Comments: 231
erico637 [2012-06-03 04:56:46 +0000 UTC]
Now the wait for chapter 2....
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SakuraNights [2011-12-11 08:57:38 +0000 UTC]
So beautiful... i cant even describe it... just..... wow........ you're amazing.....
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NovaMirage [2011-07-19 22:17:03 +0000 UTC]
I read both beginning parts and I think by far this is my favorite. It's more realistic than the original and shows a lot more detail and maturity. Very good!
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Hurricaneclaw [2011-07-06 16:15:22 +0000 UTC]
Are you ever going to do anything with this? Like... continue with the revamp chapters?
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reve7747 [2011-02-24 02:15:11 +0000 UTC]
I actually commented on this on fanfiction.net, but I did that before looking at the first chapter of the original story. Your writing style and grammar have improved remarkably. I wasn't too impressed with the original, but I'm taken in by the revamp. I hope you continue writing it. (:
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ShadowBrokenMirrors [2010-07-07 05:44:14 +0000 UTC]
How could this have been a joke, it's incredible.
(Made me cry in the beginning too. CURSE YOU, AMAZING WRITERS.)
I want this to be in a book. It deserves to be a book in many ways. <3
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GardusKnight [2009-10-01 22:56:23 +0000 UTC]
Wow, comparing the two and seeing the differences, this Revamp ver. is a major improvement to the old one. Hope to see more on your Revamp. That is, if you can make time for it anyways.
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swan-swan [2009-04-18 20:32:09 +0000 UTC]
Sooooo, I should just jump straight to AtA, then, or is Chapter 2 up already?
It's been a year...*trots off*
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CallistoHime In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 22:10:18 +0000 UTC]
Lauren said it all in her comment on AtA 1... but I just can't even believe you did this. THIS comment on the chapter we asked you to read, and ripping me a new one on a chapter that I know is unedited, that was written two years ago, and that you have absolutely no ability to understand without having read the first story through - as though that's my weakness as a writer instead of you skipping an entire story and reading something two years old and telling me what's "wrong" with it. As though I haven't made improvements myself in the last two years. Maybe you don't think I have and that's why you left no comment here. I don't even know. It's just so unfair... you called yourself my friend last night... I've been sitting here for over half an hour now and I still don't even know what to say.
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swan-swan In reply to CallistoHime [2009-04-18 22:33:30 +0000 UTC]
I'm being critical.
Actually, in all honesty, I had a horrified feeling of dread as soon as Lauren warned me not to read on. I was like, "Um...something just became clear...uh-oh."
I'm FULLY willing to keep going, though. I've done this before with multiple sources, and it holds up pretty darn well. Like I said with the "traitor" line...that's a trigger. It's a bang with a gun. It's me going, "Oh, now I'm interested."
And I completely forgot to mention that I Wikiied Elice and manakete and was able to keep up really well. I moved along. Click, click, click. One after another.
This is how I criticize writing. It's my policy, and it doesn't change. I read, I rip apart, and if something is particularly good, I'll make note of it. If it's "decent" or even "good," I'll usually pass on without comment--but if someone else criticizes something that I found as good, I'll defend that. It's how it goes in the workshop.
If you've fixed up on most of these things in the past two years (THAT old???), then you should have no reason to listen to the criticisms. For the most part, though, those were "edit this part"...
Do you want me to stay quiet on the things that bug me? Because trust me, I think that if I do, when I re-read later on, those bits will still bug me.
Did I forget to mention that I enjoyed reading this far more than I thought I would? I think I did. Did I mention that this is good fanfiction? I don't think I did. I mention it now.
Code Geass, Shannara, some of Star Wars, Teen Titans, Beast Wars...I've had a lot of "sequel starters"...where I read the sequel and then go back to the original.
Do I have permission to keep reading the sequel and see how it holds up, and then continue to read the revamp, or do you want me to read the version that I keep being told not to read?
Bottom line of my criticism side: I will take your writing, chew it up, spit it out, and tell you what was wrong with it, but that's the only way that I've ever been able to improve my own writing, and that's what I apply to every other writing. Don't expect my critic to be friendly. That's for the rest of the day. It's nothing personal. It's how I work. You want to see me go to town on the seventh Harry Potter book? I'll do it. The first six...no real criticisms. Seven? Plenty.
*grins*
You know how I didn't leave that much of a criticism on the first chapter of TCE? It's because I didn't have much to say. You did a good job with that chunk.
My analysis was unfair, though, in parts. I admit that, I understand that. The kick-off for this story was so dynamically different from the chapter I'd read previously that I assumed the two were like night and day. Completely separate. But I guess Elice shows up in TCE? And we learn about her there?
My mistake, if so.
But you have to tell me now:
Do I Star-Wars-Original-Trilogy this thing and read AtA first, or do I read the version of TCE that I've inferred you don't WANT me to read?
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CallistoHime In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:13:28 +0000 UTC]
Rule number one - it's nice to remember to say nice things you think instead of shoving rudeness down my throat and expecting me to take it with a smile.
Yes, Elice is in TCE and that is where we get the base knowledge that give ANY of this chapter any meaning at all.
... Life is not a workshop, and neither are friendships. And people have feelings that go beyond the page. I didn't ask you to read this to get advice or editing tips. I wasn't ASKING for a critic, I was asking for a friend to read something important - one of the most important undertakings I've ever done in my life.
I have an editor, and I have improved over the last two years. I'm not perfect - no one is. I still have room to grow but no, I do not wish to hear your edits on something I am planning on going back and reworking myself when I have the chance. I want a reader, not an editor. I understand looking at other peoples' work to get ideas about how to improve your own, but you can do that without throwing mistakes in my face that I made two years ago and already have fixed in my writing.
It's up to you if you want to keep rereading AtA WITHOUT editing it in your comments, that's fine. But no, I don't want you as a reader/editor, and I will not be going back to look at such "edits" when I rework the beginning of this story to fit later standards. If I happen to leave something in that I like that "bugs" you, one reader, I honestly don't care.
That's the bottom line. You can read AtA and wait until chp 7 when Lauren became my editor and some of these novice mistakes begin to disappear and watch as the quality goes up through the chapters (on which I STILL do not want detailed critiques on my writing style, etc....).
Or, you can wait as the revamp slowly comes out, but judging by this, save us both the trouble and do not EVER read the original version of TCE. I say that because I KNOW what I have done to improve and have learned from Lauren's editing, my own experience, and the past three years as an English writing major what I did wrong when I started writing this four years ago. But no, any advice, chewing up or spitting out of my writing, ESPECIALLY old writing is not helpful, wanted or appreciated.
I welcome small grammar mistake, spelling error checks from readers (without horrified emoticons and demeaning capitalized moaning attached) because I am NOT perfect and sometimes mistakes fall through the cracks. Especially when I'm writing for an audience and publishing chapter by chapter. You're seeing a work in progress and judging me by the first draft. How fair is that?
Judging my prose writing, my narrative, my character development, ANY of it, on an old-draft first chapter, it's just cruelty - ESPECIALLY with you knowing you're coming in on the second act. You are the one behind in the story - that is not a sign of weakness in my writing (which I've said before, I am fully aware of the weaknesses, every one of which you pointed out has been vastly approved over the last 60 chapters).
It feels like you went in an plugged in the holes of everything you wanted to find wrong with my writing and this story - which I wouldn't have even thought of if you hadn't brought up your self-proclaimed non-comparison comparison between me and "Twilight". I would die before I would write a Bella or an Edward, my love for the series not-withstanding. Or, as Lauren said when I commented that to her, "Or, with you writing them they would end up developing into round characters."
You've read one chapter... no one knows the full breadth and depth of a character in one chapter. That's like asking to know everything about a person after one conversation. It doesn't work like that. I have some that take dozens of chapters before you "get" them - because characters aren't THERE - they unfold as the story does.
You told me your critic isn't friendly, well, maybe my responder isn't either - just giving it to you straight.
I'm not putting this up on DA as a writing exercise to be shaped and molded by other people. If you would like to read and DISCUSS - ask Lauren, DISCUSSION on a chapter is our favorite thing in the world. Talking about character development, themes, theories, plotlines, ALL that - instead of chewing up and spitting out - be my guest. Those things usually take a while. You seem to like to compare things - there wasn't much to discuss after the first episode of Avatar - even the first few. You have to wait until the plot it set up and the characters are fleshing out - which they will. Low confidence that I have in almost everything that I do, one thing I will take pride in is my characters - but only to people who give them a chance and don't come in with unbendable prejudices and misconceptions that refuse to touched.
If you can't see why I would feel that way or want that - or why THIS comment was upsetting (I guess that absolutely no comment on Revamp chp 1 meant it got a check mark and nothing else), then I don't know what to say.
Hopefully this is clear... *sigh*
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swan-swan In reply to CallistoHime [2009-04-18 23:29:02 +0000 UTC]
Oh, I've been talking with Lauren, believe me, the woman's given me a chewing-out like none other. Besides you. Actually, I've had worse chew-outs, but that's not important right now!!!
What IS important is that if that chapter of AtA was one that was unedited, that is seriously impressive. If Lauren wasn't editing then, if that was a rough copy, that was really something. Even if she was, that was something.
If every error that I pointed out has indeed been vastly improved over the 60 chapters, then I should let you know that I wasted my time writing the comment that sparked all of this. Wasted breath and time, and that's a bad thing on my part. You didn't waste anything, I wasted my own time and your time. Or so I would assume. If you've improved--congratulations. I look forward to the improvements.
Again, though...what you wrote did not strike me as several-years-old-and-in-need-of-improvement...it struck me as recent-and-fully-fledged-with-a-few-things-slipping-through-the-cracks, and that was how I judged it. But I find out that what I read was, in fact, several-years-old-and-in-need-of-improvement, and, well...yeah. Though that might be an invalid description. It's more of several-years-old-and-the-mark-of-a-progressing-writer.
Whatever the case, I judged that chapter as I would something that you had written three days ago. That's the level I placed you at. If you take that as an insult, then I look forward to reading what you really did write three days ago, because improvement is not going to be easy.
"Revamp Chapter One" did, indeed, get a check mark. I didn't feel criticism necessary, as it was more limited in its structure (basing itself largely on the end of Ocarina) and all-in-all shorter and of higher quality. I could have been nitpicky, but nothing really bugged me about it. There was nothing that I could think of for you to improve with it.
Or, as Lauren said when I commented that to her, "Or, with you writing them they would end up developing into round characters."
I believe her.
....you do, of course, also realize that I was criticizing you on your treatment and development of video-game characters? Most of whom I knew very little about? If anything? You already did give flat characters rounding.
Now get that second chapter finished, girl!
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:50:43 +0000 UTC]
P.S. FAITH IN NATE RESTORED 8O
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:47:09 +0000 UTC]
To confirm: yes, AtA 1 was written before she even met me. I didn't join in till AtA ch 7. This was all just written and posted without an editor, on her own two years ago. Believe me...progress since this time? ASTRONOMICAL.
I think as far as Revamp One...what sucks is, why does something good only get a check mark? Why can't it have, "wow this is what I was thinking as I read it, this is what I liked"? Talking about how she interpreted things, how that met/differed from expectations, things like that...you know, DISCUSSION, not just "I approve."
Meanwhile, this comment kinda made me cry happy and I dunno why...that it would strike you as current-quality with things slipping through the cracks, I dunno - but just you WAIT till current AtA. Oh gosh @_@ if you thought THIS was current quality...you haz no idea what's in store.
My recommendation: despite everything, read through old TCE and just know what you're heading towards - but also, TCE in its own right has surprising depth and amazingness...tune into that. Read it, most people start then get hooked and finish in a couple days (once I got past spending a few weeks slowly getting through the early chapters, I got hooked ended up reading the whole rest of the thing in one night). Then start AtA again. You will not be disappointed - and despite the earlier quality of TCE, it IS powerful, AS IS. More so as she got rolling. But I'm rereading now for the third time (I'm to about ch 11, which was before the point I originally got hooked, but was still an interested reader by then), and man. It is. Read it and read AtA. GO NOW 8O!!!
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swan-swan In reply to WishIWould [2009-04-18 23:59:40 +0000 UTC]
....but you two always knew each other....
And YES, I DID read the whole comment! Don't go after me again for that!
As to why something just got a check mark, it was my first look. I had no comparison points. Bits that I disagreed with, I wasn't about to argue. I was still acquiring the taste.
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-19 00:07:00 +0000 UTC]
Go after you again for that? o.o; I don't recall having done so...
no XD I met her two years ago, after she'd already started AtA.
Point taken.
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 21:23:43 +0000 UTC]
Don't try to jump into AtA, it won't make sense and will (obviously) spoil TCE. Wait for her to finish writing Revamp ch. 2.
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swan-swan In reply to WishIWould [2009-04-18 22:39:34 +0000 UTC]
Oh, no, my desire to read is STOKED.
I just want to know which one to read.
Bare-bones TCE or progressing AtA?
I'd prefer AtA, but I might need a dramatis personae.
You understand that I have minimal Fire Emblem knowledge, too, so this is...yeah. It's fun stuff.
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 22:55:18 +0000 UTC]
This story is based on the premise that readers do not know FE. I do not know FE, but the story set me up perfectly to understand everything in it. But for GOODNESS SAKES if you're going to read TCE, as a friend, you will NOT comment on it the way you did on AtA 1. Read TCE, there's so much complexity of character...reading AtA first is like watching season 3 and knowing nothing about Zuko before that. Sure it works. But if you want the best emotional involvement and understanding of the story? START AT THE BEGINNING and know them as they go. Crossroads of Destiny could NOT have been the same if you already knew what Zuko would choose.
But if you go back and read TCE OLD, you really, really, really, really must NOT comment on grammar and what she does wrong. It's hard enough for her to even think about TCE without cringing, and someone who's already hurt her by that pointing every little thing out will seriously damage friendship more...I'm glad you're stoked, and I know "this is just how you work," but if you could prioritize friend before habit, then read TCE for the story and comment on your reactions, not your criticisms. If you need to write those kinds of critiques to help your own writing by identifying what you odn't like in others', DON'T share it.
But yes, if your'e gonna read, read TCE is my unequivocal answer.
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swan-swan In reply to WishIWould [2009-04-18 22:58:56 +0000 UTC]
*snickers*
I'm not THAT stupid, girl.
One of the reasons I was so critical on AtA was because it was higher-quality than the trash one usually reads online. It had a more-developed feel to it. I could read it and keep reading, not cringe and come up gasping for air.
I get a bit more of that in the TCE one, but because I'm aware of the faults throughout, I can stay under for longer. "She'll fix this." "That'll be dealt with." "Well, that's different. So it's probably gone."
Etc.
I'm critical, not cruel.
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:07:11 +0000 UTC]
*snickers*
I'm not THAT stupid, girl.
I haz no idea what you're referring to @.@
uh..."TCE one" meaning the revamped or the old?
Yeah, I understand that - you gotta keep in mind, I come from the POV of BEING a critiquer/editor...I know how it works. If it's crap you don't comment. But being Chrissy's best friend, too, I have that unique POV going on here.
TCE Revamp will be amazing. TCE, the amazingness shines through even to a grammar nerd/Nazi like me.
I dunno what we're talkingabout anymore but okays @.@
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swan-swan In reply to WishIWould [2009-04-18 23:08:55 +0000 UTC]
Oh, I meant "letting loose on the old TCE like I did AtA". I'm not stupid enough to do that. XD Not after these discussions. And the fact that I KNOW that it's semi-obsolete work is another thing.
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swan-swan In reply to CallistoHime [2009-04-18 23:30:19 +0000 UTC]
That's the mentality of reading it.
And I love it for that.
For redundancy's sake, I only criticized AtA like that because I didn't think it was anything close to a first draft. XD
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:19:57 +0000 UTC]
It might even be wisest to not comment on TCE at all ... er, I don't even know, but she definitely does not agree with me and doesn't want you to read old TCE, judging by your AtA ch 1 reaction.
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swan-swan In reply to WishIWould [2009-04-18 23:31:37 +0000 UTC]
I'm commenting.
But normally.
And if I see something that should stay, I'll note that. That's how I read the BAD works. I see what works and say, "keep this, lose everything else" or "change what you want, but THIS stays."
Now quit delaying me!
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CallistoHime In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:51:09 +0000 UTC]
ok, old TCE you can tell me what you like but PLEASE don't tell me what needs to go @.@ the list would be extensive, excruciating and a waste of your time >.>
*is terrified* o.@
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:48:37 +0000 UTC]
OKAY XD~~~
But also know, if you suggest what you think shoudl stay, we'll disregard you and do what Chrissy thinks. =3
GO READ!
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swan-swan In reply to WishIWould [2009-04-18 22:43:51 +0000 UTC]
*buries face in hands*
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:03:03 +0000 UTC]
I'm so confused @.@ right here you sound upset about what happened but everywhere else you write you still sound ... I dun' even know @.@ but yeah =O heh @_@
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swan-swan In reply to WishIWould [2009-04-18 23:11:53 +0000 UTC]
I don't apologize for criticism. Not unless I'm definitively proven wrong.
But I do apologize for believing that it was refined work and that it was open for that level of criticism.
Long story short, two days ago I had a story reviewed that I legitimately wanted help with for improvement, and I didn't feel like anyone got to that. It's happened before, too. And it's incredibly frustrating.
When people criticize my work, I want them to punch me in the face.
I launched into the criticism foolishly thinking that it was a universal policy...leh sigh....
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WishIWould In reply to swan-swan [2009-04-18 23:31:03 +0000 UTC]
Okay, one thing: Chrissy is not looking for criticism on AtA, because basically every kind of real criticism that comes up anymore is just someone with a different style who tried to tell her her style was wrong, which is ridiculous...style is style. No one's writing is perfect, but dang, when you're dealing with what she's AT now? Other than "I don't like this scene/arc/focus I don't think it's an important focus" - which we, knowing the story, would of course disagree with you on - I can't think of much serious else you would HAVE to criticize. But anyone can pull up bull...this one dude is always trying to tell her she has to write things as tightly as John Steinbeck and in his or else she's not good. LAME.
Not to claim she's above critique - I mean, I'm her editor. But, really...most people who try to critique don't actually find anything legitimate.
Yes, I know how it is, I know how it is to want real critiques and not get it. But that's not what Chrissy posts for, critique - she has me now, and of course hearing opinions is great and all but mostly? Chrissy knows what she wants and does it, and critiques outside of her editor's are kind of superfluous at this point. Of course, this might all sound really silly, not knowing what "at this point" is. But basically, since working with her on TCE/AtA, it's hard for me to find any free reading satisfactory except like, literature...which doesn't have the "real" and immediately accessible feel that AtA does. Only AtA and, maybe a few other series that I've read, combine the literary and character depth (or, almost Chrissy's characters' depth) with that accessibility and realness. It's really, I'm very well-read, and I can't think of anything, ever, movie, book anime, comic, manga...that's better than AtA.
Not that you'll have to agree with that, when you read it, but you know when it leaves an extensive reader unsatisfied with everything else, it's something different from what people run into in other places.
So yeah - basically...off-topic? I dunno, but when working with something like that, critiques are generally superfluous because the main things you'd be able to critique are personal style choices and plot choices - all of which are up to Chrissy and won't be changed for a single reader's opinion.
I'm talking AtA as is at this point, though, not two year old stuff. Uh, *end ramble*
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Jenca [2009-03-23 04:23:42 +0000 UTC]
Wow. Coolest joke ever! XD
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WishIWould In reply to Jenca [2009-04-18 07:49:05 +0000 UTC]
Joke? O.o
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WishIWould In reply to Jenca [2009-04-19 05:04:02 +0000 UTC]
Oh, I get it - thanks!
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ThePhantomDragon [2009-03-02 04:38:36 +0000 UTC]
when will revamp 2 come??? gahhhh
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CallistoHime In reply to ThePhantomDragon [2009-03-16 19:28:11 +0000 UTC]
Not for a long time...you may want to just read the old one! =O
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