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Description

NOTE -

( THIS ONLY TAKES PLACE IN DEAN WINCHESTERS P.O.V )

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WARNING - Possible suicide warning?

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"I know how my story ends. It's at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun"

"I'm past saving"

"Once you touch that darkness, it never goes away"

I still remember saying those words to Cole after he attacked me in that alley way and tried to kill me, accusing me of being a demon. I still remember the pain from when he sliced my cheek with his knife well I was a demon. I still remember every awful thing that I did to him which others would call inhuman. I regret doing all of those things, even though I wouldn't say it to somebody's face, not even Sammy's. I can't take back what I did, even if I prayed to Cas to somehow tell that person I'm sorry, they will still believe I'm a monster. When I told Sammy that I wanted to rip his throat out with my teeth, I could see the fear in his eyes. And that was caused because of me. He wasn't the only person I hurt.

You were there as well.

The love of my life. (Y/n) (l/n), a beautiful 33 year old woman with beautiful (h/l) (h/c) hair that shinned in the sunlight and moved with the wind. With beautiful (e/c) eyes that would always show hope even in times of despair. With a beautiful pearly white smile that would brighten up any rainy day. She was the reason I loved to wake up in the mornings and look over to the left side of my bed. She was the reason I was strong well fighting against the Marks power. She was the reason I fought and killed every demon, ghost, vampire, wendigo, shape shifter, and leviathan. To keep her safe from harms way.

But that all changed.

She grew scared of me. Her beautiful eyes and smile became dull and she would rarely smile, laugh, or show hope. I no longer felt her presence when I woke up in the mornings. I felt weak with her not helping me fight the urge to rip somebody apart. I felt like me killing all of these monsters was a waste of time and had no effect. I killed all of those beings to keep her safe, but she acted as if it was an act of murder. She kept her distance, I no longer felt her warmth, I could no longer catch her fruity scent, I could no longer taste her cherry chapstick when we used to kiss, I could no longer run my fingers through her amazing hair and hear her laugh as I made pathetic jokes.

I long to see those days again.

Where I can touch her, where I can catch her scent well we lay together, where I can taste her fruity chapstick when we share a kiss, where I can relax from a hard days work and just play with her hair to calm me down, where I can hear her laugh and get that warm sensation in my stomach which were butterflies. I have dreams of those days but when I awake, it's like torture. To have to see fear in her eyes whenever she looks at me.

I do miss her.

But I know she doesn't miss me. I remember awaking one night to find her in my doorway, clutching on to a gun and pointing it at me. She was shaking and sobbing. I knew what she was doing. She was going to kill me.

End her and my suffering.

I was going to let her do it, but Sam came by and stopped it. And now I need to live with the consequences. I need to live and watch my ex stare at me in fear. Look at me as if she wishes that I died that night. I honestly don't know how I keep going anymore. I guess it's because I keep saying that my end will come shortly. My end that will fix everything. It will help a weight be lifted. Every time a blade or gun is pointed my way, I get excited, thinking that it may be my time. And every time it happens, I think back to what I told Cole.

"I'm past saving"

"Once you touch that darkness, it never goes away"

"I know how my story ends"

Description

NOTE -

( THIS ONLY TAKES PLACE IN DEAN WINCHESTERS P.O.V )

------------------------------------------------------

WARNING - Possible suicide warning?

------------------------------------------------------

"I know how my story ends. It's at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun"

"I'm past saving"

"Once you touch that darkness, it never goes away"

I still remember saying those words to Cole after he attacked me in that alley way and tried to kill me, accusing me of being a demon. I still remember the pain from when he sliced my cheek with his knife well I was a demon. I still remember every awful thing that I did to him which others would call inhuman. I regret doing all of those things, even though I wouldn't say it to somebody's face, not even Sammy's. I can't take back what I did, even if I prayed to Cas to somehow tell that person I'm sorry, they will still believe I'm a monster. When I told Sammy that I wanted to rip his throat out with my teeth, I could see the fear in his eyes. And that was caused because of me. He wasn't the only person I hurt.

You were there as well.

The love of my life. (Y/n) (l/n), a beautiful 33 year old woman with beautiful (h/l) (h/c) hair that shinned in the sunlight and moved with the wind. With beautiful (e/c) eyes that would always show hope even in times of despair. With a beautiful pearly white smile that would brighten up any rainy day. She was the reason I loved to wake up in the mornings and look over to the left side of my bed. She was the reason I was strong well fighting against the Marks power. She was the reason I fought and killed every demon, ghost, vampire, wendigo, shape shifter, and leviathan. To keep her safe from harms way.

But that all changed.

She grew scared of me. Her beautiful eyes and smile became dull and she would rarely smile, laugh, or show hope. I no longer felt her presence when I woke up in the mornings. I felt weak with her not helping me fight the urge to rip somebody apart. I felt like me killing all of these monsters was a waste of time and had no effect. I killed all of those beings to keep her safe, but she acted as if it was an act of murder. She kept her distance, I no longer felt her warmth, I could no longer catch her fruity scent, I could no longer taste her cherry chapstick when we used to kiss, I could no longer run my fingers through her amazing hair and hear her laugh as I made pathetic jokes.

I long to see those days again.

Where I can touch her, where I can catch her scent well we lay together, where I can taste her fruity chapstick when we share a kiss, where I can relax from a hard days work and just play with her hair to calm me down, where I can hear her laugh and get that warm sensation in my stomach which were butterflies. I have dreams of those days but when I awake, it's like torture. To have to see fear in her eyes whenever she looks at me.

I do miss her.

But I know she doesn't miss me. I remember awaking one night to find her in my doorway, clutching on to a gun and pointing it at me. She was shaking and sobbing. I knew what she was doing. She was going to kill me.

End her and my suffering.

I was going to let her do it, but Sam came by and stopped it. And now I need to live with the consequences. I need to live and watch my ex stare at me in fear. Look at me as if she wishes that I died that night. I honestly don't know how I keep going anymore. I guess it's because I keep saying that my end will come shortly. My end that will fix everything. It will help a weight be lifted. Every time a blade or gun is pointed my way, I get excited, thinking that it may be my time. And every time it happens, I think back to what I told Cole.

"I'm past saving"

"Once you touch that darkness, it never goes away"

"I know how my story ends"