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bugsymoron — When the Clock strikes Fate by-nd
Published: 2009-01-02 05:42:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 319; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 4
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Description Come the moment, in the hour,

Words for action come to power.

Ascending on a butterfly's wings.

From dust a storm is gathering.


Each mind is not just a cog working alone

But a moving microcosm in the universe's soul.

Awakened once in forever to its rhythmic trance.

We surrender the heart to follow in dance.
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bugsymoron - Tonight I feel old as a Star

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Comments: 10

ElairaHunter [2009-03-11 10:22:47 +0000 UTC]

I was captured from the very first line. This has been in my watch list for a while now and I'm glad I finally got around to reading it. I really love the first four lines because they are articulate and so succinct. Just a query, in the penultimate line, should it be "Awakened once and forever to its rhythmic trance."?

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bugsymoron In reply to ElairaHunter [2009-03-11 13:56:10 +0000 UTC]

Nope it is "once in forever", because that's just what it means simply put, the reaction happens just once ever Although I see what you mean, it makes sense but I didn't think of it like that when writing, so best stick to my original plan I'm glad you like it, it's quite intense and not many people get that because the first stanza seems so simplistic, but really it's not.

Thank you for your nice feedback

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ElairaHunter In reply to bugsymoron [2009-03-11 21:38:27 +0000 UTC]

aaahh, that too makes much sense - you're right, it's best to keep it the way you intended

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ErilisVampyre [2009-01-13 04:56:43 +0000 UTC]

*nod* Nice.

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bugsymoron In reply to ErilisVampyre [2009-01-13 04:58:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks

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Aedammair-Feline [2009-01-12 02:35:35 +0000 UTC]

"Ascending on a butterfly's wings" - Beautiful line
And lovely poem overall.

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bugsymoron In reply to Aedammair-Feline [2009-01-12 06:37:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you I'm glad you like it

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Aedammair-Feline In reply to bugsymoron [2009-01-13 01:31:35 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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prissy-in-1984 [2009-01-03 10:29:23 +0000 UTC]

This really is a great comeback bugsy. I just love the last stanza and the final lines of the first that really gives it the cohesion, I struggle with making stanzas cohesive. It's really optimistic in an open-ended way and the great thing is that this poem can be applied regardless of your intended subject matter. Having said that, writing this must've given you such a great release. You have inspired me to post some stuff that I have been previously self-conscious to leave open to criticism, so thanks for that...

Your fellow deviant,
Prissy...

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bugsymoron In reply to prissy-in-1984 [2009-01-03 15:15:42 +0000 UTC]

Dear Prissy, indeed this felt amazing to write, I'm not trying to exaggerate but during these months in my writer's block, I've had inspiration but couldn't ever put it down in words, and always allowed myself to be too lazy to try. This was written at 3am and not because I wanted to write, because I was trying to revise but my head wasn't letting me it kept visualizing the day and how things work out against what you want to happen because perhaps subconsciously, it was wanted. That's just how I was compelled to write. Of course I'm not always going to be compelled into writing like this, but this to me feels like a personal miracle.

In a sad way, the friend I wrote it for and sent it to, and asked several times what he thinks, hasn't got back to me, which is disappointing. But meh, he inspired me to write this, and that's enough I guess. And cause I'm not that great a writer really, I'm pretty psyched that you find it inspiring enough to make you post, I'll be checking them out soon but thank you for the support

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