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Chaotic-Whispers β paper airplanes.
Published: 2010-08-06 01:24:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 3112; Favourites: 125; Downloads: 24
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i fold my dreams into paper airplanes and throw them from a two-storey balcony.i watch as they fall to the ground and crumble.
my goals, my aims, my innermost desires.
they are only paper thin ideas.
one day i hope they will be caught in a breeze.
soaring high above the sky and blowing away in the wind.
but i'm a small-town girl living in a small-minded country.
my paper airplanes will never fly.
i fold my dreams into paper airplanes and throw them from a two-storey balcony.
i watch as they fall to the ground and crumble again and again...
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Comments: 76
This is a really down to Earth view of things while yet being figurative at the same time. Many people think the what you are writing right now, that some ideas just cannot grow among people who cannot accept them. So it helps the reader think and reflect on those very ideas. In my opinion, this poem can be interpreted in one way, but the thoughts can very greatly and that is what makes this a good poem.
I gave you 5/5 stars for the vision aspect since the poem can easily be interpreted by other readers. I gave you 4/5 stars for originality since I have seen poems with the broken dreams theme before. However the metaphor itself I have never seen before which is what kept this from being any lower. I give you 4.5/5 stars for technique due to your use of different techniques and your ability to use them correctly. I give impact 5/5 because it was your ability to make one think that really made the poem.
Great job. I'm hoping to see more from you in the future. e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s⦠" width="15" height="15" alt="
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Oh. Thank so much! I didn't expect such a wonderful critique ^.^
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You're welcome ^^
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There's a commercial (I've forgotten about what)where paper airplanes that have ambitions, hopes and dreams written on them are thrown from a building as well; each time I see it it will remind of this. Awesome writtings by the way!
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There is? Cool. Thanks so much ^__^
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Yeah, I think it was one having to do with Girls Inc. You're welcome 
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Clever metaphores.
That's some powerful stuff.
Never give up. If you have to work for what you want then do it.
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Thanks so much, dear <3
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Your poem reminds me of my freshman year in high school. I went to a large high school that was separated girls on one side and boys on the other. There was but one cafeteria, and it too was divided wall-to-wall by a double row of lockers. The lockers were maybe 2.5 meters tall and the ceiling was taller than that so there was space up above. We used to sail paper airplanes over the lockers. We'd write stupid stuff on the paper like "hi i'm michael" and "you're hot" and "meet me at the track at 3:00" and such, and the anonymity of it all provided us with a measure of courage that would have been harder to muster face to face. And so the paper airplanes were quite literally dreams. Paper airplane dreams... be my girl dreams... say you like me dreams... say i'm worth liking dreams. Anyway, daydreaming again, this story doesn't really have an ending. I'd just thought I'd share that.
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Haha well thanks for sharing xD
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I loved it. This is how I feel every day. That my dreams are never going to be reachable, and that if I were to tell some one about them they wouldn't understand. That they would laugh in my face, and call me a fool. But, Just because you assume your dreams are going to fail doesn't mean they are. Chaotic-Whispers you need to fight for your dreams, because only then can they take flight.
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Thank you so much for the courage and I think I will fight for them. Each day with all these amazing comments and faves on deviantART I grow a little bit more confident. Thank you so much <3
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You are most welcome.
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as the critique says, yes, this is down to earth. an extended metaphor of an unfair reality. it was beautiful, and you were absolutely genius to use paper airplanes as the focus of the poem, but of course you were able to associate that with the real meaning of the poem. watch out for spelling, nicely done.
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Thanks so much.
Spelling? Do I have typos?
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i dunno, isnt storyes, stories? or did i misread?
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As far as I know it's correct.
storey US, story [ΛstΙΛrΙͺ]
n pl -reys, -ries
1. (Fine Arts & Visual Arts / Architecture) a floor or level of a building
2. (Fine Arts & Visual Arts / Architecture) a set of rooms on one level
[link]
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oh, so accorinding to this in the U.S they spell it 'story'?
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that would explain why I thought it was mispelled.....
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Haha. I guess it's like the other words, colour and favourite are spelled without the U's over there.
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yep, thats how it is
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You misspelled story, but other than that, i think you're ok ^^
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Hmm. Well where I come from we spell it "storey" as in a level of a building.
[link]
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oooh, ok, yeah i guess we just do it differenly! ^_^ That's cool though, you learn something new everyday.
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love it. this is so great! nice imagery and theme- simple but so creative
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Thanks so much!
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Cheers ^^
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It is a very good metaphor, i like the imagery. My only comment would be maybe pick something other than innermost dreams for me it seems to clash with "dreams" in the first line
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Hmm. It does doesn't it. Okay. I'll try to fix that now.
How about "innermost desires"?
And thank you <3
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that works better I think.. and you're welcome
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This was a clever metaphor. Very well written. You can see whats going on, but you haven't completely given it away by just saying 'this person has a dream, but feels as though it's hopeless'. I really liked this. I can relate. Although I think that person should believe in themself and they can accomplish anything, even if it seems out of their reach. Very good!
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Thanks. i do believe I can accomplish anything just sometimes I doubt my ability to achieve these things. I have low points and high points and this was one of the days full of wasteful words.
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oh dear... what was the thing you doubted you could achieve? Do you still doubt it? Believe in yourself and you can do anything!!!
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I doubt I can acheive anything. I think I'm destined to be the girl that stays home and marries and settles down to have kids. But I want to make someone of myself. I want to live off my music and do nothing else. That's very rare though, over here.
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oh dear. I used to live in a bad area u know. I doubted myself becos of where i was, too. I thought a girl who lived in a ordinary, common place like tha could not get anywhere. But then we moved to a great place, a nicer place. I believe anything I work at I can pursue. Make your dreams a reality. Practice, work hard and if ur good enough - which im positive u r - make it happen! You can do anything if u put ur mind to it!!!
U like music? Do you play an instrument, dance, sing???
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I don't live in a bad area just a very small-minded area.
Thanks. Yeah, I play 9 instruments and sing.
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kk i hope u acheive ur dream. I do pretty much the same. I also like acting, writing fiction and writng poems.
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Yeah, I like writing to. And programming.
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sorry i sound dumb ere but wa do you mean by programming XD
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computer programming.
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ohhh soz im not thick im just stupid {badum, CRASH!} sorry, im terrible. I always feel the need to make a joke in inappropriate situations or when someone needs cheering up. I can't decide which one I've done right now...
anyways, is it a good or a bad day 2day???
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We've yet to find out. *we* being me I just don't want to sound like a loner xD although saying *we* probably makes me sound like a lunatic andyway :L
No it's alright. You're not stupid.
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