Comments: 37
TaylorNicoleReed [2015-10-18 21:13:32 +0000 UTC]
I... love this. I definitely did not see that twist coming! This is fantastic!
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C-A-Harland In reply to Flesh-unfolding [2015-08-28 20:06:20 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much. This one was a bit of an experiment for me in terms of voice so I'm glad you enjoyed it
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SilverInkblot [2015-08-25 23:51:32 +0000 UTC]
So, is it one hit man with multiple names, or one hit man with multiple personalities? In any case, neither makes much sense to me as the narrator waited until the money went through before committing to the job, money he won't be able to spend.
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C-A-Harland In reply to SilverInkblot [2015-08-26 01:22:59 +0000 UTC]
One guy, multiple identities (names). And he waited for the money because that was the point of no return. As far as his work ethic mandates: once you've been paid for a job you have to do it.
He was paid, so he did it.
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keeper-loves-writing [2015-06-28 17:12:35 +0000 UTC]
Well, that was ... diligent.
I have to say, the moment he sat down on the bed I knew what was going to happen, but it's still a really nice plottwist.
And when you re-read the story, the irony and ambiguity becomes even more obvious because you wonder which name he actually is talking about in the beginning whereas while reading it for the first time at this point in the story you only have one option: his current name.
That he uses one of his favourite guns to do the job gave the whole story a quite sad ring. The whole moment when he sits there on the bed and reflects about his different personalities leaves quite an impression. It was also quite striking that he seemed to switch personalities together with his name: The other guy preferred guns, I prefer poison. That made me think, for a moment, that this would make a really good prologue to a fantasy story in which said hitman would only kill some part of his personality with that suicide and afterwards keep on going with some part of himself missing - or even with some more split hitman personalities who try to compete against each other with the aim of being the only one to possess his body. They could manipulate other people into giving the one with integrety the job to kill each other off one at a time ...
I'm sorry, that escalated quickly ... (But I like the idea^^) Back to your story: I like it a lot, his train of thought, the irony and how fittingly you managed to get half a word in at the end of it^^
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C-A-Harland In reply to KreepingSpawn [2015-06-27 11:11:38 +0000 UTC]
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. It might be fun one day to expand on his life... Or lives as it may be.
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neurotype-on-discord [2015-06-22 17:29:15 +0000 UTC]
ha, way too much professional integrity!
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YppleJax [2015-06-22 14:37:44 +0000 UTC]
Ha! Clever!
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SCFrankles [2015-06-14 17:54:53 +0000 UTC]
Excellent stuff - I love the twist. And that slightly bizarre and surreal feel to the story ^^ The very dark humour of the situation appeals to me.
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C-A-Harland In reply to SCFrankles [2015-06-15 02:22:11 +0000 UTC]
Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun with the idea in this one.
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GDeyke [2015-06-13 21:47:11 +0000 UTC]
I actually was suspicious of where this was going right from the beginning (what with the focus on names both in the case of the narrator and the target), but lost my suspicions early on, so the ending still came as a surprise to me. I really like that ending. Very nice twist.
Also liking the focus on integrity here.
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C-A-Harland In reply to GDeyke [2015-06-15 02:23:32 +0000 UTC]
I toyed with whether or not it was too blatant, bur decided it needed to be there for the story to make any sense. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks.
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VeryCr1tikal [2015-06-10 18:51:43 +0000 UTC]
Hmm...
While I don't think that this is as good as Wishes, still ends up being decent. Definitely like the twist at the end, though there are a few points which could have been changed for the better. For example:
He mentions how he always preferred poison. Perhaps you could of worked it into the whole "he's killing himself" thing by him saying something like, "I would of preferred to use poison for this job. Would be much quicker and painless." In general, there are quite a few points where you could have re-written it to work more towards the fact that he knows that he's killing himself.
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BATTLEFAIRIES [2015-06-10 08:59:05 +0000 UTC]
It would seem like this city's trending homicide problem is
about to sort itself out
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Haegun [2015-06-10 02:54:47 +0000 UTC]
Interesting take on the challenge. I am still wrestling with what I will do.
The earlier part had a sort of updated film noir feel to it, which I liked a lot.
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billionaaron [2015-06-10 01:28:27 +0000 UTC]
also there's a mistake on the line "If you’re gonna to commit to a job, you’ve gotta see it through." It should read "If you’re gonna commit to a job, you’ve gotta see it through."
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billionaaron [2015-06-10 01:23:38 +0000 UTC]
yes it's a really good story. i like how the character monologues about what it's like being a hit man. it seems like something right out of the movie Sin City. you clearly are a skilled writer because the sentences flow. still i don't love the ending. why would someone accept a hit on themselves? it seems unrealistic, but it doesn't ruin the piece for me. overall an entertaining read.
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C-A-Harland In reply to billionaaron [2015-06-10 01:28:21 +0000 UTC]
Thanks. I actually found the prompt online and filed it away for later. It was "A hitman is hired to kill one of his past identities" and it seemed to fit really well with this theme. I tried to emphasize how important the job and the rep was to him, to the point that he would rather take his own life than be called a failure.
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billionaaron In reply to C-A-Harland [2015-06-10 01:33:22 +0000 UTC]
hmm that actually does make sense. i feel like you should add to the story and make his obsession to not fail more clear, but maybe others would disagree. i don't know.
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C-A-Harland In reply to billionaaron [2015-06-10 02:17:08 +0000 UTC]
With a word limit like that, it's a bit hard to expland
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