orb-gettarr [2004-12-23 23:21:51 +0000 UTC]
this shows an ability to verbalise powerful images, which is important to any writer who hopes to capture the attention of an audience...
however, it seems as if the names you chose for the characters are a bit too contemporary- they should fit more with the scenario you present..
the writing style reminds me a bit of William Burroughs, and his Martian Chronicles, where women were viewed as objects and property, to be tamed and owned by men...
my only real suggestion for this piece- change the character names to more accurately reflect the world you are conveying with your writing style- unless, of course, they are characters that have been 'snatched' from our contemporary reality..
👍: 0 ⏩: 1