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Sarah was watching the five men out of narrowed eyes. They were approaching her with self-assured grins and nasty words on their lips and did not know that they would soon be dead.
“Travelling alone did not seem to be the best idea you had, Sweetie”, one of them told her and raised his fingers to touch her cheek.

Silently she moved backwards, grabbed her broad sword which had been leaning against the tree next to her... and chipped his hand off.

He screamed and stumbled backwards while blood was splattering all over Hawkes face.

She could not have cared less. Shooting forward, she charged and let her blade dance. Actually it was Fenris blade – the blade of Mercy – but he had refused to take it and implied that she only wanted to remind him on his past.Maker, how damn angry she had been when she had left his mansion...

But then everything had become meaningless. Her mother had died due to the blood magic of a lunatic, and everything which had ever mattered to Sarah had been shattered. Four days she had only functioned, fulfilling her duties as a good daughter, accepting all the condolence wishes and preparing the funeral. She had smiled at Anders and reassured that everything would be alright. She had taken a sobbing Merrill into her arms, because her mother had obviously visited the young Elf more than one time in the alienage. She had spoken with Aveline about her own father and had spent a whole evening in the Hanged Man with Isabela and Varric. Her mother probably would have been proud of her, but Leandra would also have been concerned to see her so completely controlled.

Fenris had visited her two days after her mother’s death. He hadn’t spoken a lot, and his calm presence had been so much better than anything else within these days. Looking back she assumed that he had been deeply worried, seeing more than her other friends, but in the end he had decided to say nothing and leave her alone. When he had been gone, the hollowness and darkness deep inside of her had even grown deeper.

Leaving Kirkwall had been her only option. Her only choice. Deep inside of herself something had been starting to grow, a heavy hunger eating her from inside. Only blood seemed to be able to fulfill it, at least for a while. The blood of her enemies, but also her own. She had started to dive deep into the adrenaline and hurt of a good fight, even more than before. If Fenris had called her reckless in the past, he would have called her now suicidal.

But the Elven warrior wasn’t there anymore, and neither were her other friends. She had left Kirkwall one month ago and made sure that no one was able to follow her. Now she was deep in the Vimmark mountains, looking for a good fight on every corner, no matter if it was a fight against thugs like those she as fighting now or the mountain lions or bears.

A man was crying in agony, and the sound was ringing in her ears and singing in her blood. Suddenly a heavy pain shot though her left leg, but she did neither stumble nor hesitate, pulling strength out of it instead, and charged again, her strokes even growing faster and heavier.

In the end the last two thugs decided to flee, and it took her all of her strength not to follow them. Her leg was bleeding too much, so she had to treat the wound first…

On the other hand: Why? Wasn’t that exactly the reason why she had decided to come here? To finally join her family? To finally find somebody who was willing and able to kill her in a good fight?

She shot forward and followed the two men, ignoring the pain shooting through her leg and the blood running down on it. The first of them whirled around and tried to fend her off, but her BLADE had no MERCY with him… Someone was laughing about the joke, and when he fell to the ground she realized that it was her own laugh, sharp and loud.

“You BITCH!!”

A small, but sharp dagger blade was sliding under her armor and would have met her heart if she hadn’t been able to throw herself to the side in the last moment. Hard, she was slamming on the ground and felt in the next instance how her head was being pulled into her neck and the blood splattered blade pressed against her throat.

Finally…

The pressure against her throat disappeared, and a wet sound could be heard. Then the thug’s body fell onto the ground next to her, his eyes wide and empty and dead.

“NO!!” Furiously she was whirling around and looking up… into green eyes.

Fenris looked down on her with a frown, appearing to be thinner than the last time she had seen him. His markings were still glowing softly, and his fist was covered with blood.

Snarling, she changed her stance and crouched in front of him, looking up. “Why have you DONE THAT? He was MINE to kill!!”

For a long moment he watched her silently. Then he was crouching as well and softly answered: “I thought I was your prey? But now look at us: It seems like I am hunting YOU…” Leaning his head to the side, he added, holding her gaze: “Besides: To me this fight has looked more like an attempt to get killed, and not TO KILL…”

She charged, but he was quicker gone than she was able to see or realize. The next moment strong arms closed around her from behind, and she was pressed against his armor and hold so firmly that she was barely able to breath.

“I got you.”

“Let go of me!!” Angrily, she tried to throw him off – unsuccessfully.

“No.”

“You have made your decision, Fenris”, she hissed and continued struggling against him. “You turned your back on me, but now that I am broken and at the end, you come back?? Don’t make a fool out of yourself and out of me. I do not need you.”

“You are neither broken, nor at the end, Hawke”, was all he answered, still holding her. "You are mourning."

Damn, suddenly she felt how weak she was. With physical strength she definitely wasn’t able to overcome him, but maybe with psychic?

“What do you know about mourning?? Her voice was sneering. “You have no idea what you are talking about, Fenris. You have never allowed anybody close. So don't fucking tell me that you understand what I feel!!"
"I never said that." How could his voice still sound so soft and patient? "All I say is that I am here now."
And that did it. With a rush all of her remaining energy left her, and she was collapsing in his arms, staring at her blood spattered hands.
"You have no idea how much a hate this city", she eventually whispered. "It has taken everything away from me. It should have been our hope and salvation, but turned out to be the bane of our life. Carver lost his life on the way to reach the city, Bethany when she tried to help me earning a better life for us. All of this somehow made sense. But this.... THIS..." Suddenly a dry sobbing sound came over her lips. "I cannot understand this. I don't know which sense it should have that mother was taken in this way from me." Another sob, although she tried to oppress it. She had not shed a single tear after holding her mother's body in her arms. "I am wondering if the Maker is punishing me. And then I think that he probably doesn't exist and life is just fucked up..."
Fenris was staying silent, neither denying not approving what she said. His embrace was gettig more gentle, and with a sigh she let her head sink against his shoulder, while finally tears were running down her cheeks. "I cannot go back, Fenris", she ended. "I don't know how."
He took his time to speak, but when he did it, she had been able to calm down a bit and was following his voice. How much she had missed it...
"You are right: I cannot say that I have ever experienced what you feel now, but what I know is how loss feels. The loss of something you aren't even able to give a name. For years I wasn't even aware that I was missing it, but then I came to Kirkwall and met you and the others." Hesitating, he continued: "I think I would miss you when you were gone. All of you. Well, maybe Anders not so much, and Merrill... I don't know. But Varric, and Aveline, Isabela... and you." Quieter, he ended: "Especially you. What I want to say is: There is always hope. Always something to care or also worry about. If life was fair, you and I, we both wouldn't be here. But it isn't. And all you can do is to decide if you want to face it, or if you want to back off and run."
A wet chuckle came over her lips. "Look who is talking. Shouldn't you be the one adopting your own advice first?"
There was a short touch of her hair. His lips?
"Maybe I will, Sarah. But I need you to be in Kirkwall to do so."
A strange feeling was rising inside of her. Her tiredness mixed with relieve and the realization that maybe - just maybe - she had not lost everything.
"So you were following me out of selfish reasons?"
"If that makes it easier for you to come home with me", he commented dryly, "I will agree with that ridiculous accusation."
Snorting, she was stroking over her face and got up, looking down on her and realizing for the first time how she looked. "I should take a bath."
"There is waterfall nearby. I can show you..."

Description

Sarah was watching the five men out of narrowed eyes. They were approaching her with self-assured grins and nasty words on their lips and did not know that they would soon be dead.
“Travelling alone did not seem to be the best idea you had, Sweetie”, one of them told her and raised his fingers to touch her cheek.

Silently she moved backwards, grabbed her broad sword which had been leaning against the tree next to her... and chipped his hand off.

He screamed and stumbled backwards while blood was splattering all over Hawkes face.

She could not have cared less. Shooting forward, she charged and let her blade dance. Actually it was Fenris blade – the blade of Mercy – but he had refused to take it and implied that she only wanted to remind him on his past.Maker, how damn angry she had been when she had left his mansion...

But then everything had become meaningless. Her mother had died due to the blood magic of a lunatic, and everything which had ever mattered to Sarah had been shattered. Four days she had only functioned, fulfilling her duties as a good daughter, accepting all the condolence wishes and preparing the funeral. She had smiled at Anders and reassured that everything would be alright. She had taken a sobbing Merrill into her arms, because her mother had obviously visited the young Elf more than one time in the alienage. She had spoken with Aveline about her own father and had spent a whole evening in the Hanged Man with Isabela and Varric. Her mother probably would have been proud of her, but Leandra would also have been concerned to see her so completely controlled.

Fenris had visited her two days after her mother’s death. He hadn’t spoken a lot, and his calm presence had been so much better than anything else within these days. Looking back she assumed that he had been deeply worried, seeing more than her other friends, but in the end he had decided to say nothing and leave her alone. When he had been gone, the hollowness and darkness deep inside of her had even grown deeper.

Leaving Kirkwall had been her only option. Her only choice. Deep inside of herself something had been starting to grow, a heavy hunger eating her from inside. Only blood seemed to be able to fulfill it, at least for a while. The blood of her enemies, but also her own. She had started to dive deep into the adrenaline and hurt of a good fight, even more than before. If Fenris had called her reckless in the past, he would have called her now suicidal.

But the Elven warrior wasn’t there anymore, and neither were her other friends. She had left Kirkwall one month ago and made sure that no one was able to follow her. Now she was deep in the Vimmark mountains, looking for a good fight on every corner, no matter if it was a fight against thugs like those she as fighting now or the mountain lions or bears.

A man was crying in agony, and the sound was ringing in her ears and singing in her blood. Suddenly a heavy pain shot though her left leg, but she did neither stumble nor hesitate, pulling strength out of it instead, and charged again, her strokes even growing faster and heavier.

In the end the last two thugs decided to flee, and it took her all of her strength not to follow them. Her leg was bleeding too much, so she had to treat the wound first…

On the other hand: Why? Wasn’t that exactly the reason why she had decided to come here? To finally join her family? To finally find somebody who was willing and able to kill her in a good fight?

She shot forward and followed the two men, ignoring the pain shooting through her leg and the blood running down on it. The first of them whirled around and tried to fend her off, but her BLADE had no MERCY with him… Someone was laughing about the joke, and when he fell to the ground she realized that it was her own laugh, sharp and loud.

“You BITCH!!”

A small, but sharp dagger blade was sliding under her armor and would have met her heart if she hadn’t been able to throw herself to the side in the last moment. Hard, she was slamming on the ground and felt in the next instance how her head was being pulled into her neck and the blood splattered blade pressed against her throat.

Finally…

The pressure against her throat disappeared, and a wet sound could be heard. Then the thug’s body fell onto the ground next to her, his eyes wide and empty and dead.

“NO!!” Furiously she was whirling around and looking up… into green eyes.

Fenris looked down on her with a frown, appearing to be thinner than the last time she had seen him. His markings were still glowing softly, and his fist was covered with blood.

Snarling, she changed her stance and crouched in front of him, looking up. “Why have you DONE THAT? He was MINE to kill!!”

For a long moment he watched her silently. Then he was crouching as well and softly answered: “I thought I was your prey? But now look at us: It seems like I am hunting YOU…” Leaning his head to the side, he added, holding her gaze: “Besides: To me this fight has looked more like an attempt to get killed, and not TO KILL…”

She charged, but he was quicker gone than she was able to see or realize. The next moment strong arms closed around her from behind, and she was pressed against his armor and hold so firmly that she was barely able to breath.

“I got you.”

“Let go of me!!” Angrily, she tried to throw him off – unsuccessfully.

“No.”

“You have made your decision, Fenris”, she hissed and continued struggling against him. “You turned your back on me, but now that I am broken and at the end, you come back?? Don’t make a fool out of yourself and out of me. I do not need you.”

“You are neither broken, nor at the end, Hawke”, was all he answered, still holding her. "You are mourning."

Damn, suddenly she felt how weak she was. With physical strength she definitely wasn’t able to overcome him, but maybe with psychic?

“What do you know about mourning?? Her voice was sneering. “You have no idea what you are talking about, Fenris. You have never allowed anybody close. So don't fucking tell me that you understand what I feel!!"
"I never said that." How could his voice still sound so soft and patient? "All I say is that I am here now."
And that did it. With a rush all of her remaining energy left her, and she was collapsing in his arms, staring at her blood spattered hands.
"You have no idea how much a hate this city", she eventually whispered. "It has taken everything away from me. It should have been our hope and salvation, but turned out to be the bane of our life. Carver lost his life on the way to reach the city, Bethany when she tried to help me earning a better life for us. All of this somehow made sense. But this.... THIS..." Suddenly a dry sobbing sound came over her lips. "I cannot understand this. I don't know which sense it should have that mother was taken in this way from me." Another sob, although she tried to oppress it. She had not shed a single tear after holding her mother's body in her arms. "I am wondering if the Maker is punishing me. And then I think that he probably doesn't exist and life is just fucked up..."
Fenris was staying silent, neither denying not approving what she said. His embrace was gettig more gentle, and with a sigh she let her head sink against his shoulder, while finally tears were running down her cheeks. "I cannot go back, Fenris", she ended. "I don't know how."
He took his time to speak, but when he did it, she had been able to calm down a bit and was following his voice. How much she had missed it...
"You are right: I cannot say that I have ever experienced what you feel now, but what I know is how loss feels. The loss of something you aren't even able to give a name. For years I wasn't even aware that I was missing it, but then I came to Kirkwall and met you and the others." Hesitating, he continued: "I think I would miss you when you were gone. All of you. Well, maybe Anders not so much, and Merrill... I don't know. But Varric, and Aveline, Isabela... and you." Quieter, he ended: "Especially you. What I want to say is: There is always hope. Always something to care or also worry about. If life was fair, you and I, we both wouldn't be here. But it isn't. And all you can do is to decide if you want to face it, or if you want to back off and run."
A wet chuckle came over her lips. "Look who is talking. Shouldn't you be the one adopting your own advice first?"
There was a short touch of her hair. His lips?
"Maybe I will, Sarah. But I need you to be in Kirkwall to do so."
A strange feeling was rising inside of her. Her tiredness mixed with relieve and the realization that maybe - just maybe - she had not lost everything.
"So you were following me out of selfish reasons?"
"If that makes it easier for you to come home with me", he commented dryly, "I will agree with that ridiculous accusation."
Snorting, she was stroking over her face and got up, looking down on her and realizing for the first time how she looked. "I should take a bath."
"There is waterfall nearby. I can show you..."