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captainpugwash — Utopian war
Published: 2004-02-18 16:07:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 152; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 10
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Description
Are you ready to start this?Do you want to get involved?
Are you afraid of who I am?
Do you care what you mean to me?
This pain runs in red streaks,
Making meandering rivers in my mind,
Destroy any coherant thoughts,
Talking without thought or feeling.
A hole in my face,
Nothing special,
Just a load of air,
Meaning everything.
The touch of your fingers to plastic,
It's made me give my shaded heart away,
Leaving spaces in my heart's palace,
Falling apart, ruining to nothingness.
On the plateau of my mind,
I can see for miles and miles,
All this darkness, schorched Earth,
Withered crops, withered bodies.
This is the landscape of your destruction,
So many left behind for those touches,
And as I turn my back on them again,
I know its for the last time, for you.
Curled wings lie on the emaciated ground,
Bloody and muddied by the boots of men,
These mutinous fools, ventilating wings,
Angels destroyed by these blood-lusted fools.
I take one last look at the battlefield of heaven,
Invaders from below destroyed its green utopia,
And I encouraged them by leaving here for you,
I left utopia to come find you, was it worth it?
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Comments: 8
Hard impact, especially with those harsh adjectives. Used to brilliant effect! Kinda reminds me of "Seven Seasons" by myself, especially "Angels destroyed by these blood-lusted fools." Except this is way more epic, very visual too. Brilliant!!
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I'm going to have to go see what your work is like. I must admit this is one of my favourites that I have written. I'm glad to have pleased you and I am very flattered to have been accused of using English language so well 
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Intriguing work... The shift is subtle so it doesn't take too much away from the imagery and the sentiment.
It's kinda chaotic which is cool - it represents our minds... whirling in a haven of loneliness wishing for something more... Only here, there is nothing more. It's all gone.
It's kinda sad and apocalyptic but really cool too.
Hope I made some sense in that meandering ramble...
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Meandering ramble? Sounds like my poem was reflected in your comment
You did make some sense, I hopes that I gots something more left, I don't think my angels are dead yet. Thanks for the comment, 'twas rather nice
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No worries...
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Thankyou so much. I didn't expect anyone to like it because it just kind of fell onto the page
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