean it too…..”

Ianto hesitated, he was staring at the bedside table. At the train timetable lying beside the notepad; the notepad he’d scribbled a time and place on. Suddenly he swore and pulled away from Jack, spinning to look at the clock on the wall. He swore again and glared at Jack hissing, “Get dressed! We’re going to be late!”.

Jack frowned, watching as Ianto started to grab fresh clothes and started to get dressed. Ianto was mumbling to himself something about always being distracted whenever he was around Jack. As a half dressed Ianto raced passed him, Jack caught his lover and said soothing, "Ianto, gorgeous, what the hell are you doing?”

Ianto glared at him snapping, "She's arriving tonight - remember? You invited her, Jack! How could we forget she was arriving tonight?”

Jack frowned, “Guest? Ianto, who?”

Ianto stopped and stared at Jack, answering slowly, “Jack, you made the initial arrangements, remember?” he searched Jack’s blank face then sighing, "Martha - remember? She arrives tonight - for the weekend? A weekend you initially invited her for”

Jack stared wide eyed - he had forgotten. With everything that had happened, the problems with Owen, the Doctor's sudden appearance, the alien, his dying, he'd simply forgotten the weekend they’d planed weeks ago with Martha. He grinned saying, "Oh yeah - should be a good weekend”

“I’ll bet” chuckled Ianto.

He was now dressed in jean and a tight t-shirt. Jack ran his eyes over him and without warning caught hold of the belt lops and hauled his lover to him. Pressed groin to groin, Jack held Ianto’s backside and purred, "Just because we have guests, it doesn’t mean I’m not going to show you just how much you mean to me”

Ianto groaned his head falling back slightly as Jack kissed the base of his neck. But he reminded himself of Martha's very imminent arrival and pushing away from Jack said cheekily, "Down! Bad Jack! Behave!”

He couldn’t resist giving Jack’s shaft a light slap. He grinned as Jack groaned, the older man’s eyes flashing with erotic promise  and delight. Still chuckling Ianto added, “We have a guest to pick up.”

He grabbed his denim Jacket and running his eyes over the still naked Jack sighed saying, "Right then, slight change of plan," he flashed Jack a quick grin, "Well you stay here then, no sense scaring half of Cardiff with naked Jack .” As Jack started to laugh Ianto ordered, “Instead make yourself useful. You can tidy up the bathroom, put fresh towels on the guest bed and ...”

Jack closed the space between them and pressed a finger against Ianto's lips saying firmly, “I get it. Tidy the flat. I will make sure it is fit for a guest, although Martha‘s seen worse” he chuckled at Ianto sudden look of horror adding, "Not that there's anything wrong with the flat - it's perfect”. He gave Ianto a little push saying, "Go on, go! Pick up my other favourite person in the world.”

Ianto smiled and as he stepped through the door, he turned and called back, “By the way, Jack” he waited for his lover to look at him, "I feel the same way”

Jack didn’t hide the smile that burst over his face as Ianto left. And good to his word Jack harkens began to do the house work.

TBC