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Description
So... I think we can all agree that the Lab Assistant #4434-1B Memorial Fund Benefit Dinner went pretty well. Not perfectly, of course, but at the end of the evening relatively few people had died and the most of the survivors have agreed to settle out of court.

All that aside, we have a much more important announcement! As promised in our chief designer's long, drunken, rambling and entirely unscheduled speech, we present to you the stunning Mk. III SteamBoard!

Possessing the same customized keys, copper & red velvet accents and hand-cut wood inlays as the Mk.II, the Mk.III was designed with a more streamlined aesthetic and prominently features our industrial division's gorgeous crest. It also definitely does NOT contain any kind of self-destruct device. Why would you even ask that? That's crazy! Only a crazy person would go opening the Mk.III housing looking for some kind of high yield explosive! You're not crazy, are you?

I didn't think so.

And now you too can own this beautiful piece of hardware! Just fill out the following application:

Name:
Age:
Blood Type:
Height (in Smoots):
Atmospheric displacement (at sea level):
Purpose:
Hat size:

Please rate the following:
Love of Machines:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Love of Humans:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Allegiance to the Mk.I SteamBoard:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Willingness to die for science:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Willingness to kill for science:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Ability/willingness to live with 1 or less kidney(s)
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Gender:
- Male
- Female
- Both
- Neither
- Batman

"Hey.":
- Hey
- Sup.
- What?
- Ahh!
- Hadouken!
- Hello, my name in Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Choose one:
- Netflix
- Wi-Fi
- One
- Sex
- A giant plate of nachos that you don't have to share with ANYONE.

Flaming Avacado:
- Yes
- No
- Maybe
- A badger with the face of a different badger
- What the hell, man? Just give me my goddamn keyboard!

Thank you for stopping by and, in the words of our illustrious founder: "We have nothing to fear except fear itself and the unholy abomination permanently sealed in Lab 36."

Description
So... I think we can all agree that the Lab Assistant #4434-1B Memorial Fund Benefit Dinner went pretty well. Not perfectly, of course, but at the end of the evening relatively few people had died and the most of the survivors have agreed to settle out of court.

All that aside, we have a much more important announcement! As promised in our chief designer's long, drunken, rambling and entirely unscheduled speech, we present to you the stunning Mk. III SteamBoard!

Possessing the same customized keys, copper & red velvet accents and hand-cut wood inlays as the Mk.II, the Mk.III was designed with a more streamlined aesthetic and prominently features our industrial division's gorgeous crest. It also definitely does NOT contain any kind of self-destruct device. Why would you even ask that? That's crazy! Only a crazy person would go opening the Mk.III housing looking for some kind of high yield explosive! You're not crazy, are you?

I didn't think so.

And now you too can own this beautiful piece of hardware! Just fill out the following application:

Name:
Age:
Blood Type:
Height (in Smoots):
Atmospheric displacement (at sea level):
Purpose:
Hat size:

Please rate the following:
Love of Machines:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Love of Humans:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Allegiance to the Mk.I SteamBoard:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Willingness to die for science:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Willingness to kill for science:
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Ability/willingness to live with 1 or less kidney(s)
0 - - - - - 5 - - - - - 10

Gender:
- Male
- Female
- Both
- Neither
- Batman

"Hey.":
- Hey
- Sup.
- What?
- Ahh!
- Hadouken!
- Hello, my name in Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Choose one:
- Netflix
- Wi-Fi
- One
- Sex
- A giant plate of nachos that you don't have to share with ANYONE.

Flaming Avacado:
- Yes
- No
- Maybe
- A badger with the face of a different badger
- What the hell, man? Just give me my goddamn keyboard!

Thank you for stopping by and, in the words of our illustrious founder: "We have nothing to fear except fear itself and the unholy abomination permanently sealed in Lab 36."