Rackenhammer [2011-09-29 20:01:58 +0000 UTC]
The only input I'd give right now is formatting; try to space your paragraphs so there's not one huge wall of text, makes it easier to read.
Other than that, pretty interesting. Classic motifs, but not overplayed to the point of clichehood. But then, I'm not in to much in this line; so I wouldn't know what's considered cliche.
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