Comments: 10
Maclafel7 [2013-07-07 22:55:01 +0000 UTC]
Nice! She's so lucky that she's the daughter of Zeus! If I was a demigod I would probably want my parent to be Poseidon, though. I love being in the water.
Once again, I feel this paragraph could be divided up so it's easier to read. I also think that there are some sentences that need commas, like this:
The eagle suddenly lurched to the side(comma) and I fell to the ground(comma) landing on my butt.
There also some sentences that are actually two or more sentences strung together:
As I ran away from Carson everything sunk in(period) (Captial T)here were only a few options, turn myself in to a psycho ward, not tell anyone I'm insane, or freak-out as soon as I reach home.
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1Hazelgracling [2012-12-08 02:08:49 +0000 UTC]
Who is Carson's parent??
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brightshadow1222675 In reply to 1Hazelgracling [2012-12-08 04:17:29 +0000 UTC]
hmmm idk it would probably be a special edition/chapter thing :/ and i will note you his parent if you swear to secrecy
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1Hazelgracling In reply to brightshadow1222675 [2012-12-08 04:38:06 +0000 UTC]
I solemnly swear I am up to no good "harry Potter" I will tell nobody, not even chiron
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