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Black-Heart-Always — Nevermore
Published: 2012-08-20 07:01:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 1238; Favourites: 46; Downloads: 0
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I've been feeling really depressded lately and tonight is a really bad night for me, which the depression doesn't help. I've been sitting here thinking of my dog, Pudge, the one that has been gone for 8 months now. It feels just like yesterday since I lost him.I miss him with all that I am and the pain never really seems to ever go away. It affects my daily life. I seem to have become someone else since I lost him. I'm like a puppet these days, being controlled by my depression and despair. Nothing feels right anymore, and I don't seem to have much hope like I used to. But in spite of all that, I somehow keep ticking like a pocket watch forever to linger on without him. His time may have been the one to stop, but I feel as though it was me who died inside.
For the longest time now I haven't been able to even glimpse at any of his photos, nor even think of his name because it brings me an immense sensation of pain that actually aches in my chest, but for some reason I felt the great need to work on this tonight in his honor. I miss him so much. I've seemed to become voided with my personality now, like I don't even have emotions other than those that are negative. I just pray that one day the light will shine again. I know he is in a better place, but I am human and naturally I am selfish on the level that I still miss him dearly.
I just wish he knew that...
Anyway, thank you for looking, I'm not having a pity-party or anything like that, this is just apart of who and how I am now and it's just hard to accept that, I suppose. I have much regret and sadness that fill my heart, but I hope to one day overcome it. It'll just take time, I guess.
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|Tools of the Trade|
-Mouse
-Photoshop elements 6
-My own photography
-About 2 hours
-30+ layers
No critiques please, I am already trying to do the best I can with my given abilities and time.
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Pain, Pudge (Jikan), Image and artwork (c) *Black-Heart-Always
Please do not use without my written consent.
Thank you!
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Comments: 42
Thank you so much, that means more than you will know.
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Loss of anyone you love hurts even if you were only six and it is a small memory. I have found it is always best to remember they don't hurt anymore and one day you will see them again. I wish you happier days and happy holidays.
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Aw, your comment has really touched my heart. Thank you so much for your kindness and thoughtful words. 
I wish you Happy Holidays as well! ^^
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You bet.. Sometimes a warm hug is all that needs to be said.
Been there, done that.
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Awww, Pain I'm sure one day, hopefully soon, the sun will shine again. Just know he's in a better place, and that he wouldn't want you to suffer like this.
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Thank you very much.
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Your very welcome 
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I know it is an awful feeling, and it never goes away, but you aren't alone
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Thank you very much dear, I really appreciate your kind comment.
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Two years ago, I lost two of my three cats. They died within a day of each other. 
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Aw, bless your heart. I am truly very sorry for your own loss, truly I am. Thank you very much for your nice comment, it really means a lot to me.
Listen, if you find that you ever need someone to talk to, even if it is just someone to listen, I'm here for you. 
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Thank you. I will remember that, and you can always talk to me too, if you ever need it.
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I know it is an awful feeling, and it never goes away, but you aren't alone
You honor him with such beautiful art, and I'm sure he know's you loved him with all your heart.
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Thank you very much my dear friend.
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By the way, I love your icon, I meant to tell you that awhile ago, actually.
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I think you did haha but thanks
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I know it hurts sweety
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Thank you my friend. I know I will never actually "get over it," but I know the pain will just slowly become easier to deal with given time. ^^
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hey what are friends for
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Thank you dear, and thank you for that kind note you just sent me, I appreciate it.
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you are so welcome, take it easy~nikki
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Thank you so much my friend.
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Your very welcome Pain
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Wow! Absolutely beautiful! I love all the colors, and the bond with the horse and the dog, you can almost just see it. Truely amazing!
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Thank you veru much dear
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Im so sorry. 
And she has been my constant companion ever since.
People really dont give small breeds, or mutts, or chihuahua's enough credit.
She is the most loyal dog i have ever owned and i honestly find it hard to think about the inevitable as she gets older.
I dont know what i will do as i know i will be in a large amount of pain as you are now, for a very long time.
Not alot of people understand what its like to have such a close bond with an animal.
But from someone who does understand that, i am very, very, sorry.
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Yes, I fully agree with you and not a lot of people understanding the bond of an animal. Some might say "oh well it's just a dog, get a new one!" but it just isn't the same at all, and wouldn't feel right.
Anyway, thank you so much dear, I appreciate your comment. Treasure the time you have with your dog and even in the bad times too.
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After my dog goes, im not used to being without a dog by my side.
So after ofcourse having my time of grieving for her, i dont feel bad about getting another dog.
As it will never take her place, just make its own place.
With all the strays that dont have homes, i think my dog would be proud of me
for taking in a shelter dog or stray and giving it a good home like she had.
Thank for the advice. I will.
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Aww hun I know how you feel, I still mis my dog as well. Everytime I see another one of her breed walking the streets I just choke up and get so sad that I will never see her again. But time does help a little, it still hurts but a the months pass you could say I got used to living without her just like I'm sure you will be able to.
And also the drawing is very beautiful, you did an amazing job on Pudge and Pain also looks gorgeous!
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Thank you very much my dear friend, that is very kind of you.
I can truly relate to that. Every single time I see another Chihuahua walking down the street or on TV, I choke up and become very sad and disheartened. SO I know how you feel.
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I really wish there was somthing I could do for you.
I know how you feel, losing somthing thats very close to you is hard, I had to give my pony away to another girl, and now I have to watch the girl loving My pony, and most the time it just reduces me to tears.
I know thats not 100% the same, but I'm still very much in the dark and find it hard to go about doing things knowing my pony is rapidly falling apart without me and theres nothing I can do.
Anyways, I'll shut up now I don't suppose this is helping you very much. But I know how hard it is, so if you ever want anyone to talk to, I'm here, you can talk to me about anything, I just want to help you feel a little better
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I really appreciate your comment. :hug Thank you very much.
I am very sorry to hear that about your pony, that must be very hard on you. I can only imagine.
I'm here for you if you should ever need me as well.
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Thankyou, so much!
I'll live. I have no choice but too. 
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at all it just seems that you need a friend and I wish I could always be here for you but I have been very
spacey with everyone. I actually haven't legit talked to anyone for a couple days and just reading what you
wrote about such a small itchy dog made me think. I love how when I read your writing it sets me a thinking
and makes me appreciate what I have and wants me to share it with you because of how similar we are, remember
soul sisters forever <3. I know I don't always reply to you and it hurts me alot when I can't but always know that
I love you and I am always here and you are always in my thoughts and I brag about how awesome you are to
the people I am around because I want to share how amazing you are to everyone, not just me and the people
who know and love you now, pfft, long comment is long but just so you know... I freaking love you, no matter what,
and threw all the stuff you have been threw and the things I have gone threw, we are pretty tough girls
keep your head up, you are beautiful and as far as I am concerned you are to amazing to be sad, everyone loves
your smile, so show it more often, I garentee you will feel somewhat better, because knowing you are happy,
brightens my day up so much more then you can imagen <3 keep that in mind
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Aw, your comment has touched me beyond words. That is the nicest thing you have ever said, and you say a lot of really nice things to me.
You are such a wonderful friend, I feel so very blessed that I have you in my life. Soul sisters forever my friend!
It is very hard, yes, and despite the fact that we was but a mere dog, he certainly has changed my life in ways I never thought possible. It truly scares me to even slightly touch upon the thought of ever losing my horse G, I know for a fact that it would kill me. So losing my dog was just a small taste of that. I hope that one day things will get better, though I truly would have thought after 8 months now it would have, even if it was just a little bit, but it hasn't. I've become so different now and not in a good way either. I'm just a void in life since all this has happen, I feel. And it's not all just about him, so much has went on since then that a lot of you don't even know about, so it also doesn't help with the way that I feel either. But I know that I have phenomenal friends like you that love me and I love you all just as equally, and just knowing that I have you guys means so much to me and helps me not to feel as alone.
I am truly grateful to you and to everyone I know, friends on here, friends from afar, and my family who are all such wonderful and gracious people. I wish the appreciation and love I feel for you guys could amount to some very special to each of you, like a giant present that I could give in return for all of the kindness that I have been shown.
Anyway, thank you with all of my heart, you are a wonderful friend and I thank you for it.
Love ya!
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That is long, I can't match that longness but
just so you know I LOVE YOU
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