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cyberyt — My Orange Walk Home
Published: 2003-11-17 20:13:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 434; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 53
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Description
A sodium-lit reflection guides me home,Headlights dazzle, the distant motorway hums,
I don't want to be here.
I want to be in her arms, in a bookshop,
Our tangled fingers at a bus stop.
I miss her.
The cold hard black and sodium path passes quickly beneath me with each stride.
But, all i can think about is her soft warm touch,
Her glitter filled eyes and sparkling face.
I don't want to be here.
On this sodium-lit reflection.
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Comments: 21
pretty. you expressed everything you were feeling in a very short poem, which is a great feat--short, to-the-point but incredibly expressive poetry is the best kind there is.
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i wonder whi its about *chuckles*
its good. now i to expect lots more poetry from you. and-doesn't her-hair-look-pretty-with-orange-bits-in -if-its-about-who-i-think-it-is *gasps* hope it is bout her tho
megxxxx
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ta. i realise this now
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Eeeep, um, no it isnt, sorry.
Thanmks for the comment all the same
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damnation i am always stupid (as jen pointed out) but oh well
sry
xx
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i enjoyed reading this.
it's unique.
they're like your thoughts flowing out of your mind in the form of tapping away on keys typing it up.
it's magical too. dreamy in a way.
poetry doesn't need to have rhyme and it always has structure whichever way you choose to display it.
good work. you should write more. she sounds a special girl.
- Snoopy
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I have this thing where i think people use the same word too much, i like the word sodium but perhaps you could insert somthing else. It seems that this might be part of somthing bigger? perhaps you should seperate it into different or more stanzas.
"The cold hard black and sodium path passes quickly underneath me with each pace." for me that doesent roll of the tounge allthough i know jack about these sort of things.
"The acrid black path passes under me with pace. " for me that sounds better allthough your might have that double meaning going on, some crazy undertones that i know nothing about.
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Only undertones was the orange, in relation to her hair. The night we went to the motorway, Hadlights dazzle... yeaaahh. Oh, and the sparkle/glitter thing, theyu are purposly reversed.
I like what youve done. I wrote this in my head on the way home, and id forgot most of it by the time id argued with siblings and read my post. I dont remember black being part of the plan, but Acrid.... i like.
As always Tom, your comment is supurb
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Cool, doesn't have much of a structure or rythming and that though.
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That's beautiful!
So descriptive...
"I want to be in her arms, in a bookshop,
Our tangled fingers at a bus stop."
That's my favourite part... made me feel fuzzy
I now expect more writing from you...
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You can just smell the want dripping out of the screen, oh wait, that's orange juice, but still, good poem.
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