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BlackBirdInk — Thoughts and reflections_001
#reflections #thoughts #autobiographical
Published: 2016-05-16 21:40:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 624; Favourites: 48; Downloads: 3
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Just something I felt like getting out on (digital) paper.Don't comment and say other artists are also dealing with shit. I know this
It just feels this way at times.
I see all this great art and posts of cats and adventures and loves and life!
While I'm still gasping for breath on some days. Its only been a year since we moved here and much less since the move into this house.
EVERYDAY I marvel at being here. There is always something that catches my eye out the window! The weird adventures of birds. The prowling cats nesting in the long grass, hiding from the wind.
The light off the hills, the light off the rooftops, the clouds, the rain, the sunsets.
Everything is a marvel after six to seven years of poison. (well some of the poison goes as far back as I can recall)
I'm so thankful and blessed to be here.
This does not mean the affects of all those years could be shrugged off and left behind, oh but don't I wish it could.
I would like a remedy, and elixir and a potion, please. On the rocks
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Comments: 16
Just wanted to leave a thank you to all of the people who left a comment here and to the lovely artist as well of course. It's so nice to see encouragement and just happy little thoughts on this heavy topic. Really appreciate it. (i do feel the effort - it seems as older as i get the more the habits kick in whenever I try to choose an unknown path; but it wouldn't be my life if it wasn't me who made the decisions. So just keep going even if it's only one babystep a day)
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I know how that feels 
About toxic enviroments, I know that feeling to. Beacuse Im having no job right now I have to live in my small hometown that is one of the most boring and pathetic places on earth. It`s not a inspiring place to be here but I have not so much choice. My family lives here (thank god) and I love them but I`m trying to find a job and a new apartment outside this boring, ugly town but it`s not easy these days.
If I hadn`t my art and writing I would go mad!
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Everything you've just said sound so familiar! That was me in my mom's hometown. And it felt like it would NEVER end. The only way through it turned out to be through it. It wasn't of my own belief or my own doing, time came and life took a turn.
now i'm just dealing with the aftermath within myself.
I hope things come around for you! strange opportunities come out of nowhere sometimes. Keep an eye out!
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My summer-job is starting soon and I will be working at the westcoast of Sweden in a tourist town. The town is small but it`s close to the sea and has much more to give both in Beauty, culture and entertainment.
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***sends a box of virtual-cookies. guaranteed to be literally as good as you can imagine!***
Yeah. Took me years to settle the emotional turmoil of being co-caretaker of my terminally ill Mother... and that wasn't even abuse or anything, just traumatic. There may not be a remedy or elixir, but sometimes cookies help 
Dunno if it helps, but on your sad days, know that there is a random Canadian out here in the great wide internets who wishes you well.
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Thank you random Canadian!
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I still live in a toxic environment. I was never that prolific to begin with, but then I stopped making the art I liked doing altogether. I can't say it'll get better, because I can't believe that for myself. Only that this piece resonates with me, so thank you for creating it.
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I've never felt prolific. My sketch books are always less full, I go through them slower then everyone around me, back in college.
And my environment was always partly toxic but since I grew up in it, it was really hard to know that because hey that's how things had always been. Nothing overly dramatic, just a steady slow drip of poison into an innocent ear.
Then we moved into a place where EVERYTHING felt horrible and wrong. Not just parts of home life but all of it, and it just went on and on. six years felt like forever and while you're in it, its hard to believe or even imagine anything better.
In winter, summer is a lie.
always loved this bit
"Love is a myth," Grandfather Trout said. "Like summer."
"What?"
"In winter," Grandfather Trout said, "summer is a myth. A report, a rumor. Not to be believed in. Get it? Love is a myth. So is summer."
~Little, Big by John Crowley.
Anyway, I don't think you have to believe in it in order for things to change. It just will feel like being stuck in bimbo, in hell. unending.
And during that time, it was SO hard to do art. But at the same time, art was the only thing that felt like it kept me sane.
Keep holding on. Fight back to protect your mind and your heart. With art and books and any good thing you have. You dont have to believe in it, you just have to survive long enough for time to pass and life to shift and change, as life does.
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You are one of the most prolific artists I've ever met. I don't know if that makes you feel any better, but I'm in constant awe of you. I'm sorry for your gray days. I hope they are few and far between and manageable when they come.
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Hey. I was bullied as a child. I had a really rough life. For many years, I was NOT in a healthy state of being. But I actually DID move into a healthy environment. And let me tell you, that in itself was not enough to get me happy again. I had to have my parents force me out of my comfort zone one step at a time. I became comfortable with more and more things. And the more I was okay with, the happier I was. It was a crazy and challenging ride, but now I'm very happy. Look, what I'm saying is, get out there and try new things. Don't let this sadness lock you up inside. Let yourself be free to do whatever you want. You may have to force yourself to do a few things, but that's okay. In the end, you'll be a much happier person. Please, do more than just read this. Follow his advice. Have a lovely day.
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I live by the motto "comparing yourself to others is the surest way to become unhappy" and thus do my best to compare myself only with myself.
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I read somewhere that we tend to compare our blooper reels with other peoples best-of reels. I try to remind myself of it, but sometimes it's not easy.
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