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Description
I tried so hard.
I did all that I could think of.
Crying
Then drugs
Then more Crying
Then more drugs
And I was okay
Really great, in fact.
Moving on with my life, starting a new chapter, meeting new people
Finding new lovers
And it was really, really great.
Wonderful in fact, liberating.
Knowing full heartedly that I was moving on, that I myself was free
Free to move forward in the world, put my feet down, and get myself known
With all the passion and power I still held, I did just that.
In a short month and a half, I achieved things that I had only been thinking of.
DREAMING of, in fact.
I sat back at times, high and surrounded by friends and said to myself
"I made the right choice".
Although not viewing my life as Ideal, I was able to sit back and appreciate what I have.
But tonight, all of that changed.
A picture says, literally, thousands of words
Tonight I saw a picture that told me a story.
A story that, no, in fact, things aren't really great.
I saw that picture, and saw that I didn't not make the decision that was right
Instead, one that just had to be made
One that I forced myself to have to make.
In the end, she is happy, so for that, I have won, because I had no other wish.
In the end, that picture told me my life is not really great.
In the end, that picture told me that I lost.
And tonight, I hang my head, not in shame, but in absolute disarray.
The strength and purpose, the drive and pride I built
It all came crashing down upon itself, because the picture told me I had no base.
I had no foundation.
It told me I have nothing.
And so tonight, I take the failures march.
The march that leads to a new place.
New places are always so, so wonderful to explore
But I make this walk with a heavy heart, knowing all that I left behind in shambles.
Tonight, I have seen with my own eyes the proof that I have lost.
The proof that I made mistakes, the proof that I, as she had so powerfully written
"Made her bored to look into my eyes"
Telling yourself something like that is not easy, its not something you want to do
But when you lose, and when you know you've lost, there's nothing to do
But accept defeat, no matter how painful it may be.
To realize all you lost, all you screwed up
All that you could have changed if you had just woken up
But its past, and the realization of defeat has thrown that in my eyes
Allowing them to neither be closed or open without being washed in the image that woke me up to the very thing.
So tonight, I admit defeat.
Regardless of what happened, I now admit, it was not my choice.
It was never my choice.
Because I would have never, ever made that decision.
Sometimes, I suppose as we all do,
I just wish I had another chance to win.

Description
I tried so hard.
I did all that I could think of.
Crying
Then drugs
Then more Crying
Then more drugs
And I was okay
Really great, in fact.
Moving on with my life, starting a new chapter, meeting new people
Finding new lovers
And it was really, really great.
Wonderful in fact, liberating.
Knowing full heartedly that I was moving on, that I myself was free
Free to move forward in the world, put my feet down, and get myself known
With all the passion and power I still held, I did just that.
In a short month and a half, I achieved things that I had only been thinking of.
DREAMING of, in fact.
I sat back at times, high and surrounded by friends and said to myself
"I made the right choice".
Although not viewing my life as Ideal, I was able to sit back and appreciate what I have.
But tonight, all of that changed.
A picture says, literally, thousands of words
Tonight I saw a picture that told me a story.
A story that, no, in fact, things aren't really great.
I saw that picture, and saw that I didn't not make the decision that was right
Instead, one that just had to be made
One that I forced myself to have to make.
In the end, she is happy, so for that, I have won, because I had no other wish.
In the end, that picture told me my life is not really great.
In the end, that picture told me that I lost.
And tonight, I hang my head, not in shame, but in absolute disarray.
The strength and purpose, the drive and pride I built
It all came crashing down upon itself, because the picture told me I had no base.
I had no foundation.
It told me I have nothing.
And so tonight, I take the failures march.
The march that leads to a new place.
New places are always so, so wonderful to explore
But I make this walk with a heavy heart, knowing all that I left behind in shambles.
Tonight, I have seen with my own eyes the proof that I have lost.
The proof that I made mistakes, the proof that I, as she had so powerfully written
"Made her bored to look into my eyes"
Telling yourself something like that is not easy, its not something you want to do
But when you lose, and when you know you've lost, there's nothing to do
But accept defeat, no matter how painful it may be.
To realize all you lost, all you screwed up
All that you could have changed if you had just woken up
But its past, and the realization of defeat has thrown that in my eyes
Allowing them to neither be closed or open without being washed in the image that woke me up to the very thing.
So tonight, I admit defeat.
Regardless of what happened, I now admit, it was not my choice.
It was never my choice.
Because I would have never, ever made that decision.
Sometimes, I suppose as we all do,
I just wish I had another chance to win.