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I understand (part 11)

Ianto felt as if his heart was broken. Jack’s word echoed in his ears – “who are you? I don’t know you – don’t touch me.”

Ianto gasped as he hit the tiled wall, he hadn’t realised he’d physically backed away. As he stood staring at the gurney and the now unconscious Jack, everything seemed to turn cold, all the sound seemed to drain from the world and suddenly he knew what to do, he knew what had to be done.

It was Owen who caught the movement out of the corner of his eyes. Turning, he shouted, “Ianto! Wait!”

But it was too late; Ianto was already up the stairs and springing towards the cells. Owen, Gwen and Martha took off in hot pursuit. Martha paused at the top of the stairs and glancing back, seeing Tosh sink down beside Jack. Martha nodded at her and Tosh smiled back. Martha turned and sprinted after the others.

************************************

John tried to get out of his way as Ianto ripped the cell door open. Before he could speak, Ianto grabbed John by the collar and hauling the already injured man to his feet and shouted, “What did you do to him?!”

Before John could answer, Ianto floored his with a punch. John threw an arm up over his face as Ianto threw another punch at him before hauling the bloodied captain back to his feet, growling, "Tell me what the hell was in that poison? What did you do to him?” Ianto pulled his fist back again to smash it into John’s face.

At that moment the others arrived, Martha and Owen both grabbing Ianto by the arms and dragging him away from John, while Gwen stood in front of the cowering figure. She glanced down eyes wide at the injuries John was already carrying. John saw her looking at him and smiled weakly, purring, “See anything you like, Big Eyes?”

“Oh shut up!” she hissed, tuning her attention back to Ianto, who was struggling to get his arms free screaming, "Let go of me! He did this to Jack! Let go of me!”

“Ianto, stop it! He’s not worth it.” shouted Owen, struggling to keep Ianto contained.

Martha hadn’t spoken, instead she wrapped herself round Ianto's other side, her hand pressed to his chest, trying desperately to keep hold of him. She’d never realised just how strong he was but standing there, fighting to keep him from killing John, she was beginning to realise the hidden depths of Jack’s young lover.

“What did you do to him?” rasped Ianto, glaring at John who had now regained his feet and was, much to Gwen's disgust, leaning on her for support.

“I haven't got a clue what you’re talking about, Eye-Candy,” spat John, blood landing on the cell floor from where Ianto had spilt his lip.

“His memory!” snarled Ianto, ”He doesn’t remember anything. He doesn't know where he is or who we are.”

“You’re kidding?!” exclaimed John, his face so surprised Martha wondered if he was actually telling the truth, ”Look whatever‘s happened is nothing to do with me,” said John “Really, all that stuff does is kill people, which by the way I wasn’t planning on doing...”

“Oh really?! You just happened to get some on him by mistake?” snapped Ianto, straining to free himself from Owen and Martha.

He managed to force Owen back, who grunted in exasperation, elbowing Ianto in the side hissing, "Will you keep still?!”

“Let go of me!” growled Ianto at Owen. Turning his attention back to John he growled, ”I’m going to kill you for this, for what you’ve done to him. I am going to make you suffer, John Hart…”

“I didn’t do it!” shouted John, now straining against Gwen who was holding him back, “Listen to me Eye-candy I honestly didn’t come here to kill Jack…”

"Yeah right!” huffed Gwen, elbowing John in the ribs for good measure.

"What is it with you people – I am telling the truth!” asked John rolling his eyes. He stared at Ianto, drinking in the sight of the young Welshman enraged and looking decidedly hot. Licking his bloodied lips John said, “Listen to me Eye Candy - I didn’t come here to kill him, I swear. If it’s his memory that’s screwed up then its most likely Time Agency not me…”started John.

“Liar!” shouted Ianto struggling even more straining every muscle to free himself from the others grip, “Why should we believe you?”

“I swear! yelled John, “I didn’t come here to kill him!” Gwen yelped as she felt John take a step closer to where Ianto was being restrained. Quickly she stepped between them, her hands pressed again John’s chest, her back almost touching Ianto’s straining body.

“Then why were you fighting him?” roared Ianto, his gaze locked with John’s, “Why were you kissing him?”

“Because I still love him!” screamed John.

********************************

Tosh sighed. She desperately wanted to know what was happening and yet she was not going to abandon Jack. She looked down into his face. He cared so much for them and did so much to protect them, the thought that they had failed him in some way scared her. She sank into the chair beside the gurney. Without realising it, she linked her hand with Jack’s. She smiled faintly at the sight – Jack’s hand almost eclipsed her own. She let out another soft sigh and leaning forward murmured, "Please Jack, you have to remember us. We need you – Jack, I need you." she paused and with a soft smile playing at her lips added, "And Ianto really needs you.”

*******************************

The cell was silent except for the assorted ragged breathing and panting. Gwen looked in shock; Owen looked surprised, while Martha simply looked intrigued. John was just John, his face was twisted into a sneer with a slight hint of excitement flickering around his face. Ianto however was blank. His face held no emotion. His eyes though seemed to hold the emotions of the world. As John’s confession faded, Ianto suddenly went limp, catching Martha and Owen by surprise. He stared at the other captain, then slowly pulling away from his own captures, Ianto said hoarsely, ”Well he doesn’t love you. Not any more.”

Before anyone could react, Ianto punched John with the full force of the emotions swirling through him. As John went down – out cold – Ianto simply turned and walked away, ignoring the shouts and calls from the others.

He wasn’t even sure where he was, his eyes were blind from the tears that threatened to fall. His feet seemed to be working on autopilot, navigating his way through the empty hub. Slowly his mind cleared and he knew what to do. He needed answers and somehow he knew where to find them. Walking quickly, he made his way to Jack’s room, reached under the bed and pulled out the small tin box Jack had told him about ages ago.

*****************************

Tosh looked up as the other three wondered back. Gwen smiled briefly at her as Martha and Owen fell into doctor mode, checking the readouts and murmuring to each other about how to bring Jack’s memory back. Tosh frowned as she realised Ianto wasn’t with them, “Where’s Ianto?”

“Don’t know,” replied Owen, "It got pretty intense down there.”

"What happened?" asked Tosh, turning to look at the team doctor.

“Let’s just say, I think if Ianto never sees John Hart again, it’ll be too soon.”

He picked up the readouts and scanning them suddenly exclaimed, “God, I hate that bastard Hart.” He threw the printout down, "How could he do this? That poison should not have caused memory loss…”

“Then what can cause memory loss like that?” asked Gwen, crossing to stand beside Tosh.

“Traumatic shock?” offered Martha, looking at Owen who just shrugged, "I mean it’s possible it’s just traumatic shock, after all he was poisoned and nearly died but I wouldn’t have thought it was that.” She sighed and pushed the readout away, “Perhaps we missed something" she sighed again as she bent over the monitor staring almost unseeingly at the screens.

“No, we’re not wrong,” snapped Owen, "Something else is going on, something must have gone wrong…”

“His memory has been wiped.”

They all turned at the voice. Ianto was standing at the top of the stairs.

He looked awful. Tears tracks could be seen against the pale skin. He walked down the steps, past Gwen and stopped beside Tosh. He glanced at her and held out a scrap of paper. Tosh took it, she knew it was Jack’s writing, quickly she scanned the words before looking up at Ianto, her face drained of colour, “Ianto, no…you …he can’t ask that of you…he just can’t...”

“What is it?” said Gwen, moving to stand beside Tosh. She took the scarp of paper and she too scanned it. When she looked up, her eyes were wide and brimming with tears, "God, Sweetheart, no!” she murmured, “That’s so brutal…he…”

Owen and Martha, still none the wiser, crossed to Gwen and as she held the scarp up for them, they both read it quickly. Owen swore loudly, while Martha just looked stunned.

Ianto glanced at Tosh and she gasped as she noticed Jack’s gun held in Ianto’s hand, catching his arm, she said softly, “Ianto, don’t do it. Let one of us; please don’t make yourself do this. Not after everything else you’ve been thought tonight.”

Ianto shook his head; she could see the tears threatening to fall. He looked broken as he turned and looked at Martha explaining, “I should have remembered,” he murmured, exhaustion, guilt and fear slurring his words, thickening his accent beyond recognition as he continued, “Jack told me about it once, told me how the Time Agency often put a psychological trigger in to an agent's subconscious.”

He gave a harsh laugh and wiped his hand over his face, “He wasn’t even sure they’d done it to him. Guess this answers that question. The trigger must have been activated when the poison started to destroy his body. Then when we brought him back with the antidote, the shock must have fully activated it, shut his memory down,” Ianto closed his eyes, determined not to let the other's see him cry, ”He told me if it ever happened he needed to die to reset his body, to reset his memory…”

His words echoed round the silent medical bay. Gwen reached across and lacing her hand with his, she looked at him and said, ”Sweetheart, Tosh is right, you don’t have to do this. One of us could do it. I cou…” her voice caught in her throat as she realised what she was saying, “or Owen could do it. Wouldn't be the first time he’d killed Jack.”

Gwen suddenly looked at Owen who had a very strange look on his face and said, "Sorry, Owen”

He shrugged saying, "Yeah, well, I’m not proud of it but I did do it – so I guess I can do it if you want...” his voice trailed off as Ianto shook his head.

The team looked in shock and the silence hanging over them was suffocating. In the end, it was Martha who took control. Her voice slipping into command mode, she ordered, “Gwen, Tosh, can you please arrange some refreshments for everyone down in the boardroom. Owen, I think Captain Hart needs medical attention, would you please go and stop him bleeding enough so he doesn't die just yet.” When no one moved, she barked, "Those were orders, people - now move!”

Three sets of eyes turned to face her but she held her ground and slowly the others faded to carry out her orders. As they left they all gave Ianto a pat or touch of comfort, even Owen paused long enough to hug him quickly.

Martha waited for the others to leave before she moved to stand beside Ianto. She could feel him shaking. She pressed her hand against his shoulder and said softly, "You don’t have to do this...”

“It should be me, he tried to prepare me…" replied Ianto, not taking his eyes off Jack’s face he lifted the scrap of paper Jack had written the instructions on to show Martha again.

"I love him so much, Martha, if I can’t do this for him, what good am I to him?”

Martha wrapped her hands round Ianto’s staring at the piece of paper. She felt her voice catch but she forced herself to speak saying, "Ianto…”

“Funny really,” said Ianto, the tears falling unheeded down his face, "I told him not to die and I’m going to be the one that kills him this time.”

“Only to bring him back,” added Martha soothingly, “You’re doing this to save him, Ianto. He is going to be so proud of you, so amazed…”

“He’ll be angry,” murmured Ianto, ”I lost my temper with John Hart, I let my emotions rule me...”

“No!” exclaimed Martha, turning Ianto round, “Now you listen to me, Ianto Jones. You have been so strong tonight. You did everything that was needed to save the man you love and you’re about to do that again. I could not do this,” she waved the piece of paper at Ianto, “I sure as hell couldn’t hold a gun to Tom’s head even if I knew it was the only way to save him. But you are, you are being so strong.”

She wrapped her arms round Ianto giving him a final hug. Releasing him she gave him a strong smile and said, "Now you do this, one shot to the head, it’ll be quick and almost painless,” she added remembering Ianto's earlier lecture about the pain Jack always felt, “And within minutes Jack will be back, you’ll see.” Martha gave him a final look before walking up the stairs, leaving Ianto alone in the medical bay.

Ianto didn’t actually realised she’d left him alone. All he could think of was the fact that he always seemed to be the one to end the lives of those he loves. Before he had been faced with the task of shooing Lisa but he hadn’t been able to. Not that time, then he'd just broken down and left it to the team to finish the job. And now faced with the same requirement for Jack, he wasn’t about to fail again. He could feel the trigger against his finger he tightened his grip then hesitated. Lowering the gun a moment, he bent forward and brushed Jack’s hair out of his face. Placing a chaste kiss on Jack’s unreceptive lips, Ianto murmured, ”I love you so much. Please, please, come back to me. I love you, Jack, please…”

He straightened and held the gun steady against Jack’s forehead. Ianto took a deep breath, murmured, ”I love you,” and pulled the trigger.

The shoot echoed round the room. Ianto felt as if the bullet had pieced his own heart. Dropping the gun, he sank to his knees, heart breaking sobs ripping from his throat as he let all the emotion of the past hour explode out of him. He cried as the machines slowly died out, the beeping fading to silence. He was shaking as all the fear, the anger, the intense pain of watching Jack suffer and die flowed out of him via his tears. He cried for so long that he didn’t have any more tears left. While the spent tears dried on his face, he wrapped his arms round himself, curling up into a ball, his head touching the floor as he knelt, his whole body racked with each dry sob that echoed from his body.

“Ianto….”

Ianto was sobbing so loudly and so hard he didn’t hear the soft call. He didn’t notice the machine start beeping in time with a heart beat again. It wasn’t until he felt strong arms wrapping round him, that Ianto even realised Jack had moved. He gazed up, his eyes red raw from crying and stared into two blue eyes that gazed back at him – not blankly as before, not full of fear or panic but with love. So much love Ianto felt his heart explode again, this time with love.

Jack held the younger man as Ianto shock. Jack had no idea what had happened, no idea why he had woken to find himself in the medical bay with his own gun resting on his chest and Ianto a sobbing wreck on the floor. All he knew was he loved the young man in his arms more than he’d ever loved anyone before.

Jack tipped Ianto’s head up, kissing each heavy eyes lid softly and murmured, “Whatever you did for me – thank you.”

Ianto closed his eyes and buried his face against Jack’s neck; He was shaking so much the emotions flooding through him were too much. As the world started to spin he heard Jack’s shouting, heard the panic in Jack’s voice as he yelled, “Owen!!! I need help now…Ianto.... Ianto, it’s okay, I’ve got you, I’ve got you, Ianto…” As the world faded to black, Ianto smiled content in the knowledge that Jack was alive, his Jack was alive.