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bloodtaintedink — What's Going On?
Published: 2005-10-20 03:27:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 49; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description
I'm tiredBut I can't sleep
I'm hungry
But I can't eat
What is wrong with me?
Why have I changed so much?
Why can't anything stay the same?
I don't want to be like this
But it's just how I am
I'm sad
But I can't cry
I'm thirsty
But I can't drink
This is really bad
I can't seem to stop it
It's so seemingly uncontrollable
Somebody help me
Somebody come to my rescue
Somebody save me...
Comments: 2
this is a wonderful, if unfinished, piece of writing. i like your chorus, i like the repitition and the contrast of ideas. but you have more to say. and you can say it better.
"This is really bad/I can't seem to stop it"? you can be more exact than that. refine it. don't write something that i will like, write something that i will love! write something that will pull me out of my seat. i can feel the emotion pushing at the back of this, it has the potential. now show it to me.
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thank you so very much for the advise...^_^
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