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Description
The Funeral

I still hadn't figured out my money problems when dark rolled around and I had to head off to work. Realizing that I hadn't eaten I made sure to stop in a store for a few minutes. I knew that my dancing was suffering because of how distracted I was. I didn't get too many tips but I was only doing drinks and tables.

Mrs. C found me in the crowd and pulled me to the side. She told me how much of a success my dance was and already set up another performance for me. The idea of reliving that night made me want to scream but I thought of the money I'd have to come up with. A little regretful, I accepted her offer and went back to work.

At 3:00am I walked back to the park; it seemed to be my home for the moment. I desperately wanted to take a shower but I'd have to wait till I got to school. I tossed and turned in the backseat where I lay down but the contract was bugging me. Sighing I sat up and tried to work it out again by the light of the lamppost. I didn't realize how much time had passed until the sky started to lighten. I knew that I wouldn't wake up in time for school and groaned aloud. An all-nighter was not what I needed to deal with right now.

Accepting my fate I simply worked on the figures for a while longer before my stomach was too painful to ignore. I got breakfast at a grocery store before going to school early to take a much-needed shower. Because I had so much extra time I was early to drawing class, but I just sat down and tried to work on my paper.

Their funeral is today, I thought quietly, sadly. I didn't even have a dress. I'd have to run to pick something up after school as quickly as I could. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice when the twins took their seats next to me.

"Damn Shay, you look terrible," Hikaru said as he looked at me, head in his hand casually. I jumped and looked up at him, startled.

"Yeah, aren't you lucky we have the rest of the week off; you really need it," Kaoru commented on the other side.

"What?" was the only thing I said. "What d'you mean, the rest of the week off?"

Their shrugs were perfectly mirrored. "Some faculty meeting or something. We don't really know, but it's when we've planned our birthday party with the Host Club."

"Which, by the way-," Hikaru said.

"-You should come to," Kaoru finished.

Before I had time to counter, they held up their hands to stop me. "No, you don't have to get us anything, and if you don't want to drive then we'll send someone to get you. But you're coming," they said with finality in their voices.

Oh shit, I remembered, dumbfounded. My birthday's coming up, too. I almost forgot. I thought about turning the twins down but figured it was no use. "Okay, sure. And I'll drive." There was no way I'd give them the chance to see my house. "What day, time, and what're we gonna be doing?"

They visibly brightened and I smiled a little too; it felt good that I could make others happy even if I wasn't doing too well myself. "We're going to go to one of Kyoya's family's resorts as his present to us!" they said excitedly.

I looked at them, a little confused. "Resort? What is this, some sort of fancy expensive spa or something?"

"Actually, yes." I put a hand to my head, disgruntled. Of course that's what rich people give as presents – passes to something ridiculously expensive and pointless. But I had to admit that going to a spa sounded really incredible.

"Great, sounds good," I smiled at them. They returned the cautious grins.

"It's Wednesday through Friday," Kaoru told me.

"Come over whenever Wednesday, but we're gonna try to have everyone at our house by five," Hikaru said.

"Wait, Wednesday through Friday? How long are we staying at the spa for?"

"Oh, only a few days," the twins replied. "The rest of the club has things to do over the weekend, but we think it worked out pretty well."

I felt another wave of irritation roll over me. Not only are they going to a spa, but they're going for a few days. Rich people are a different species, I swear.

"You'll still be able to come though, right?"

I pulled my hand from my face and put on a happy smile. "Yeah, of course. Maybe I can even pull together a present for you two."

They seemed a little shocked at the smile, but weren't put off by it. Class continued and I tried my best to make them happy. I didn't want to be a drag during their birthday party so I might as well start being entertaining now.

When lunch came around I felt like I could actually eat a normal meal. I sat with the twins and talked for a few minutes until I got attacked by a blonde-topped blob.

"Ahh!" I yelled in surprise more than anything as Tamaki attached himself to my arm like a leech. "Ahh! What's wrong, what'd I do?!" I cried.

I was even more surprised as he looked up at me with shining eyes, like someone had just gotten done yelling at him for something he wasn't guilty of. It threw me off so much I couldn't say anything.

"I'm so sorry," he whimpered. I felt ice slice through my stomach and my face turned hard. I didn't want any more sympathy for my parents, and what Tamaki was doing was incredibly inappropriate.

"I had no idea that your parents would be so mad about us coming over!" he practically screamed in my face, and I was thrown off again. What? "I feel so terrible that you got in trouble because of us! Please let us come by and try to make it up to them. I don't want you to be paying for having us over at your wonderful home!!"

Oh!, I realized. He's upset about what I told the twins yesterday. I glanced up at the auburn heads to confirm it but they pointedly kept their eyes away from me. I turned back to Tamaki and put on a smile. "That's okay don't worry about it! There's nothing you can do, and besides they already made up their minds."

Tamaki seemed to get even sadder. "But that's why I feel so bad! I can't do anything, and it's our fault!"

I shook my head firmly. "No, really don't worry about it. They just told me not to have anyone over, so they're mad at me. It's not your fault at all. And coming by won't do anything, just make them a little more irritated I think," I trailed off. I wasn't going to have them all show up at my burned house. Talk about a nightmare, I groaned.

A memory sparked in my head and I gasped a little, shaking loose of the clingy Tamaki. "Hey, that reminds me you guys," I said as I looked around the table, noticing that Kyoya had sat down when Tamaki came by. They all looked up, a little surprised by my urgency. "I have something to go to right after soccer, so I won't be able to stop by. Don't worry though; I'll still be at your house in time for your birthday."

The Hitachiins smiled happily, but Tamaki's face seemed to fall slightly at my mention of not coming by. I shook him off a little more and got back to my food. A few minutes later I was attacked by another blonde, this one shorter, who also was crying about how sorry he was. I gave Honey the same excuse I told Tamaki. Honey seemed to recover much faster than Tamaki as he sat down gleefully to devour his cake.

-X-

The dress was a simple V-neck with short sleeves, falling down to a few inches above my knees. There was a thin band sewn in under the bust to give form to the wearer but I didn't really care. And of course, it was black.

I'd had no shoes to go with it other than my clunky running shoes so I'd just gone barefoot in the soft grass of the cemetery. Despite being a place to bury the dead, it was well kept and rather cheery in my opinion, especially on such a bright sunny summer day.

It hadn't been much of a ceremony. The man was already there when I parked my car. I took the bag of ash from my house out of the trunk and brought it with me. He said a few noble words before directing me to pour the ash into the ground. I felt so pathetic, laying my parents into the ground as a small handful of ash. My throat burned as I covered them up and the headstone was set on the overturned earth.

It wasn't much bigger than both of my hands put together. It simply stated my parents names, when they were born and died, and Loving husband, wife, and parents. It was simple and to the point – exactly what my parents would want. I felt a strange sure of happiness that I would still be making them proud at my decisions for them even after their passing.

The man – I had no idea what his title was, or if he even had one – told me how sorry he was and that he would miss them dearly. He had worked in the same building as my dad for a few years and they'd become friends, but I didn't know if he really remembered my family. I gave him a small smile and thanked him as he walked away.

When he was gone I sat down in front of the headstone. I had chosen this spot because the rosebushes concealed me from the street, so I wouldn't have to worry about anyone seeing me.

I smiled down at my parents as I tucked a strand of drying hair behind my ear, the rings tingling slightly. "I can't believe you guys are gone," I whispered with a sad smile on my lips. "It doesn't even feel like it. It's like you've just gone on another business trip and took the house with you. Guess the return dinner won't be for a while, huh?" I gave a sad, quiet laugh.

I kept talking to them, telling them all my worries about school and money and even my job that I'd hidden from them. It felt so good to let them know everything, but every time I looked at their carved names it felt like the knife in my stomach went in just a little more. I moved on to tell them how sorry I was that I couldn't save them, and how much I missed them, and how I wished I could've said more than just "goodnight mom, dad. Love you," as my last words to them.

Sobs started to wrack my body and I curled up on the ground next to them. I tried to keep myself quiet so as to not bring attention to my hiding spot in the cemetery. I never cried around other people, though the night of the fire had been an exception. Even my first day working at the club I had kept it bottled up till I was back in my bed at home.

I stared at the headstone and tried to quiet myself as a part of a song came to mind. The lyrics had nothing to do with my situation, but it seemed fitting for now.

"Dark blue, dark blue," I just barely whispered. I tried to be a little louder, my lips trembling as I sang. "Have you . . . ever been alone in a crowded room, well I'm . . . here with you . . . I said, the world could be burnin'-!" My voice broke on the word but I kept going. "And there's nothing but dark blue . . . dark blue. . ." My lungs shook as I held the note and I knew I couldn't keep my tears at bay much longer.

But now I let everything out. It felt so good to cry and let everything go, and with each sob exhaustion seeped through my body to penetrate my bones. Once I had cried all the tears I could, I stayed down on the grass with my hand curled around the headstone.

I was much too tired to talk anymore, but I thought about all the memories we'd had. I thought about all the times they made me laugh and cry and get angry. Every now and then I would smile or chuckle at a particularly funny memory before the sore hollowness settled back in. The sun warming my body as I lay on the grass, I found myself slowly drifting off to sleep. After so long without it I didn't fight the darkness as it tried to claim my mind.

-X-

Description
The Funeral

I still hadn't figured out my money problems when dark rolled around and I had to head off to work. Realizing that I hadn't eaten I made sure to stop in a store for a few minutes. I knew that my dancing was suffering because of how distracted I was. I didn't get too many tips but I was only doing drinks and tables.

Mrs. C found me in the crowd and pulled me to the side. She told me how much of a success my dance was and already set up another performance for me. The idea of reliving that night made me want to scream but I thought of the money I'd have to come up with. A little regretful, I accepted her offer and went back to work.

At 3:00am I walked back to the park; it seemed to be my home for the moment. I desperately wanted to take a shower but I'd have to wait till I got to school. I tossed and turned in the backseat where I lay down but the contract was bugging me. Sighing I sat up and tried to work it out again by the light of the lamppost. I didn't realize how much time had passed until the sky started to lighten. I knew that I wouldn't wake up in time for school and groaned aloud. An all-nighter was not what I needed to deal with right now.

Accepting my fate I simply worked on the figures for a while longer before my stomach was too painful to ignore. I got breakfast at a grocery store before going to school early to take a much-needed shower. Because I had so much extra time I was early to drawing class, but I just sat down and tried to work on my paper.

Their funeral is today, I thought quietly, sadly. I didn't even have a dress. I'd have to run to pick something up after school as quickly as I could. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice when the twins took their seats next to me.

"Damn Shay, you look terrible," Hikaru said as he looked at me, head in his hand casually. I jumped and looked up at him, startled.

"Yeah, aren't you lucky we have the rest of the week off; you really need it," Kaoru commented on the other side.

"What?" was the only thing I said. "What d'you mean, the rest of the week off?"

Their shrugs were perfectly mirrored. "Some faculty meeting or something. We don't really know, but it's when we've planned our birthday party with the Host Club."

"Which, by the way-," Hikaru said.

"-You should come to," Kaoru finished.

Before I had time to counter, they held up their hands to stop me. "No, you don't have to get us anything, and if you don't want to drive then we'll send someone to get you. But you're coming," they said with finality in their voices.

Oh shit, I remembered, dumbfounded. My birthday's coming up, too. I almost forgot. I thought about turning the twins down but figured it was no use. "Okay, sure. And I'll drive." There was no way I'd give them the chance to see my house. "What day, time, and what're we gonna be doing?"

They visibly brightened and I smiled a little too; it felt good that I could make others happy even if I wasn't doing too well myself. "We're going to go to one of Kyoya's family's resorts as his present to us!" they said excitedly.

I looked at them, a little confused. "Resort? What is this, some sort of fancy expensive spa or something?"

"Actually, yes." I put a hand to my head, disgruntled. Of course that's what rich people give as presents – passes to something ridiculously expensive and pointless. But I had to admit that going to a spa sounded really incredible.

"Great, sounds good," I smiled at them. They returned the cautious grins.

"It's Wednesday through Friday," Kaoru told me.

"Come over whenever Wednesday, but we're gonna try to have everyone at our house by five," Hikaru said.

"Wait, Wednesday through Friday? How long are we staying at the spa for?"

"Oh, only a few days," the twins replied. "The rest of the club has things to do over the weekend, but we think it worked out pretty well."

I felt another wave of irritation roll over me. Not only are they going to a spa, but they're going for a few days. Rich people are a different species, I swear.

"You'll still be able to come though, right?"

I pulled my hand from my face and put on a happy smile. "Yeah, of course. Maybe I can even pull together a present for you two."

They seemed a little shocked at the smile, but weren't put off by it. Class continued and I tried my best to make them happy. I didn't want to be a drag during their birthday party so I might as well start being entertaining now.

When lunch came around I felt like I could actually eat a normal meal. I sat with the twins and talked for a few minutes until I got attacked by a blonde-topped blob.

"Ahh!" I yelled in surprise more than anything as Tamaki attached himself to my arm like a leech. "Ahh! What's wrong, what'd I do?!" I cried.

I was even more surprised as he looked up at me with shining eyes, like someone had just gotten done yelling at him for something he wasn't guilty of. It threw me off so much I couldn't say anything.

"I'm so sorry," he whimpered. I felt ice slice through my stomach and my face turned hard. I didn't want any more sympathy for my parents, and what Tamaki was doing was incredibly inappropriate.

"I had no idea that your parents would be so mad about us coming over!" he practically screamed in my face, and I was thrown off again. What? "I feel so terrible that you got in trouble because of us! Please let us come by and try to make it up to them. I don't want you to be paying for having us over at your wonderful home!!"

Oh!, I realized. He's upset about what I told the twins yesterday. I glanced up at the auburn heads to confirm it but they pointedly kept their eyes away from me. I turned back to Tamaki and put on a smile. "That's okay don't worry about it! There's nothing you can do, and besides they already made up their minds."

Tamaki seemed to get even sadder. "But that's why I feel so bad! I can't do anything, and it's our fault!"

I shook my head firmly. "No, really don't worry about it. They just told me not to have anyone over, so they're mad at me. It's not your fault at all. And coming by won't do anything, just make them a little more irritated I think," I trailed off. I wasn't going to have them all show up at my burned house. Talk about a nightmare, I groaned.

A memory sparked in my head and I gasped a little, shaking loose of the clingy Tamaki. "Hey, that reminds me you guys," I said as I looked around the table, noticing that Kyoya had sat down when Tamaki came by. They all looked up, a little surprised by my urgency. "I have something to go to right after soccer, so I won't be able to stop by. Don't worry though; I'll still be at your house in time for your birthday."

The Hitachiins smiled happily, but Tamaki's face seemed to fall slightly at my mention of not coming by. I shook him off a little more and got back to my food. A few minutes later I was attacked by another blonde, this one shorter, who also was crying about how sorry he was. I gave Honey the same excuse I told Tamaki. Honey seemed to recover much faster than Tamaki as he sat down gleefully to devour his cake.

-X-

The dress was a simple V-neck with short sleeves, falling down to a few inches above my knees. There was a thin band sewn in under the bust to give form to the wearer but I didn't really care. And of course, it was black.

I'd had no shoes to go with it other than my clunky running shoes so I'd just gone barefoot in the soft grass of the cemetery. Despite being a place to bury the dead, it was well kept and rather cheery in my opinion, especially on such a bright sunny summer day.

It hadn't been much of a ceremony. The man was already there when I parked my car. I took the bag of ash from my house out of the trunk and brought it with me. He said a few noble words before directing me to pour the ash into the ground. I felt so pathetic, laying my parents into the ground as a small handful of ash. My throat burned as I covered them up and the headstone was set on the overturned earth.

It wasn't much bigger than both of my hands put together. It simply stated my parents names, when they were born and died, and Loving husband, wife, and parents. It was simple and to the point – exactly what my parents would want. I felt a strange sure of happiness that I would still be making them proud at my decisions for them even after their passing.

The man – I had no idea what his title was, or if he even had one – told me how sorry he was and that he would miss them dearly. He had worked in the same building as my dad for a few years and they'd become friends, but I didn't know if he really remembered my family. I gave him a small smile and thanked him as he walked away.

When he was gone I sat down in front of the headstone. I had chosen this spot because the rosebushes concealed me from the street, so I wouldn't have to worry about anyone seeing me.

I smiled down at my parents as I tucked a strand of drying hair behind my ear, the rings tingling slightly. "I can't believe you guys are gone," I whispered with a sad smile on my lips. "It doesn't even feel like it. It's like you've just gone on another business trip and took the house with you. Guess the return dinner won't be for a while, huh?" I gave a sad, quiet laugh.

I kept talking to them, telling them all my worries about school and money and even my job that I'd hidden from them. It felt so good to let them know everything, but every time I looked at their carved names it felt like the knife in my stomach went in just a little more. I moved on to tell them how sorry I was that I couldn't save them, and how much I missed them, and how I wished I could've said more than just "goodnight mom, dad. Love you," as my last words to them.

Sobs started to wrack my body and I curled up on the ground next to them. I tried to keep myself quiet so as to not bring attention to my hiding spot in the cemetery. I never cried around other people, though the night of the fire had been an exception. Even my first day working at the club I had kept it bottled up till I was back in my bed at home.

I stared at the headstone and tried to quiet myself as a part of a song came to mind. The lyrics had nothing to do with my situation, but it seemed fitting for now.

"Dark blue, dark blue," I just barely whispered. I tried to be a little louder, my lips trembling as I sang. "Have you . . . ever been alone in a crowded room, well I'm . . . here with you . . . I said, the world could be burnin'-!" My voice broke on the word but I kept going. "And there's nothing but dark blue . . . dark blue. . ." My lungs shook as I held the note and I knew I couldn't keep my tears at bay much longer.

But now I let everything out. It felt so good to cry and let everything go, and with each sob exhaustion seeped through my body to penetrate my bones. Once I had cried all the tears I could, I stayed down on the grass with my hand curled around the headstone.

I was much too tired to talk anymore, but I thought about all the memories we'd had. I thought about all the times they made me laugh and cry and get angry. Every now and then I would smile or chuckle at a particularly funny memory before the sore hollowness settled back in. The sun warming my body as I lay on the grass, I found myself slowly drifting off to sleep. After so long without it I didn't fight the darkness as it tried to claim my mind.

-X-