HOME | DD
bobtffdddd — King Kong vs donkey, Kong episode 2
Published: 2024-03-16 14:43:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 2879; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Donkey Kong Country VS the Monsterverse! The iconic OG Kongs of gaming and cinema battle it out to see who is really king of the jungle!Interlude
(Cue Death Battle Theme)
Wiz: Films and video games have become synonymous with modern pop culture, and it's funny how we owe a lot of that fact to two jungle-dwelling big apes-
Boomstick: KONGS, WIZ! KONGS! Show some respect for these guys! We've got Donkey Kong, the ground-pounding protector of the banana hoard!
Wiz: And King Kong, the kaiju king of Skull Island.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win...a DEATH BATTLE.
Donkey Kong
(Cue Donkey Kong Country Title Theme)
Wiz: Years ago, tragedy struck New Donk City when a woman named Pauline was kidnapped by the rogue giant ape known as Donkey Kong.
Boomstick: There's definitely some weird translation nonsense going on with that name...I'm on to you Miyamoto...
Wiz: Donkey Kong climbed to the top of a construction site with Pauline in tow. Who knows what would have happened if a certain red plumber everyone knows all too well didn't stop him.
Boomstick: I dunno, maybe he would have shook her too hard.
Wiz: Well, after his defeat at the hands of Mario, DK went on to have a son, Donkey Kong Jr., and took on the name Cranky Kong.
Boomstick: Yeah, and then that guy up and disappeared after he had his son, also named Donkey Kong. I know the feel, little guy. Not the being named Donkey Kong part, sucks to be you for that, haha!
Wiz: Now residing on Donkey Kong Island, Cranky and DK, along with many other Kongs like DK's sidekick Diddy, their laid-back surfer friend Funky, and....Candy Kong.....
Boomstick: I feel so many different emotions looking at that thing right now.
Wiz: Unfortunately, Donkey Kong Island isn't always peaceful. Its supply of bananas and lush jungles are ripe for taking by villains, including ancient tikis, viking walruses, and most commonly, the race of green crocodiles known as Kremlings led by King K. Rool.
Boomstick: Yeah, it only took that guy like 20 years to get in Smash, real formidable foe you got there DK.
Wiz: With a giant hoard of bananas and a cavalcade of Kongs to protect from all sorts of threats, DK definitely looks like he has his work cut out for him.
Boomstick: Well, he would, if he wasn't 800 pounds of pure freakin' monkey muscle!
(Cue Jungle Hijinks)
Wiz: If there's one thing DK's known for past his barrel tossing, banana addiction, and bad internet memes, it would have to be his incredible strength.
Boomstick: BANANAAAAA SLAMMAAAAAA!!!
Donkey kong analysis
Wiz: In addition to being able to jump, climb, and swing like most other primates, Donkey Kong's gorilla-like physique makes him one of Nintendo's heaviest hitters. Beyond just basic punches, kicks, and headbutts, DK has tons of special techniques that put his strength to use.
Boomstick: He can knock opponents to their feet with his Hand Slap attack, crush them with his own weight by rolling in to them, wind up his fist to unleash the devastating Giant Punch, and do a mid-air Butt Smash called the Simian Slam!
Wiz: By clapping or beating his chest, he can send out sound wave attacks, and he can unleash an incredibly fast barrage of punches with his Jungle Rush technique.
Boomstick: DK's done some pretty crazy stuff with his old reliable monkey mashers, like uppercutting King K. Rool through the roof of his base to the bottom of a mountain, punching a huge Walrus guy in to the ocean and basically causing a tsunami, punching so fast this his fists light on fire, and knocking a moon bigger than his whole island outta orbit!
Wiz: DK doesn't leave all the work to his muscles though. He has a Coconut Shooter (more popularly known as the Coconut Gun) that fires coconuts in spurts, as well as Orange Grenades to go with it.
Boomstick: Deadly, but they'll cure your scurvy!
Wiz: He has a set of Bongos that can send out omnidirectional waves of powerful sound to damage all surrounding enemies, which he learned how to do from Candy Kong.
Boomstick: I'd like her to teach me how to play with some bongos! Or not. Yeah preferably not, actually....
Wiz: And we can't forget one of the most important part of the whole DK franchise, his barrels.
Boomstick: Yep, he can throw or roll wooden barrels across the ground to smush crocodiles, plumbers, and my hopes of beer being in any of 'em...
Wiz: But the most powerful part of his arsenal are his Crystal Coconuts, which can turn him in to Strong Kong, where he becomes stronger and invulnerable.
Boomstick: As soon as he runs out of Crystal Coconuts though, he just goes back to being a normal strong Kong, without a capital s.
Wiz: Donkey Kong is not without his shortcomings. Despite being more intelligent than any gorilla you'd find in real life, he's still a bit dimwitted.
Boomstick: Yeah, while he doesn't pull his punches, he's not exactly pulling much brains in that monkey skull of his compared to some of the other Kongs.
Wiz: But when it comes to saving bananas, DK brings more than enough brawn to the table, along some surprisingly nice-looking stylish red ties.
Donkey Kong: D? K? D! K! DON-KEY-KONG!!
King Kong
(Cue Man Vs. Beast)
Wiz: Long ago, on the mysterious Skull Island, an island with a strange connection to the hollow creature-filled insides of the Earth, there lived a race of huge ape creatures, dubbed "Titanus Kongs."
Boomstick: These guys basically ruled the island and kept all the other giant monsters in check. Well, that is until a bunch of creepy freakin' lizards called Skullcrawlers (I'm writin' that name down) killed all but one of 'em.
Wiz: That sole surviving Kong grew up over the course of many, many years, trying to keep the peace on the island and becoming the "god" of a tribe of humans.
Boomstick: Well, more like their king.
Wiz: In the 70's, the Titan (aka kaiju) research group Monarch sent a team to seek out Skull Island. Thanks to a storm, they were left stranded there, and soon came face to face with all of the island's monsters, including Kong.
Boomstick: After some Skullcrawler fights, damsel in distress-saving, and Samuel L. Jackson squishing, Monarch left the island full of Kong knowledge and ready to move on to more scaly, radiation-powered matters.
Wiz: Over 50 years, Kong grew to be even larger, and soon was big enough to be a worthy opponent for none other than Godzilla.
Boomstick: Which still seems kinda bullshit to me but at least we got a cool movie out of it!
Wiz: Kong might have lost 2 of his 3 rounds with Godzilla, but he still put up a good fight, and even managed to help take down Mechagodzilla.
Boomstick: Ok, now I'm sure everyone not in the know is curious...HOW DID A HUGE APE MANAGE TO WIN EVEN ONE ROUND AGAINST GODZILLA?
(Cue The Royal Axe)
Wiz: Kong is more formidable than he may look at first glance to fans of other kaiju.
King kong analysis
Boomstick: For starters, as of Godzilla VS Kong, the dude's 335 feet tall and weighs over 50,000 tons!
Wiz: Kong's physiology gives him immense strength, being able to take on Godzilla, Mechagodzilla, and Skullcrawlers as we've said, along with effortlessly taking down helicopters and gigantic squids. He also possesses sharp teeth along with a small healing-factor.
Boomstick: And being an ape, he can still climb and swing on things despite being, ya know, skyscraper sized. I don't even wanna see how many laws of physics that breaks.
Wiz: Kong demonstrates some level of human-like intelligence, being able to understand basic sign language and even knock his arm back in to his socket after his battle with Godzilla. This translates in to combat as well. He can unleash devastating techniques like his iconic Jaw Breaker where he rips an opponent in half from their jaw.
Boomstick: He can use his environment to create weapons for combat, like taking the branches off a tree to use it as a staff, using a chain from a boat to snatch a Skullcrawler Mortal Combat style, and using boulders and buildings as, uh, smashy things.
Wiz: Of course, these pale in comparison to his axe, created by his ancestors from a gigantic bone and a dorsal fin from a member of Godzilla's species.
Boomstick: It can be powered up when it's filled with radiation and it's sharp enough to cut through Mechagodzilla!
Wiz: Without a source of radiation to refuel it however, its power will eventually fade.
Boomstick: Y'know Wiz, how come this whole time, we haven't brought up this guy climbing to the top of a building with a lady in his hands while swatting down airplanes?
Wiz: Well, that's because this version of Kong hasn't done that at all. He's kind of done all of those things individually, at least, if that's good enough for you?
Boomstick: NO! THEY HAD ONE JOB, WIZ, AND THEY FAILED! I'M GOING BACK TO THE 3 HOUR LONG PETER JACKSON ONE! OR I'LL GET BORED AND COME BACK! WHICHEVER COMES FIRST!
Wiz: ....5....4....3....2....1....
Boomstick: Ok, I'm back. Not enough Godzilla fighting in that one. This guy's way cooler.
King Kong: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!
Intermission/Pre-Fight
(Cue Death Battle Theme)
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. We've run the data through all possibilities.
Boomstick: And now, it's time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!
(Cue The Atoll)
The camera opens up on a palm tree in the middle of DK Island during sunset. It begins to shake, and drops a banana down which is grabbed by a large open palm.
Donkey Kong: Hoohoo!
DK squeezes the banana out of its peel and in to his mouth and happily chews down on it. As he's about to punch another one down, the ground shakes and he falls down on to his back. As he gets back up, he scratches his head and looks around.
Donkey Kong: Hmm?
Many helicopters fly overhead, all of them attached to a now-empty net. As they fly out of view, DK walks forward to investigate until he reaches the river, where all of a sudden he is nearly crushed by a giant fist. He looks up and is greeted with an ape bigger than Chunky and Funky combined...in fact, way bigger than every Kong combined.
Donkey Kong: Guh...?
King Kong lifts himself up and looks around. He grunts and grabs a handful of water that he lifts towards his mouth, completely dousing DK in the process.
DK: ...
DK shakes his fur, walks over, winds up his fist, and punches King Kong in the leg.
(Music stops)
Kong notices a slight stinging pain and looks down at the barely visible banana-hoarder.
Donkey Kong: OOKOOKOOK!
DK's jumps up and down angrily at Kong. Kong slowly looks down until eventually his head is near DK. The two Kongs briefly stare at each other, until Kong opens up his mouth.
King Kong: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
DK, now blasted away by around half a mile and covered in spit, looks back and sees an angry King Kong ready to rumble.
ADVERTISEMENT
FIGHT!
Donkey kong vs king kong fight
(Play Gang-Plank Galleon)
DK gets his game face on and starts running on all fours towards his opponent. Kong picks up chunks of terrain and throws them at DK. DK jumps out of the way of the projectiles and finally makes his way back to Kong. He crouches and then leaps out, reeling his fist back.
Donkey Kong: RRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHEEEEEEAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
DK punches Kong to little effect. He opens his eyes wide open and blinks a few times.
Donkey Kong: Ook...!
DK then furrows his brow again and follows it up with a barrage of slaps, kicks, and more punches. Kong brings his hand down to DK and flicks him back down to the ground. DK recovers and pulls out one of his iconic barrels. He lifts it above his head and launches it at Kong.
Donkey Kong: HRAH!
The barrel shatters in to dozens of splinters of wood against Kong's skin and fur. Kong growls, more annoyed than hurt, and lifts his fist up to punch DK, but soon realizes DK has disappeared.
King Kong: Hrrrg...
Meanwhile, DK is putting his Jungle Climber skills to use and is making his way up the back of Kong's leg. DK grabs a little too hard and Kong notices the pest. Kong lifts his leg and tries to shake him off, but DK uses the newfound angle to run up Kong's body, dodging the kaiju's hands along the way. DK reaches his head and starts jumping around, pulling on his hair, Hand Slapping down on his head, and just trying his best to do some damage.
King Kong: RAAHHHHHHH!
Kong grabs DK and squeezes him tight in his fist before spiking him down on to the jungle ground.
Donkey Kong: ....Ouuughhhhh....
King Kong: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
DK is crushed by Kong's massive foot, shaking the earth around him. Kong stands triumphantly, but after a few seconds his foot begins to rise off the ground.
Donkey Kong: Rrrrrrrrrrgh.....!!!!!
(Cue Vs. Ghastly King)
DK manages to toss Kong off of him and the kaiju lands on his side. DK begins beating his chest, tired of being pushed around and unleashing his true jungle king power.
Donkey Kong: OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK OOK!!!!!!!!!
DK leaps on to Kong's abdomen and smashes down on it with a Simian Slam, and follows it up with a Jungle Rush of powerful punches.
King Kong: URKH!!!!
Kong tries to swat DK off, but DK just jumps on to his hand and starts beating down on his fingers. Kong starts smashing his hand down on a nearby cliff, eventually forcing DK off. The iconic Kongs both stare at each other, catching their breath. Kong began to realize that his foe might be more than just a pest that is a little too hard to crush. Kong then notices that in the river where he was dropped off, there was a distinct blue glow. He starts to run back over, surprising DK. DK pulls out his Coconut Gun and begins shooting coconuts to attack from afar. Kong grabs the glowing object in the river which is revealed to be his Battle Axe. Kong effortlessly slices through the flurry of coconuts and starts running back towards the cliff. DK shoots a few more coconuts until he runs out of ammo and then flings the Coconut Gun itself at the approaching Kong before jumping down in to the jungle below. Kong ignores the projectiles and just barely misses DK with a horizontal axe slice. Down on the ground, DK is swinging around on trees using vines and eventually lands down behind a large rock. Kong, searching for his opponent, starts destroying various objects around the jungle. Kong notices a faint flash of light behind a rock and promptly swings his axe down. the rock is destroyed, but something is notably preventing the weapon from reaching the ground. DK, in his Strong Kong form, is holding the axe up with one hand. Kong brings the axe back up and swings it back down, but it is greeted with a punch that knocks it back. The two repeat this a few times until Kong tries to catch DK off guard with a kick. DK is forced back several meters across the ground. Kong's axe glows more intensely with radiation as he brings it as far back above his head as he can. The two exchange glances, perfectly seeing each other's angry faces despite hundreds of feet separating them.
King Kong: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Kong swings it down for an attack that would make Godzilla nervously sweat if he could see it. DK stands his ground and catches it again, causing a shockwave that blasts away most of the surrounding trees. DK begins to regret this decision as he notices he has reached the last of his Crystal Coconut supply. As he returns to base form, his grip slips a little on the axe.
Donkey Kong: Nnnnt...!
Kong increases the force of the axe, but at the same time, its radiation supply begins to dwindle. DK smirks and takes this opportunity to use one last burst of monkey muscle to lift the axe up more and roll out of the way. He stumbles a bit as the axe finally hits the ground and shakes it. The force it hits the ground with is so strong that the axe becomes stuck, much to Kong's dismay. DK regains his composure and pulls out a pair of Bongos. He leaps over to Kong's feet and assumes a position fit for playing the instrument. As he plays a melody on them, a huge powerful shockwave comes out and makes Kong stumble backwards.
DK: Hehehhh!
DK jumps on to the axe, still wedged in the ground. He runs up to the top, rolls, and breaks out in to a leap that covers a long distance. Kong, still slightly disoriented, tries to swipe at him as he approaches. DK jumps on Kong's arm and jumps off of it again for some extra height. As he reaches a height a bit higher than Kong's head, which is to say really high, DK stretches his arms out to his sides. He brings them together and claps which shoots out a huge shockwave at Kong's face which causes him to scrunch his eyes and open his mouth in pain. DK throws a barrage of Orange Grenades in to Kong's mouth.
Kong: URK!
The Orange Grenades explode, detaching Kong's head from the rest of his body and launching it upwards. DK cups his hands together up high and smashes the head down in to the jungle below with a double axe handle.
DK: YAHEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!!!
K.O.!!!!!!!!
DK lands back down and flexes in victory. Out of the bushes, Diddy Kong appears and approaches his best bud.
Diddy Kong: Hoohaeha!
Diddy points towards the jungle, and DK sees that his treehouse has been crushed by Kong's head. DK's jaw drops and he collapses from exhaustion.
ADVERTISEMENT
Results
(Cue Donkey Kong Country Returns Staff Credits)
Boomstick: PETA's not gonna get on our ass about this, right?
Wiz: While this battle may seem simple to conclude at first, it is actually more complicated than you might think. Despite King Kong's massive size advantage, this did not automatically make him stronger than DK, like how a T-Rex wouldn't be stronger than the Hulk just because it's bigger.
Boomstick: Basically, ol' DK's got everything he needs to take on Kong despite being a pipsqueak in comparison. Sure, Kong can tussle with Godzilla for a few rounds, but being comparable to the Tokyo-stomper isn't enough for him to match Donkey Kong's moon-punch, which nearly packs a whopping 8 teratons of TNT! The best feats from the Monsterverse on the other hand are only about 100 gigatons!
Wiz: And while Kong's sheer size and dodging of Godzilla's atomic breath (which can reach the center of the Earth over the course of a few minutes) show he's no slowpoke, DK can keep up with Diddy's girlfriend Dixie Kong, who is capable of dodging real bolts of lightning.
Boomstick: But even past the biggest points, DK's platformer history gave him access to all sorts of acrobatic moves, cool abilities, power-ups, and general crazy stuff that's too cartoony to compare to anything in the Monsterverse! Kong, on the other hand, despite how much I love the guy, can basically be summed up as a huge gorilla with a radiation axe. DK could climb all over Kong and outmaneuver him, while Kong would be left trying to basically hit an invulnerable bug that hits like a freight train.
Wiz: Kong wouldn't be easy for DK to deal with, far from it, but DK's far superior arsenal and better stats allowed him to conquer one of cinema's most iconic kaiju.
Boomstick: And to address the gigantic elephant in the room, yeah this was just Kong from the Monsterverse and not his other film appearances, but most of the other King Kongs are way weaker and not worth mentioning anyways. The one exception being King Kong from the original King Kong vs. Godzilla. It still wouldn't make him strong enough and his electricity powers wouldn't be too useful, but his speed would be way faster! But at that point, we'd have to include DK's appearances in the more Mario-centered games, and that opens up its own whole can of worms that gives DK loads more stuff and even crazier feats to possibly scale him to!
Wiz: Well, maybe a third Godzilla VS. King Kong movie in another 90 years will change this match up a bit, but until then...
Boomstick: Looks like Donkey Kong kong-quered the king!
Wiz: The winner is Donkey Kong.
Dkwin
Advantages and Disadvantages
Donkey Kong (Winner): +Larger arsenal +Superior speed +Surprisingly stronger +Harder to hit +Could use his platforming skills, climbing abilities, and acrobatics to scale Kong like Shadow of the Colossus +Smarter (well, at least smarter enough to mention) -Much smaller -Has never fought an opponent as large as Kong before King Kong (Loser): +Much larger +More experience -Much more limited arsenal -Has never fought an opponent anything like Donkey Kong before -Slower -Not as strong -Would have a hard time hitting DK
