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DearPoetry — Poetry,
Published: 2012-06-23 19:45:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 11754; Favourites: 433; Downloads: 51
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Description
She is stardust leaving sweet bonesin her wake. A trail of poetic destruction
conceived in verse--answering questions
with kisses. There is a hunger in her
freckled constellations, like spider webs
woven together with golden thread.
Like the wild roses she braids in her hair:
She walks backboned and head held high;
the strongest of letters on a page
left to rest in your mouth.
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Comments: 168
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This is beautiful, and it begs the reader to sit with it and re-read it again and again to really grasp all of it’s beauty. Thank you for sharing!
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I found myself wanting to read this over and over again to really feel the true and full beauty it held. I really loved how you could explain what poetry is in a way that is left to one's own imagination, as poetry should. This truly is a wonderful work of art and I must commend you on it, but as this is a critique I do have a few points of growth. I find that how you placed the words was a bit confusing and that it was not as put together looking or feeling as is. It would have been nice if the sentences could stay as one whole line alone or other, though I do like that it is one whole stanza, some spacing would've been good to un-jumble it a bit.
But all in all thank you for putting out such a wonderful poem for all to read.
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Very well done indeed. It seems that very few understand the value of words these days, and even fewer care to learn of their lost essence. You've done and excellent job at being bold, yet not opulent with your word choice(a pitfall i oft find myself in). Do not be shamed by its length, beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
Specifically the use of 'poetic destruction' strikes a resounding cord with me and my own disposition on life, the visual of stardust and the resounding affect of using sweet heightens the senses and prepares the reader for whats to come. The hyper contraction of images(from constellations to spider webs) controlled with the wonderful use of the 'golden' image really is what cemented this peace for me, its a great display of not only your creativity but your own unique process by which you judge and live in this world.
The one segment that bothered me a little was the 'she walks backboned', in my mind it seems a little out of place, not because of grammar technicality, but just seemed...off? Like it was a less than ideal word choice.
I am impressed, and i don't say that lightly. Not because I consider myself some great poet, or some voice of authority on the topic(quite the opposite in fact) but simply because i don't find much i can resonate with on this level. So well done my friend, well done indeed.
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I can't thank you enough for this amazing critique! You are a beautiful individual! As for the use of 'backboned', I used it as a way to say she is strong, 'defensive', wont take shit if you will. Maybe it's the wrong word, and I am sure I could come up with something better if I thought about it for a while. Thank you again for this!
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You should enter in the Better Future Program poetry contest! betterfutureprogram.weebly.com…
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how can i make a poem i have an idea and i want to share it.
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your words are so beautiful. "freckled constellations" how lovely
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As somewhat of a slam poet, I find often find it difficult to find my favorite types of poetry with such quality of vibrancy and impact, but this.....is just what it's all about. If poetry were a woman, she would be exactly as described above, both morose and breath-taking, catastrophic and beautiful, an unstoppable whirlwind of devastation and blinding color. It's been a long time since I've been able to legitimately say that something took my breath away. This did.
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Oh wow, thank you!
I'm not exactly a slam poet myself, though I love it with all my heart!
But this, this is poetry.
Powerful.
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This is beautiful. Quaint but beautiful. It reminds me of the Spring, which where I come from is so short lived but so incredible all the same.
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Wow. Your usage of imagery is absolutely profound. Usually I have to pick a piece apart to find my favorite parts, but not with this. It's beautiful in it's entirety. Great job.
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Hey there, for #projecteducate this week we are exploring poetry forms. Myself, `thetaoofchaos and =AzizrianDaoXrak discussed Free Verse poetry here and featured this deviation. Just thought I'd let you know! Thanks.
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HI there *DearPoetry I actually wanted to know how you were able to post up this poetry without having to be able to view it by downloading the files. I also wrote you a hopefully fair critique and must say that it was a pleasure to read your poem.
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I don't know what you're talking about? Downloading the files? lol
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please read william blake. This poem certainly isn't bad, especially when compared to all the indulgent crap you usually get on deviant-art but I can't help feel that what you are trying to do is very similar to what he did (in a certain sense) and I think you should read his stuff before trying again.
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I think it's very elegant, and yest that was definitely a compliment!
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Dont hardly put poetry in my favorites, but this is quite good and intriguing. You have a gifted way with words that caught my attention, where many others do not. I love good poetry, and in my opinion this is quite good.
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I try, I really do.
I have to sit on it for a long time--the first draft is a killer. lol
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Well, I hope very much that you know how amazing this poem is.
I know for sure that I'm going to walk around tomorrow with,
"the strongest of letters on a page/left to rest in your mouth" revolving around and around in my head.
Please write, please write, this is gorgeous
I adore it
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This is one of my personal favorites.
I love when I find a verse that just stays in my head!
And thank you.
I plan to write forever.
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