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Part 6 – Purple Haze? Pfft…What kind of a name is that?

“Damn monkey has my heroin!” cried Mike leaping across the gap between the two ships after the syringe toting Matticus. Meanwhile Semenenko-beard and Bird were still locked in combat.
“When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified!” growled Adam.
“At least mine can be identified, pirate!” laughed Danny.
Despite his witty repartee it was clear that the pirates were winning the fight, as Bird and his crew were slowly pushed back to the brink of oblivion, the balance was tipped by Gary Oakley intervening with his usual finesse and subtlety.
“DIE ASSHOLES!” He screamed, while arbitrarily strafing the deck with an oversized gattling gun.
“Shiver me timbers!” Peg-leg Mellie cried as her peg-leg was blown clean away, “We best be getting out of here!”
“Retreat!” shouted Morty, making a hasty exit back to the ship. The crew followed him, full of additional holes.
“We will finish this another time!” Captain Semenenko-beard shouted back as the Scurvy Dawg sailed away into the mist.
“Ahh, another glorious victory for Bird,” Danny gloated.
“Well, not quite sir,” replied Pickup, “The pirates sailed off with Squire Crotch-Harvey still aboard, Tim and the map are missing, and the good lieutenant has shot off my right testicle.”
“Sorry about that” replied Gary sheepishly.
“You will be, tubby,” responded Pickup under his breath.
“What was that?”
“I didn’t say anything.”

Tim slowly regained consciousness in a puddle of brine and aware of an assaulting odour of rats. He opened his eyes to find himself in the brig of the pirate ship.
“What happened?” he asked himself.
“I got yee with a tranquilizer dart,” replied Crooky, the ginger pirate, “Welcome to the Scurvy Dawg, shipmate.”
“I wont tell you anything!”
Crooky and the long-haired pirate next to him both laughed heartily.
“He says he wont talk!” Crooky chortled, “He’ll change his tune after the cat!”
“Aye, one steaming bowl of cat-stew coming up!” replied the pirate.
“No, mister Mally,” sighed Crooky, “The cat!”
“Oh, the cat” nodded Mally conspiratorially.
“Now we best be off, Tim-Lad,” said Crooky, “There’s ‘entertainment’ on the top deck that we don’t want to miss!”

Mike wasn’t happy with his present situation, being as he was in the middle of the act of walking the plank.
“Guys, guys,” he pleaded, “You don’t want to do this… I have friends in high places!”
“Walk tharr plank!” the pirates chorused.
Mike tried a new line.
“I’m useful to have aboard,” he said, “Did you know I was a musician?”
Alan the Hooker threw an accordion to Mike.
“Play a song!” he challenged.
Mike inspected the accordion.
“Ah… it’s a 1956 Fender white albatross accordion.” He pointed out, stalling for time.
“Play a song!”
“Dude! Don’t rush me!” protested Mike.
“Song!”
“Err…”

To be continued

Next Episode:
Pirate rock is born
Pickup's testicle related privileges are revoked
Mally makes a steaming bowl of cat soup