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borishu — From your point-of-view
Published: 2012-01-08 23:58:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 98; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description
(Please read description afterwards)Who tells The Story and who plays the part?
Through life we're all sculptures,
animated art.
We tug at the dialogue as it tugs at our hearts
And I need you to sell me, to the intellegant and smart
In hope that they'll love me,
not rip me apart.
Because I am The Story, and you are my Guide
Telling the world of my hopes and pride
Without you limitless, erratic, benign
With you shackled, contained bonafied.
So Narrator, Narrator, please lead me home
And you'll love me dearly in my libraic tomb.
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Comments: 5
I must have read this about 25 times already, and I just LOVE it! I don't understand how earth I haven't added it to my favorites!
Awesome poem. It's amazing how one little, seemingly insignificant detail can inspire something like this.
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oh gosh 
I just love little suprises like that, it makes me appreciate life a little bit more everytime 
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You get big points out of the gate for a fairly original idea. It flows well and rhymes nicely. Nothing too predictable. But the tone of the second stanza doesn't quite seem to mix with the first. It seems to go from the character's thoughts to a plea, which don't really mesh. Other than that it works really well.
And I didn't make this a "Critique" because I consider those to be gimmicky. I don't really understand why they even need a critique section if you can just type up your opinion in the comments section instead.
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I'd have to agree with you on the second stanza. I really like it though, which is why I was torn about putting it in. Do you think maybe another stanza in between would help, to act as a better transition?
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Perhaps. I imagine it would half to be a short stanza. Perhaps the character's thoughts could linger over to the narrator before speaking directly to him.
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