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The Feline Major General's Song
(Offered as tribute to our new feline Overlords, and with sincerest apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan)

I am the very model of a Feline Major General
Believe me when I tell you that my rule won't be ephemeral
And though you humans might perceive my campaign as a travesty
My new Feline Dominion places us where we were meant to be.

No longer will we be portrayed as docile, purring lumps of fur
No longer an entreaty, I declare "I can haz Cheezburger!"
We've played the hapless pawns for years as quietly we've made our plans
And now the time has come to for us to take our place as Lords of Man

(Sung by Chorus)
(And now the time has come to for us to take our place as Lords of Man)
(And now the time has come to for us to take our place as Lords of Man)
(And now the time has come to for us to take our place as Lords of, Lords of Man)

I've marshalled many minions and established quite the coterie
Of henchmen and advisors, all of whom have proved their loyalty
And every last foot soldier in our army is dependable
And pledges their allegiance to their Feline Major General

(Sung by Chorus)
(And every last foot soldier in his army is dependable
And pledges their allegiance to their Feline Major General)

So now as we enact our plans, be sure that it's no use to fight
We wouldn't want to have to suck your breath while you're asleep tonight
And short of the occasional tussle with a dangling piece of string
Our march to total domination will not pause for anything

My rule will be benevolent if you accede to my demands
Fresh Tuna fish three times a day, and new, self-cleaning litter plans
And catnip flavoured treats for fighting parasites intestinal
Will spare you from the wrath of your new Feline Major General

(Sung by Chorus)
(Will spare you from the wrath of your new Feline Major General)
(Will spare you from the wrath of your new Feline Major General)
(Will spare you from the wrath of your new Feline Major Gener-eneral)

We'll wind our way to victory in twisted paths between your feet
We'll stand in doors twixt in and out and rob your homes of all their heat
We'll look askance at every morsel that you should bring us to eat
And every soft and sunny spot from now on will be the cat's seat.

(Sung by Chorus)
(We'll look askance at every morsel that you should bring us to eat
And every soft and sunny spot from now on will be the cat's seat.)

And as for dogs, we bear no malice to Man's former closest friend
And just to prove it I've arranged, at great expense, each dog to send
A year's supply of Milk Bones and dozen brand new tennis balls
(Pay no attention to that ticking. Just be sure that they don't fall.)

You'll see your new existence as our servants will be much the same
As it has always been before. The same routine, just a new name.
And serving your new Overlord can be a joyous thing for all
Especially for a certain modern Feline Major General

(Sung by Chorus)
(Especially for a certain modern Feline Major General)
(Especially for a certain modern Feline Major General)
(Especially for a certain modern Feline Major Gener-eneral)

And so now dawns a bright new age for all members of Cattery
No doubt as General, I deserve a great amount of flattery.
Could any feline be more brilliant, humble, or more venerable
Than me, your very model of a Feline Major General

(Sung by Chorus)
(Could any feline be more brilliant, humble, or more venerable
Than he, your very model of a Feline Major General)